Canadians Brutally Roast Major Cities In Canada One By One
All the best definitions of capitals across the country from Urban Dictionary.
So you want to learn more about Canada, eh? First things first - you've got to get a better understanding of its major cities. And by that, I don't mean just pulling out an encyclopedia and reading on each of their cultures and histories.
Because perhaps the best way to really get to know a truths of living in a city is by looking up its definition in Urban Dictionary, the ultimate resource of brutally honest descriptions for, well, just about anything.
Here are the best definitions submitted to Urban Dictionary for 8 major Canadian cities:
Note: The views expressed in this article do not reflect those of Narcity Media and its staff. Some of the definitions presented may be NSFW. Take seriously at your own risk.
For Vancouver definitions, click Next.
1. The city where if you own a house already, you can sell it and buy two of the same in Toronto, or three in Calgary, or an entire street in Winnipeg.
"My mouldy 1,200 square foot bungalow in Vancouver costs one million dollars because it's got a yard. A yard with trees? That'll be a million-two."
Submitted by: Rexxx
2. The city where the average house price in the metropolitan region is now $699,000 , and where one in three houses for sale is listed at over a million dollars. Torontonians who move here usually end up downsizing from a 4 bedroom house in the city to a 2 bedroom condo or townhome 3 hours from downtown.
Submitted by: Rennie_
3. Beamerville. The highest concentration of luxury cars and souped up Civics you'll find outside of LA. Offers the best seafood in the world at good prices. Downtown consists of 99% condo towers and marinas. Very nice and all, but make sure you avoid the DTES next door (Downtown Eastside)! Real estate on the west half of the city will cost both your arms and legs as well as those of your children and grandchildren. Ownership of a home starts at one million dollars. Have fun paying off the mortgage.
"I drive around the parking lot at Aberdeen Centre in Vancouver and can only find BMWs and Mercedes Benz..."
"You can't find sashimi like this anywhere outside Vancouver."
"Son of a bitch...I make 200k and I can't pay off my mortgage! Vancouver sucks!!!"
4. A Canadian city located in British Columbia that is surrounded by beautiful scenery (e.g. mountains, water, parks, etc.). A city whose citizens feel the need to remind you over and over again just how beautiful the city is, and just how pathetic and square you are from being from the province of Ontario.
Submitted by: De Beauvoir's Boy
For Calgary definitions, click Next.
1. A city in the province of Alberta, Canada, that has roughly a million people, hosts the Calgary Stampede, and should be the capital city instead of Edmonton.
Submitted by: Zenhachirou
2. Calgary is a very diverse city. Some people say that it's an all-white redneck city and that's bull. You go to the northeast and the whole area is Brown Town. Go to the northwest its all Asians. Go to the southeast and you have entered the ghetto, and southwest is where all the stuck up white people who think they're all sophisticated and wealthy just because they live in an all-white neighbourhood.
Submitted by: sherry.k.g.
3. Calgary is the fastest growing country in Canada. has an awesome NHL Hockey Team called the Flames (not to be confused with flamers, who make up most of Edmonton's population) and a really good CFL football team the Stampeders (apparently, The Rock used to play for them). Houses the World-Renowned Calgary Stampede. There is much more to say about the city, but one really important thing is that Calgary is the cleanest city in the world.
Submitted by: 420420420heythatswhatsup
4. The largest city in Alberta and the best city in Canada. With a population of just over a million people it is big but not too big. Its great location in the shadow of the rocky mountains is not only beautiful but also allows Calgary to experience chinook winds during the long cold prairie winter.
Calgary is also much cleaner than other similar sized cities such as Winnipeg or Edmonton. The population of Calgary is very diverse and is not just a bunch of cowboys and white collar pricks as many Edmontonians will have you believe.
Calgary is a awesome place to live.
Edmontonian:"Calgary sucks waaah, waaah ,waaah..."
Calgarian:"Shut up you jealous prick"
For Edmonton definitions, click Next.
1. Capital city of Alberta, Canada. Has roughly one million people. Weather is quite weird.
May be known as 'Homicide City' for its huge murder percent. Also known for the worst hockey team.
Person 1 : Wow, Edmonton's weather is really wonky, today.
Person 2 : You crazy? It's wonky everyday. Maybe the wonkiness drives people crazy so they end up murdering people, thus our homicide rates.
