The day we've all waited for is back. Riverdale is now streaming on Netflix and we're more than happy to see KJ Apa back on our 15" screens. Or Cole Sprouse. Or New Reggie. But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Last season, we left off on a chilling cliff hanger. Fred Andrews had just been shot and the terrifying Blossom Estate was lit into flames, with a hanging Cliff Blossom looking super chill (aka not chill at all.) Season 2 picks up right where season 1 left off - at Pop's, with a shot Fred Andrews bleeding out on the floor. So, let's pick up where we left off, shall we?

We begin with a bleeding Fred Andrews being dragged into a car by our lovable hero, Archie. Poor Arch is quite distressed and manages to knick a few side mirrors off parked cars as he rushed his dad to safety. Hope you have good insurance, Fred! 

Archie soon gets greeted by the gang who calms him down and tells him to go home and change out of blood splattered clothes. Veronica tags along, because she's trying to be the "New Veronica" who's okay with grief and comfort. (Note: was the old Veronica a sociopath?)

Now might be a good time to note that Fred Andrews is having some futuristic dreams in that coma of his. He basically dreams he's already dead/dancing with death as he gets visions of Archie's graduation and further into the future. At this point in the episode, he dreams that Archie joined his construction business (Andrews & Son Construction!!) but Fred 'has to go' because Archie's uncle and grandpa are waiting for him (in the afterlife~~~~so subtle CW!) 

Back at the Andrews' house, Veronica and Archie, had some sexy shower time which definitely woke me up because KJ Apa's abs are basically caffeinated. But after, when Veronica dumped Fred's belongings on a table, his wallet was missing which caused Archie to go into stage-5 douche mode and kick her out of the house! How care you, Archie! As if she didn't relieve your shower boner 5-minutes ago! 

Veronica ended up telling Archie that she was going to be there for him, no matter what and he relaxed and cried a little. This was a soft moment and definitely some of the best acting this episode on KJ's part. Cami, I'm sorry, but you still need to hit up a workshop or two girl. 

Back at the hospital, Kevin and Betty get down to business about Bughead business. Yes - even though there was an attempt at murder on one of their best friends dads, Kevin Keller asks the hard questions. Is Betty Cooper a virgin? And the answer is yes! And so is Jughead Jones Although Betty talked about this with her mom earlier in the episode, which was nothing short of weird as fuck, it was funny to have this chat inserted into the episode. It's true to highschool nature and broke up the tension a bit. 

That is, until Cheryl appeared looking scary as fuck. What's with this girl and the all white? It's creepy at this point, no? Basically, some shady shit went down at Thornhill. It's unclear as to who started the fire or whether or not Cheryl and her mom actually axed Cliff, but Cheryl is not to be fucked with. After casually cutting off her mom's oxygen and basically calling her out for all that verbal abuse season 1, she plainly told her shit is going to change. 

Cheryl also gave us major creeps when she was caught kissing Fred Andrews' forehead (as if this a normal thing you do to your friend's hospitalized father????) and told Archie she was, "returning the kiss of life." much.....

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Fred continued to have future flashes, one of which included Archie and Veronica's wedding. Tbh I'm waiting for Betty and Archie to come THROUGH before the series ends so this was kinda bullshit for me. 

via @talentmanager_mia

We then got our first look at #NewReggie who dare I say, is leagues hotter than old Reggie?? Though he literally had one line and just stood around mostly, he looked amazing and that's all that counts. 

via @lodgebr

In less important news, Hermione Lodge is kind of an uber bitch now?? And a scary one at that? She low-key threatened Veronica for not supporting her father and being disrespectful - even saying that she would hit her but she's not a violent person. Um, you sure gf?? We also got our first glimpse at Hiram, who was incredibly handsome (ofc) and who seems like he might be behind Fred's shooting. My vote is that he probably wasn't, because that's way too obvious. But I'm sure he has some dirty secrets we'll find out about soon. 

Speaking of secrets - how bout dirty old women? At the end of the episode, Fred woke up and Archie vowed to protect him like true martyr and golden child. We last see Archie posing with a baseball bat at the foot of his stairs, vowing to protect his dad. Meanwhile, in a town not so far away, Gross Grundy is back at it again teaching kids music and also sexually harassing minors. 

After her little pupil left it was to my JOY that someone swooped in and strangled her. Before you accuse me of being harsh, this lady's a full on pedophile and I was happy to see her get choked out, ok?? 

Final takeaway is that people might be making hits on people in Archie's life. Why? I have no idea. But considering this episode was titled A Kiss Before Dying I'm going to assume one of the *dramatic* kisses in the show is going to foreshadow something. Cheryl kissing Fred - sketchy af. Or possibly, Veronica kissing her dad. Definitely something to consider in up-coming episodes but we'll have to wait and see. 

I'd also like to shoutout Jughead Jones for being surprisingly not as cringy as usually this episode. The voiceovers are unavoidable but maybe he'll become more likeable as a Serpent - if he converts, that is. Only time will tell.