Behind the doors of the restaurants in Vancouver, are a group of servers talking sh*t about how annoying you are. Whether you work in the service industry or not, I'm sure you can understand how difficult customers can be. This is especially true considering the unspoken rule stating, "the customer is always right", or the classic "house of YES" rule. How about house of "Yes, but I'm going to spit in your food later".

If you're a server, you'll probably relate to each and every one of these things deep into your core. On the other hand, if you're a frequent customer, please pay close attention and consider being more considerate next time you enter a restaurant.

Servers know the struggle of getting hired at an upper scale restaurant, being nice even when you don't feel like it, putting on a smile no matter how little someone has tipped you, and working late hours to pay the bills.

Genuine hospitality is what most restaurants strive to encourage, but in an effort to also encourage genuine human beings, I have curated a list of things that annoy your server the most. Full disclosure, this is on the complain-y side for everyone out there who thinks all us servers do is complain. Just FYI.

1. Not tipping your server

Servers make below minimum wage for a reason: tips. This is why it's important to always tip at least %10 in order for your server to not lose money at the end of the day when tipping out the kitchen, bar, and front of house staff.


2. Ordering hot water and hot water only

I know what your thinking...but this happens far too often. If you plan on sitting at a restaurant and being served hot water with lemon, while wasting your servers valuable time, please stay home, boil your own water, and serve your damn self.


3. Seating yourself

Would you walk into your neighbours house and just take a seat at their kitchen table without an invite or a polite "hello". The answer is no, no you wouldn't, so you probably shouldn't do it in a restaurant either.


4. Pulling up chairs for friends at a full table

This may be appropriate at your dining room table or a busy bar/club, but not at an establishment with a seating plan. It's hard enough for your server to keep track of full tables of people constantly moving seats, let alone 10 people constantly moving seats at a table meant for 4.


5. Making no effort to have a conversation

Okay, I get it, we're here to serve you, that's our job. But, for the love of food at least pretend you don't think you're better than us.


6. Yelling orders left and right

It's hard enough to tell the difference between all of you plaid shirts, which is why it would be great if you could all relax and give each other a turn to order, separately.


7. Mod-ing the shit out of your food

We have an executive chef, a sous chef, and entire team of people in the kitchen for that matter who are educated and trained for the sole purpose of creating dishes with ingredients that taste amazing together. If you want the fehttuchini carbonera but with no carbs, gluten, or green vegetables, just order something else and sort out your fear of gluten later, thank you.


8. Splitting the cheque a million ways

"He's paying for my meal, their paying for desert only, she will pay for the wings, and I will split the calamari with the three of them. We're also in a rush. Thanks". Sure be right back, let me go aggressively tap the shit out of my Cronos screen to take out my built up anger.


9. Waving your arms around to get our attention

Yes, I see you, sir in the suit trying to impress his hot Tinder date by bashing the service to justify giving a shitty tip. I am ignoring you on purpose.


10. PDA

If your into PDA, you're probably the couple who sits at the back of the restaurant on the same side of the booth, feeding each other nachos, and stringing the cheese between each others lips until you kiss. I will probably also do my best to ignore you on purpose.


11. Getting upset when your main dish comes before you're done your appies

We can't always foresee that it will take you 45 mins to finish one plate of wings.


12. Complaining about the food after you finish it

Was it so bad that you had to eat the entire thing just so you didn't have to look at it anymore? No, I will not take that entire meal off your bill, Susan.


13. Camping out at your table for hours and hours

Normally, if we've dropped the bill without you asking it's kind of a polite way of saying "Exit the booth and allow me to serve other customers and make some MONEY".


14. Staying after close

We can't leave until you leave and my feet hurt.


15. Ordering 1 minute before close

This is just common curtesy. We just spent hours cleaning up an entire restaurant, so not super down to do it all again for one person.


16. Leaving your tip in dimes and nickels

As useless as pennies, essentially.


17. Paying most your bill with a gift card and only tipping on the remainder of the bill

I have two words: 1. cop. 2. out.


18. Dining and dashing

If you can't afford to eat out, don't eat out. There is a dumpster for you to dive in down the street. Simple as that.


19. Ordering one thing at a time

You order a green salad. We bring green salad. You order extra dressing on the side. We bring extra dressing on the side. You order extra walnuts. We bring extra walnuts. You then order a side of avocado. We suddenly die due to restricted air while running in circles for you.


20. Telling us you or your kiddos used to work in the service industry so you "know what it's like"

Little do you know, many of us have bachelor or graduate degrees in respectable fields and serving is a great way for us to pay our way through university or make an extra buck in this shit economy. In fact, serving can be a great way to make a steady income on it's own, depending on the place, so think twice before you pass judgement.

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