Person 3 : How cruel... The only thing murdered in Edmonton is their hockey team.
Submitted by: xkimmiiz
2. The capital city of Alberta, Canada.
Roughly one million people.
It is properly known as the City of Champions because of the five-time Stanley Cup champions, the Edmonton Oilers. And the 11-time Grey Cup Champions, the Edmonton Eskimos (most in CFL).
Way better than Calgary.
Submitted by: Anonymous
3. A run-down city with a transit system that's only updated about every 5-7 years. Not planned very well. You are considered poor if you don't live in a condo downtown or if you live out in a suburb, i.e. Lewis Estates, Terwiliger Gardens, Cameron Heights, etc. West Edmonton Mall - don't bother driving 'cause you can get there faster by walking. Only a third of the city is well worth living in (south and west). Don't bother coming here unless you want to get into a car accident, shop at West Edmonton Mall or shot down by a gang.
Dan: "Hey yo Jason, I'm goin to West Edmonton Mall, wanna come with?"
Jason: "Yo man how we gettin' there? Buses only come like every 3 hours and I don't wanna get in an accident on the Whitemud."
Dan: "Yeah good point let's just head to Millwoods Mall."
Submitted by: edmontonianguy
4. A place that looks like ass, but is still expensive to live in.
Shit, I got transferred to Edmonton. It looks like ass, but I still have to pay a lot to live in that hellhole.
Submitted by: Mr Leahy
For Regina definitions, click Next.
1. The only place to have the following seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
Also called Winterpeg.
Submitted by: Xrinth
2. Winnipeg is either a city you love or hate. 20 Winnipeg facts/tips:
1) Capital city of Manitoba, with about 700,000 people.
2) One day the north end will be a pile of dirt.
3) Our football team seems to be getting worse.
4) Awesome bands.
5) Great party city.
6) Easy drugs.
7) Lots and lots of murder (murder capital).
8) Tons of car theft.
9) Plenty of people that are ready to jack you.
10) Home of the Winnipeg Moose. Are they good? I don't even know.
11) Also home of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.... No comment.
12) Lots of sluts.
13) The city of rivers.
14) The only city with the extra season called road construction.
15) Also called Winterpeg.
16) A city where you should always carry some kind of weapon.
17) Mosquitos are ridiculous.
18) Lots of hippies.
19) It's in the middle of nowhere.
20) Entrance to Western Canada.
Submitted by: Winnipeg Rocks!
3. Capital city of Manitoba, Canada. About 700,000 people. Awesome hockey town, former home of the NHL Jets, but were stolen away by corporate America (Phoenix Coyotes). Wicked party town, easy poontang, quite a few sluts. Cold, shitty winters. Sometimes called The Peg.
We're going to The Peg this weekend to get wasted and find some easy college poon.
Submitted by: brandonmb
4. Capital city of Manitoba, Canada.
Seasons: Winter, harsh; Spring, floods; Summer, dry and tolerable; Fall, nothing fun happens.
Temperatures range from -50 to +30 degrees celcius
Ups: Folk Fest (hippy gathering), lots of weed, great bands, Slurpees (Slurpee capital), it's better than Regina.
Downs: Mosquitos, murder capital of Canada, bad weather, bad roads, lots of car theft.
Nicknames: The 'Peg, Winterpeg, Win-a-pig
Name origin: Winnipeg is Cree for Muddy Water, because it was founded on a spot where two rivers met, now called the Forks. The Forks is where the Assinboine River and the Red River meet.
Come to Winnipeg, smoke some weed, buy a Slurpee, throw a bike in the Red River and run to safety from the West Nile infected mosquitoes, then ask yourself, how can Regina be any worse?
Submitted by: benormous
For Toronto definitions, click Next.
1. The largest city in Canada. It's known for its combination of great neighbourhood vibe, cosmopolitan flare, and horribly atrocious downtown architecture. Unlike most major cities, it experienced its big economic boom in the Sixties (go figure.) Otherwise, a peach of a town with great nightlife, booze cans up the wazoo for you after-hours folks, and wickedly georgeous people. So f*ck off.
Submitted by: Torontonian
2. A time-capsule, buried in the 1960s and recently unearthed on the southern shore of Lake Ontario.
Archaeologist #1: "We opened up that city-sized time capsule that we found on the shore earlier this week."
Archaeologist #2: "High five. What was in it?"
