19 American Colleges Brutally Roasted By Urban Dictionary - Narcity

19 American Colleges Brutally Roasted By Urban Dictionary

Urban Dictionary definitions that roast American colleges.

College life is full of highs and lows — from frat parties to finals, new friends to the Freshmen 15. But, there’s so much more than that. And that’s where Urban Dictionary comes in.

As this list proves, no American school is really safe from the snarky, sarcastic, and seething entries likely filed by students in the dictionary we all love and love to hate — not even the best colleges in the United States.

These definitions hold nothing back — and we’ve censored nothing, save for one particularly spicy one.

PSA: None of the following definitions reflect the opinions of our company and staff. We’re just relaying the info. Because, it’s pretty entertaining whether you’re applying for college, in school, or have graduated from one of these fine institutions.

University of Central Florida

Where: Orlando, Florida

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It’s one of the largest universities in the United States — and it shares the same locale as Disney World. But, not everyone feels so fond of the place. Look up the school in Urban Dictionary and find these brutal takedowns:

“UCF provides students of all ages (especially those aged 40+ who never got the chance to go to college) an opportunity to attend and print out a copy of a Bachelor's Degree from their library."

"When asked, 50 percent claimed their mascot to be Mickey Mouse, 40 percent said it was a horse, and 10 percent said they didn't know what a mascot was.”

"...University of Central Florida's intended purpose was to educate students in preparation for employment at Disney World as janitors..." - John C. Hitt

Texas Tech

Where: Lubbock, Texas

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Texas Tech is another big state school and member of the Big 12 Conference. However, other than pointing out how good looking the students are, Urban Dictionary does not have nice things to say:

“The Nation’s Biggest High School" - Orcutt

"where nobody actually graduates but attends for six years just to party and get the Raider rash...” - ag13.

“A minor Texas school that thinks its major located out in the BFE that is Lubbock. Surrounded by desert and cotton fields, Texas Tech is a an oasis for those that were denied admission to either the big orange school or Texas A&M University. May be a major source of STDs.” - Raider Red

"Texas Tech is like Waffle House, you don't really intend to go there but you wind up there anyway." - Orcutt

Duke University

Where: Durham, North Carolina

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It’s a gorgeous campus, and pretty renowned for being prestigious and hard to get into along with its preppy, Southern school standards. But, Urban Dictionary still roasts these students hard:

“Named #2 douchiest school by GQ magazine in 2009; not an entirely unrealistic assessment of this school full of frat star and wannabe frat star boys" - bleedsdukeblue

"Guys and girls don't date often here; the get-schwasted-and-hook-up culture is prevalent.”

Purdue University

Where: West Lafayette, Indiana

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Known for its science, technology, engineering and math programs, Purdue doesn’t fare so well in Urban Dictionary:  

“A university in Indiana famous for being the capital of hatred in the American Midwest. Purdue students, surrounded by ugly people, poor athletic teams, and cornfields, have nothing to do but fester in their own inferiority and bitterness.” -AnnArborIsAWhore

Ouch.

University of Chicago

Where: Chicago, Illinois

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The University of Chicago — UChicago, for those in the know — is known for its culture and diverse student body. Their motto is “Crescat scientia; vita excolatur,” which means “Let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched.”

But, according to Urban Dictionary, this place of higher learning is not so enriching:

“Where fun goes to die...”  - molybdenum 

“Where fun goes up in flames to be reborn from its ashes. Just like your dreams.”         - spellking

“Worst four years of your life” and the “school that people in Korea know about, but people in Chicago don’t.” - UofCAlum

“1. Strange people
2. Too much work due to the student body’s love of procrastination
3. Squirrels are cuter than the girls
4. Guaranteed lower GPA
5. Don't go here” - mybrainhurtsgoodbye

Johns Hopkins University

Where: Baltimore, Maryland

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Founded in 1876, Urban Dictionary doesn't spare this prestigious institution:

