I haven't worked in a nightclub for a very long time, but I feel as if I have been inducted in to a sort of cult that is almost impossible to extricate yourself from. Working in a nightclub has some major downfalls but it has an addicting quality.

Between the money, the music, and the bond you build with your coworkers complaining about how tired you are and making fun of drunk basics, it’s no wonder that people work these kinds of jobs for such a long time. It’s a tough gig thats for sure, but at times it can feel like partying while getting paid.

This article goes out to all the Vancouver bartenders, bar-backs, bouncers and bottle service girls out there...here are 37 signs that you work or have worked in a Vancouver Nightclub:

1. You vow to never club again but your first day off you hit up any club thats open

You ask for Friday off and plan to unwind at home. But you most likely ends up at the club you work at because discounted drinks are too good to say no to.


2. You develop a taste for quality sound and good DJ’s

Shoutout DJ flipout for making my shift 1000x easier.


3. You are constantly aware of what time it is

1:21? Only 1 hour 39 minutes and 17 seconds to go until closing.


4. You only ever have cash

And you spend most of it on alcohol and food right after your shift.


5. You probably smoke cigarettes

Because smoke breaks are the only kinds of breaks in this world.


6. You desperately search for weed at the end of your shift

Someone help me please forget that night ever happened.


7.  You go to after hours clubs way more than you'd like to admit

I’m already awake so I may as well.


8. Your internal clock is eternally fuvked up

Gets off shift at 4am and works other job at 9am. Realizes there is no point in sleeping.


9. You have a slight drinking problem.

Lets face it you're a full blown alcoholic.


10. You have worked two jobs for as long as you can remember

This job is how I pay for my alcohol.


11. Frequent club go-ers see you on the street and say hey you work at ‘so and so’

We are not friends.


12. You are on first name basis with the guy that comes to the club every weekend and takes home a different girl each time

But that's none of my business.


13. The Warehouse is your second home

Eating at the one on Hastings and getting drunk at the one on Granville.


14. You know everyone that works in the industry and can basically walk right in to any club without waiting in line or paying cover

Don’t touch me, I'm famous.


15. You've definilety slept with at least 3 other people in the industry

It’s just one big orgy.


16. You cringe when really drunk guys/girls try to talk to you

Go home you don't know what you're saying.


17. Your feet are always sore

It pains to be pretty.


18. You've met some really cool artists

“Last night at the club, I got to put cranberry juice in Tory Lanez’s room… he wasn't in there but I’m sure he touched the same carafe later.”


19. You can identify the level of someones drunkenness faster than a cop

Yo kick that guy out he's about 8.7 minutes away from throwing up.


20. You are a master of walking through crowds of people

Just pretend like they aren't there because thats what they do to you.


21. You always want the club to be slow

Then immediately regret thinking that because you're broke AF and need good tips.


22. You have a complicated relationships with drunk club go-ers

I hate you. But I also love you. But most importantly … I need you.


23. You assume everything on the ground is puke. Even when you're not at work.

What is that? Puke? Lol just kidding guys it's a leaf


24. You have become the most controlled drunk person to walk the streets of Vancouver

You are painfully aware of your every move you will NOT make the night any harder for any of the employees.


25. You're a great tipper because you've been there and you understand

Here's an extra dollar for smiling at me because I know you're in hell right now.


26. You don't even acknowledge girls when they apologize for falling or spilling on you etc..

Don't worry babe it happens 80000x times a night.


27. You only own black clothes

What.Is.Summer.


28. You love Sunday’s because it’s industry night and everyone understands you

Welcome my people.


29. You have enormous respect for bouncers

And are also slightly afraid of them.


30. You and your coworkers have ways of communicating about girls in the club

Which girl fell down the stairs? Was it becky with the white dress or becky with the cute boyfriend. Nah it was becky with the good hair.


31. You've cut enough limes to map your way to china

I’m going to get old cutting these damn things.


32. You are always always tired.

Good thing we get free Redbull.


33. It doesn’t freak you out anymore when the sun is rising and you just left work.

OKAY HERE WE GO let's get the day started.


34. You have a tattoo...or 11

Cult requirements - must have at least one tattoo or piercing or you can't work with us.


35. You've gone home with someone who was at the club when you were working

Let's be honest it was probably the birthday girl.


36. You loathe people who are still at the club when the lights turn on

DON'T YOU HAVE A HOME.


37. You have seen some pretty messed up stuff.

I'm talking about heads cracked open, gang members popping bottles, and chicks playing with broken glass. You've seen it all.

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