The 8 Types of Bros You'll Hook Up With During Your First Year At Dal

Sometimes your only excuse is that you were drunk and stupid.
The 8 Types of Bros You'll Hook Up With During Your First Year At Dal

Your first year of university at Dalhousie is most likely going to be your first year of real freedom. This means that you can go crazy, eat ice cream for every res meal, wear pyjamas to class, drink all the alcohol, make all the bad choices!

It also means you're going to be kissing lots of boys - like A LOT. It's inevitable; your newfound freedom is going to be exercised in the hook up department as well. Will all of them be good? No. Will at least some of them be okay? Probably. But to give yourself a better idea of what you've gotten into, here is a list of the eight types of guys you'll sleep with as a freshman at Dal:

1. The Commerce Bro

He definitely plays/played hockey. He has serious "flow", and says things like, "what are you saying tonight?" and "that's dusty". He cares more about looking cool than he does about his business courses. He spends majority of the conversations you have together talking about himself. You know you shouldn't sleep with him because he's kind of self absorbed, but oops, you did it anyways


2. The Law Student

He likely sports a pair of Spencer Reid glasses and you met him at a bar that you're definitely not old enough to be in. He's like 25, well dressed, and he uses a lot of jargon that confuses you but makes him feel smart. He knows you're way too young for him but doesn't care because he's really only in it for the sex. This means that instead of taking you to his apartment he insists that you take him back to your res room to do the deed...

3. The Howe Hall Guy

You were drunk. He was just as drunk. You were both stumbling around Fountain House and then you somehow ended up alone together in his room. He seemed like a total 10 at the time but now you're not so sure. Do you even remember his name? Probably not. Do you all of a sudden awkwardly see him all over campus? Definitely.

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4. The East Coaster

This guy is straight out of Newfoundland and you have no idea what he's saying. He keeps referring to his friends as "the byes" and he might have told you he thought you were pretty but you're not really sure. He also constantly refers to some run down pub from his hometown. Don't worry though, his accent gives him a sort of charm and hooking up with him wasn't the worst thing you have ever done.

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5. The Ontarian

This guy strictly refers to Toronto as "the six". He alternates religiously between his Blue Jays and his TML hat, and he's constantly feeling great about himself because he met Drake once. He avidly wheels you until you sleep with him, and then spends the next five months ignoring your very existence. It's okay though because he wore the TML hat while you did it and it really creeped you out.

6. The Older Guy

He was popular in high school and couldn't quite let that go. This means that he spent an extra year living the vic-lap dream in whatever small town he came from before coming to Dal. Now he's that cooler, older guy in your residence that every girl wants to sleep with. You're just as infatuated as everyone else and when you finally win him over you feel pretty accomplished - until your realize that you're the tenth girl to do so.

7. The SMUdent

You met him at Dome. There were lots of shots and a ton of questionable dancing. When he dropped that he went to SMU you thought about getting out of there but then you accidentally felt his bicep and it was pretty big. He also kept telling you how much hotter you were than the girls at his school so you just couldn't resist when he asked you to get out of there.

8. That One Varsity Athlete

When you guys first started texting you weren't even sure if he was interested. He kept blowing you off for things like "practices" and "workouts". You started giving him the cold shoulder because of his oh-so-obvious lies but then you found out that he actually plays for Dal's Basketball team??? Well, you definitely can't say no to Netflix and chill with an athlete.