“However prestigious its medical programs may be, or perhaps due to it, the female populace at this institution resemble bonobo monkeys. Instead of the normal 1 to 10 scale that is used to describe their physical beauty, Hopkins females go into a different ranking system called HIV (Hopkins Impaired Vision) where the 1 to 10 scale lies somewhere around -7 to 3 on the normal scale." - U-P-B-Z

“Although bonobo monkeys will be offended by the comparison made above, it is the definite truth… if you are looking for a truly hot girl at Hopkins you are an idiot.” -Dan the real Man

Brigham Young University

Where: Provo, Utah

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The mission of Brigham Young University is ambitious and intense — meaning, its purpose is to assist individuals in their quest for perfection and eternal life.  If that doesn’t sound intense enough to you, how’s this Urban Dictionary definition:

“The only university where students are not allowed to have sex.” - Zion Curtain

Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Where: Cambridge, Massachusetts

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The mission of MIT is to advance knowledge and educate students in science, technology, and other areas of scholarship that will best serve the nation and the world in the 21st century.

Naturally, Urban Dictionary weighs in, too:

“... heaven for all nerds and wannabe nerds.” - Globber

“...world’s best practical jokesters... infamous for crashing the Harvard v. Princeton Football game, because MIT doesn't have a football team.” - handspringgirl 

All things considered, MIT got off pretty easy.

Vanderbilt University

Where: Nashville, Tennessee

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Often called the “Harvard of the South,” Urban Dictionary treats this prestigious school in the Country Music Capital of the World with a bit more leniency while still getting plenty roast-y:

“...where all the cool, rich, Southern people go; it’s preppy, fratty, perfect.” - sigmachiguy

“Boasts the greatest party scene of any Top 20 school. The girls here are hot; the guys here are lucky; and the frats and sororities have their own little worlds.” - Keeg-Money

“Money oozes out of the student body (for the 2nd most expensive school in the country, what did you expect?). So, we take shots before going out, but they are always Grey Goose and we use Peach Stoli to make screwdrivers... The work-hard, party-hard attitude is prevalent and there is substantial pressure to predominate at both." - vandy.

“... where everyone is too rich and spoiled to give a crap about the world.” - Ted

And, we’ll just leave it at that.

New York University

Where: New York City, New York

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Located in what many call one of the world’s most inspiring and influential cities, New York University (NYU) offers a vast selection of majors and cross-school minors. NYU students are future Oscar winners, Nobel Prize hopefuls, and budding entrepreneurs — and so much more — according to the university.

But, Urban Dictionary sees it a bit differently:

“...a good portion of the student body is comprised of celebrity children and millionaires.” - West4thSt

“Where gay men are beautiful and straight girls enter a celibate and depressing period of their lives.” - Coonie Central

“One big party with a $50,950 cover charge.” - FerNYU

Harvard University

Where: Cambridge, Massachusetts

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The storied, Ivy League institution has some serious prestige and name recognition. However, its position at the top has also led to some criticism, especially from Urban Dictionary, where the opinions (and roasting) are strong:

“A cesspool of arrogant snobs who will one day own a disproportionate amount of America’s wealth.” - Megh323

"A school in which the graduates will be your future bosses. Everyone hates them out of sheer jealousy, even though people say they hate it, if offered a spot theyd be total assholes and accept like a true hypocrite." - U Jelly BITCH 

“A university for the smart? Not entirely wrong. [It’s also] a university for white people who have a lot of money and a lot of connections..." -John Choon 

Southern Methodist University

Where: Dallas, Texas

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With the motto, “World Changers Shaped Here,” the nationally ranked private university is no wallflower. The Urban Dictionary definition is pretty colorful, though, too — especially when it comes to fashion and status:

“Where going to class is a formal affair and you can never re-wear an outfit."

"Guys sport Lacoste polos with their [designer] jeans and girls pop their collars underneath their sorority T-shirts. Where rainbows, North Face jackets, and Uggs are a staple for summer and winter weather."

