If Movies Shot In Vancouver Were Actually Set In Vancouver
It's well known that Vancouver's film industry is lit. So many American blockbusters are filmed in the city because of the insane tax break and while some manage to keep Vancouver's presence more ambiguous other movies will blatantly throw the Lions Gate Bridge and call it Seattle.
We thought it would be fun to see what our favourite blockbusters would look like if they were actually set in this beautiful city and not depicted in various American cities as they are portrayed on film.
Bella and Edward would meet at Point Grey high. He would take Bella to Stanley Park to show her how he hunts, which would explain why so many of those horse-drawn carriages started going missing...
The Cullens would live in a West Van mansion, probably in Lions Bay. Bella's house is in North Burnaby which is a bit of commute but hey, this is Vancouver and Edward definitely drives a Tesla, so they get to and from in no time.
Renesmee would not be allowed at the Vancouver Aquarium until she was a teenager and learns how to control her cravings. Yes, there was an incident with the belugas and no we're not going to talk about it.
50 Shades of Grey
Ana first meets Christian Grey in his office at the top of the Shangri-La hotel. She'd be an SFU student who's forced to interview the millionaire for her roommate who just got a job at the Vancouver Sun but who is too sick to do it herself.
Grey would take her to his Shaughnessy mansion where he'd introduce her to his playroom. He would then tell her that over the weekends Ana can stay in one of the bedrooms of the mansion where she's free to decorate as she pleases which probably would include Emily Carr artwork and a Canucks' calendar on her desk.
Ana's safeword would likely be Raincouver.
This Means War
FDR and Tuck will fight to win Lauren's affection by taking her to the best restaurants in Vancouver as mentioned by The Straight of Georgia's Gold Plate Awards list.
FDR will manage to swipe a reservation to the trendy new spot, Kissa Tanto (named Vancouver's best new restaurant this year) while Tuck would take her to a classic choice, Ask For Luigi; a much more intimate and less showy venue.
Both men would have job at CSIS and have been best friends since they watched their first spy movie together. Lauren, who is none the wiser will continue to try and date both men in a city where everyone literally knows everyone. Come on, Lauren!
But in the Vancouver version, Tom Hardy wins the girl because UGHHH TOM HARDY.
Juno and Paulie would meet at North Surrey Secondary. After Juno gets pregnant they would go to the Elizabeth Bagshaw Women's Clinic and they are both extremely grateful that they live in Vancouver and not Minnesota. Donald Trump as just been elected president and Juno wants to have options... #NotMyPresident
When she decides to go with adoption Juno bonds with the Loring's who agree to adopt her baby. They probably live in a fancy Shaughnessy neighbourhood and Juno will have to travel through 3 TransLink zones just to get there. She's pretty pissed she didn't opt for the Day Pass since she just paid to get on the bus and forgot the Skytrain only operates on compass cards.... good thing she's not keeping her baby.
The Lionsgate Bridge will never be the same...
Aspiring hockey player? Family in debt? Falling into a new career by accident? Sounds like Vancouver to me.
Happy would not be a Bruins fan (like ever) and is a full on Canucks supporter. His violent outbursts and lack of etiquette are made up of his hockey idols Todd Bertuzzi and Willie Mitchell. Happy's unconventional hockey-esq swing will land him a spot on the PGA Tour.
As the movie ends, you will wonder if Happy got into some really good BC weed as he recounts getting congratulated by Abe Lincoln, an alligator, and former golf pro, Chubbs.
X-Men: Any of them
Nothing surprising about Wolverine wanting to take the reigns but this time he has his Canadian history on his side. He would convince the XMEN to follow him because he's from Alberta (SNORE!) but they will anyway because American's just don't understand Canadian geography.
We would watch as the VAG crumbles, the Lions Gate Bridge go down, and other monumental buildings in our beautiful city burn to the ground. Our only hope would be that Magneto finds his way to the new Trump Tower....
Some mutant snafu will lead the team to lose Wolverine along the way. They ultimately will find him sitting at The Whip drinking whiskey from the bottle.
Wade Wilson is just helping the city tear down the viaduct to save on all those construction costs.
Ultimate punch! Stuntman Rod Kimble would be doing stunts all over suburbia. His big pool jump would be held at Third Beach and he wouldn't even have to organize "One Big Jump" because if Frank were diagnosed with a heart disease in Vancouver he would be eligible to receive free health care.
Come to think of it, this movie needs to be set in the states for it to have a plot.... hmm...
Okay, it's a well-known fact that this movie is loosely based on Seth Rogen's actual experience growing up in Vancouver, so it's kind of a slap in the face when the plot surrounds "Seth" not getting accepted to "Dartmouth" when really it should be UBC.
Point Grey High doesn't even get a mention and COME ON we all know that the cops are based on the West Van Police Department....
McLovin' would remain McLovin'.
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