The moments leading up to getting laid can be the most mentally chaotic - for both guys and girls. Female beauty is wildly commercialized to a point where you could probably guess what kind of things go into the 'before' - shaving your legs, picking out lingerie, moisturizer, hair, make-up.
But what do guys think during the whole 'pre-sex' period? We reached out to some of our male readers & friends and found out the dirty, surprising and even sweet (??) truth about what's going through his head - before you give him head.
1. "For the love of god, my balls better be shaved."
Surprise sex is super hot - but can also be super stressful if you're not prepared. I wanna look and feel good down there, especially if my S/O is going head to head with my dick.
2. "Ok, when's the last time I had a shower?"
Ok this morning. Ok great. There is probably no worse feeling than having a girl about to go down on you and freaking the fuck out about what the situation is down there.
3. "Omg, we're actually going to her place. Omg, we're actually going to have sex."
4. "So happy I did those pushups last night"
My arms are going to look sick.
5. "Last drink of the night because whiskey dick is a huge no."
I need to get laid and I don't need to have a soft dick around a hot girl.
6. "Do I remember how to make-out? Is this an adequate amount of tongue? Yes? No? Okay maybe yes, cool."
I'm going to assume this is going well until it doesn't - a great plan.
7. "Wow I'm getting really excited I need to pace myself. Calm down buddy. Grandma, hockey, nachos."
We need this to last long enough that I'm not embarrassed but not too long that she'll never want to do this again.
8. "I don't know what to do with my hands. Is this one-the-hair, one-on-your-ass doing anything for you??"
I mean, I am having a great time but a little encouragement would be nice.
9. "Was that a good moan or a bad moan? Are you into this or getting hurt??"
Fuck. Oh, wait, that was a good fuck? Okay sick.
10. "What is this belt made of, pure chastity?? This buckle is HELL."
Okay, I think I got it. JK there's another buckle on the other side and I am s w e a t i n g.
11. "I didn't think the top could be worse, but the top is worse. I'm just gunna pull and pray it doesn't rip."
Fuck, was that silk? I have an old Budweiser tee you could wear? Lol??
12. "Let's see how long it takes for me to take off this bra. If it clips in the front, I'm gunna be pissed."
I don't have any front clasp training and will be embarrassed.
13. "Wowowowow hot girl hot girl hot girl."
There is no one happier rn.
14. "And now, let's see if w can get the panties off in one swoop -"
No, nope, caught on your legs. Very smooth.
15. "How much fingering is the right amount of fingering? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? Longer?"
I'm just going to finger you to my favourite songs until I forget the lyrics. Cool? Cool.
16. "Am I having a good dick day? How are we looking down there?"
Usually it's either good dick-day or good hair-day, and my hair looks like shit today soOooOoo.
17. "I hope we keep the lights on, I wanna see everything."
And the lights are off. Sick.