"Where getting in the right frat or sorority house defines who you are for the next three years."

"Nobody cares what you drive, so long as it's a BMW or a Range Rover." - KLCE

Need we say more?

California Institute of Technology (Caltech)

Where: Pasadena, California

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This technical institute actually succeeds in roasting itself and MIT in one fell swoop, when it comes to Urban Dictionary: 

 

“MIT’s more sober and hardcore brother. Though MIT thinks it's too cool for Caltech and its students can hide behind its prestige, Caltech remains legitimately superior in the math and sciences without having to resort to mass substance abuse.” -course18

“An institute with a grand total of three girls (one pregnant, one lesbian, and one three-year-old — the dean’s daughter)." - Holding My Sausage Hostage

Princeton University

Where: Princeton, New Jersey

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Like Harvard, Princeton is an Ivy League that doesn’t escape Urban Dictionary’s roast:

“A very good Ivy League college whose graduates are: a) Intelligent; b) Narcissistic; c) Effeminate.” - BcozTheNight

“...home to elitist douchebaggery" - Jamal Clifford.

Yale University

Where: New Haven, Connecticut

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Another Ivy League, Yale is the third-oldest institution of higher education in the U.S. But, it's way more than that according to Urban Dictionary:

“A pompous, shitshow of a university where the wealth of the students is exceeded only be the tightness of their jeans.” - PineyTrain143

“A stuck-up, snobby college, students are accepted based on family ties and not based on merit." - WontGo2YaleB/cI'mNotFilthyRich

“The size of the stick that must be shoved up your ass to attend is now five inches (well above the Ivy League median of three inches, but a half-inch below the maximum). This stick has been growing at an ever-growing rate in recent years, as Yale has consistently recorded the highest endowment growth of any elite university and has seen a resurgence in its programs.” - G0dly342

Stanford University

Where: Palo Alto, California

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Known for both its academics and its athletics, Stanford is often mistakenly thought to be an Ivy League. It’s not. But, that doesn’t keep the still-prestigious from being raked over the coals in Urban Dictionary:

"Where the asshole students can't decide whether they are better than everyone else because they're rich (which they are) or because they're smart (which they aren't). The parties suck and the girls are mediocre.” - Rob

“An evil bastion of California conservatism... the girls are extremely beat and the party scene is deader than Leland Stanford, Jr.” - Tzeentch

The Wharton School

Where: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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The University of Pennsylvania’s school of business is the world’s oldest collegiate school of business and has quite the reputation for generating big ideas and changing the way business is done. But,  there's a slightly different definition in Urban Dictionary:

“Typical characteristics of a Wharton student include:
Lack of simple human decency.
Instant rage when one mistakes University of Pennsylvania for Penn State.
Owning a usurious amount of designer suits.
General disdain for A-minuses
Considering a hundred dollar bill too small for practical purposes.
Possessing a version of their resume customized to every Fortune 500 company.
Laughing maniacally when Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration is mentioned.
And just being all around evil.” - mothafuk444r

Michigan State University

Where: East Lansing, Michigan

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This school should not be confused with the University of Michigan — especially according to Urban Dictionary:

“...more fun... not filled with snobby assholes [like University of Michigan].” - Jen85 

“...the school that no one actually likes until they realize it’s the only place they are smart enough to go to college.” - Wolverine_2

Auburn University

Where: Auburn, Alabama

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The school has developed into one of the largest universities in the South, but Urban Dictionary doesn’t care about that:

"A 'college' located in Southeastern Alabama. Most of the students at Auburn were rejected by the University of Georgia. Students of Auburn are notorious for their subpar intelligence. Auburn students pride themselves with their political correctness and therefore prefer to be called ‘culturally challenged’ rather than ‘rednecks’.” - Dr. Dandoi

“... the football team has never risen above mediocrity, but the stupid fans don’t know any better.” - Southtown hillbilly

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