A Beginner's Guide To Jay Walking In Toronto
Just do it.
Photo cred - thestar
Self-doubt is why most people fail. It's that moment of hesitation before one makes a decision to do something. In that moment your fate hangs and because you paused, you will inevitably fail.
Jaywalking is no exception to this rule.
Whether you're a veteran or new to the city and just beginning your jay walking journey, we could all use a couple of pointers. Because, hey, crossing the street is tough, especially in Toronto! And unless you're Bradley Cooper, you're not going to be stopping any traffic with that pretty face of yours.
Photo cred - onlyfitgirls
Run For It
Probably the best advice any one could give a jaywalker. And yes it might go against what your body and mind are telling you you should do. It might go against what you think in your heart is right. But none of that matters. A jaywalkers success rate is much higher if he or she is running across the street versus walking.
The Group Jaywalk
Cars especially hate this one. Since there is a large group of you, you don't even need to look for an opening. There is power in numbers. This group usually contains a large number of oblivious people who are ignorant to the fact they are crossing a busy street and holding up a ridiculous amount of traffic. The group jaywalk is unphased by danger, verbal threats, horns, and on rare occasions even sirens.
The Half Committed
This is the person who starts out strong and has a really weak finish. At first they appear unabashedly confident, it's pretty clear they've done this whole jaywalking thing before. They wait for a decent opening and go for it, no hesitation whatsoever. But somewhere down the line, they second guess everything, they lose speed and alas they are caught in the middle of the road. Suddenly their complexion turns pale and their gaze darkens as panic takes hold.
This is the person who doesn't know a good thing when it's staring them right in the face. Relentlessly careful and valuing safety to the bitter end, it's a wonder how this person ever makes it across the street. The conditions must be perfect, ideally no cars in sight. This person works best with a partner giving them a little encouragement and a false sense of safety. If left to their own devices this person might never make it across the street.
The Whack Job Jaywalking With A Baby-Stroller
This man is to be feared. Unpredictable to the very end, his eyes shine a little too bright with reckless abandon. How and why he is deciding to jaywalk with a baby-stroller remains unclear. Can usually be found inches away from a head on collision with a mini-van, this man has the death stare down to a science.
Celebrity Take Over
A truly rare jaywalking occurrence in Toronto. If lucky, one may witness such an event, maybe once, doubtfully twice in their life. This is the moment where a celebrity is crossing the street and they actually stop traffic. A marvel to watch, usually the celebrity would be of an A-list status. This event/these circumstances can also be referred to as "jaywalking royalty".
Although it is debatable whether or not this person belongs in the jaywalking category (they are after all waiting to cross at the designated crosswalk), for the sake of this piece I will include the "pre-crosser". This is the man/women who decides to cross the street eight seconds before the walk sign is illuminated, thus making everyone else feel inferior and like frightened little children. The pre-crosser is ballsy, they usually end up initiating everyone to cross, regardless of traffic or traffic light status.
This is the person who blindly follows whoever is standing in front of them. This person does not look both ways before they cross the street but instead places their life in the hands of some random stranger and sheepishly follows them across the street.
Photo cred - uncyclopedia
This is the person who thinks there is nothing worse in life than jaywalking. This person has a constant scowl on their face and may or may not start shouting at random jaywalkers. On lookers draws conclusions that this type of reaction must be a result of post traumatic stress disorder/jaywalking related incident.