99 Problems With Toronto
What's your problem?
Photo cred - Amarpreet K
A$ap Rocky liked bad bitches, that was his fucking problem. And just like A$ap, Toronto's got some fucking problems too, actually 99 of them.
From the TTC, obnoxious blue jay fans, bad sushi joints, to pretentious restaurant owners Toronto has some issues to say the least.
Okay Toronto, let's vent.
1. It's too hot
2. It's too cold
3. There's too much construction
4. People who complain about weather
5. People who complain about people who complain about weather
6. Taking a cab in rush hour
7. Taking a streetcar in rush hour
8. Our hockey team never wins
9. Hipsters...are a problem
10. Blogs like this one: spelling mistakes, grammatical errors & misinformation. Should result in capitol punishment
11. The horrible stench of garbage on garbage day (especially in the heat)
12. The stench of Chinatown always
13. Streetcars that are short turning BIG PROBLEM
14. This question in winter: to cab or streetcar?
15. Transfer that only work one way
16. Expensive as fuck monthly metro pass
17. The homeless people who accost you for change on queen street outside CAMH
18. Pretentious asshole servers at hipster restaurants
19. Our city is surrounded by beautiful places like Scarborough and North York...
20. Too much poutine
21. Bike lanes, expand/improve ‘em or nix ‘em!
22. Bars close at 2am
23. Restaurants that only take cash, motherfuckers
24. High Park is too far away
25. The lake water is dirty
26. Our street food scene
27. Too many restaurants, not enough time
28. The smell of weed in kensington market
29. The smell of body odour and cheese and fish in kensington market
30. We don't have a casino
31. There are way too many pointless festivals that interrupt traffic and transit routes (Nuit Blanche, Buskerfest to name a few)
32. Condos with views of other condos
33. Strollers on streetcars
34. Too obsessed with food trends, brussels sprouts will always be brussels sprouts no matter how fucking fancy they are
35. Cab drivers who get irritated when you tell them you're paying with debit
36. People who paint their face blue in support of the blue jays
37. The price of beer at the blue jays game
38. Liquor stores aren't open late enough
40. Too many people dress the same
41. Ladies more excited about late night food than sex
42. 905ers puke on our streets on the weekend
43. The distillery district is far too expensive
44. Parking downtown
45. Too many hot yoga studios
46. There are no palm trees
47. Everyone has a blog and thinks there voice matters
48. Everyone is a food critic
49. Too many slow walkers on yonge street
50. Everyone is far too opinionated
51. People are to uptight, so what if I don't want to wear shoes or a top
52. Too many grammar nazis, chill people, go have some sex or something
53. The ROM is anti-climatic
54. The AGO is anti-climatic
55. The Bata Shoe Museum is anti-climatic
56. People aren't brutally honest
57. $5 sunglasses from kensington market that break when you look at them
58. Juice bars are too expensive
59. Baristas don't move fast enough
60. Driving thru the intersection at yonge and dundas
61. Taking a GO bus outside of the city and having to stand in the aisle
62. The smell of stale beer at bathurst and queen
63. Restaurants that don't take reservations
65. So many bars, so much money lost
66. Getting a cab in the rain
67. Taxes?!
68. Car horns, they must be silenced
69. Our subway stops running way too early
70. The all night yonge bus
71. Trying to walk thru the Eaton Centre
72. Going to the Eaton Centre to buy one specific thing
73. Trying to find someone who can ACTUALLY help you at the apple store
74. Waiting for buses that don't show up in the middle of the night
75. Experiencing the shitty food at the CN tower
76. Annoying students near Ryerson campus
77. Too many people wearing plaid
78. Too many cockroach infestations
79. Not being able to grow a hipster beard
80. Not being able to afford tattoos
81. Having to long of a walk between your apartment and the nearest grocery store
82. Living near a grocery store that isn't 24 hours
83. Having to find roommates on craiglists in order to get cheaper rent
84. Way too many events happening, how does one keep up?
85. You can't drink in the streets
86. You can't drink in parks
87. You can't be naked in public
88. Listening to people complain about traffic
89. It's not LA
90. We can't picnic on Toronto Island all year round
91. We are lacking in Tapas style restaurants...just kidding
92. We look up to people who smoke crack
93. We are too forgiving
94. We are too nice
95. There is a lack of pawn shops
96. It's too cold in the winter to enjoy the outdoor market at the distillery
97. Our pizza isn't very good
98. We don't have nut vendors on the street like New York
99. Your beer order is being judged