Archaeologist #1: "Lots and lots and lots and lots of people with plaid shirts, super-tight jeans, thick-rimmed glasses, and bow ties, all listening to grating three-chord music. 1960s stuff, basically."
Archaeologist #2: "Ohhhhh. That's Toronto you found. It was probably just buried in snow. Not a time capsule. And those 1960s relics are just hipsters."
Archaeologist #1: "Shit. My bad."
Submitted by: hipster_of_the_month
3. Toronto is the most cosmopolitan, ethnically-diverse city in Canada, and last time I checked, North America. Many Vancouverites and Montrealers can't accept this, saying that Toronto is violence-ridden and that we have a drug problem, but overlooking the fact that Vancouver's drug problem is so bad that they actually have detox centres run by the city where heroin addicts can get a safe hit. I won't even talk about Montreal, other than to say that they're whining bitches that can't deal with the fact that they're not Canada's biggest and best city in Canada and haven't been since the 70s.
Besides, we have the hottest women in the world, including Paris and New York. Period.
Submitted by: bad daddy
4. The largest city in Canada that's overrated. People who have never been there think it's great, but when they go they realize it's a shithole. The Leafs suck as well.
Aw shit! I thought Toronto was going to be cool. It's just a shithole.
Submitted by: TheCoolDude123
For Ottawa definitions, click Next.
1. The capital of Canada. Home of the federal government and a great place if you want a job that doesn't require you to do any work. It sadly lacks in variety in entertainment, although it is home to a quality NHL team, the Ottawa Senators, as well as the Ottawa 67's OHL team.
Ottawa is also home to the Tulip Festival and Winterlude, where you can pick up a Beavertail - the best food in the world. The city has a population of 774,072, fourth largest in Canada, but does not suffer from pollution to the same extent other major cities do.
Sundin: I wish played for the Senators so I could live in Ottawa and eat Beavertails.
Submitted by: ~MilkMan
2. The best hockey team in the NHL!
Person 1: Did you see that hockey game againts Toronto?
Person 2: Yeah, Ottawa kicked T.O's ass. It was like 8-0!
Submitted by: R.L
3. You know our city is boring when we talk about our NHL hockey team on Urban Dictionary.
Rick: Wow, I'm going to go see an Ottawa Senators game tonight!
Ed: Yeah, but did you know that the Ottawa Senators haven't won a Stanley cup since 1927, and there is likely no chance that they will be winning any time soon so there is little to no point in supporting that team? Do you also realize that no one on the Ottawa Senators team is actually from Ottawa and that there are players from Toronto and the United States so how can you really call it your team? Did I also mention that hockey is one of the least popular sports in the world where it failed to compete with the top three most popular sports in the United States yet there are some people who make hockey such a big deal even though Canada is the only country where it is somewhat popular?...
Rick: Wow, I'm going to go see an Ottawa Senators game tonight!
Submitted by: ottawaisstupid
4. Ottawa is boring.
Nancy: I am so tired, I haven't slept well in weeks, this constant excitement is wearing me down!
Frank: Have you tried moving to Ottawa?
Submitted by: Ralph Malph
For Montreal definitions, click Next
1. Where else in North America can you go gamble in a casino, drink liquor in a park, smoke spliffs on the street and see the hottest strippers in the world? Oh yeah - legal drinking age is 18!!!
You want to party - come to Montreal.
Submitted by: Citizentom
2. A fine city with a rich and unique history, lovely parks, and a diverse population that is typically recognized for being little more than a great party town by unbelievably lame American jerkoffs who go there to get wasted and hit strip joints.
"I love Montreal! Supersexe is so cool and the Peel Pub is the best bar ev--" (gets punched).
Submitted by: Tyler
3. Canadian city located in the province of Quebec. Is seen by many as a party city, although it becomes quite boring and difficult for the citizen actually living in it due to its unbelievably horrid winters and government that doesn't give a shit.
Montreal is well known for having atrociously maintained streets with more potholes than many third world countries. It is also famous for having terribly constructed bridges that fall apart when driven on.
All Montreal is really good at, is displaying to the outside world that everything is ok.
Person 1: "Hey man, the streets of Montreal are worse than downtown Bagdad!"
Person 2: "Montreal doesn't have potholes, it has craters."
Submitted by: PissedOffMontrealer
4. The city Toronto wishes it was. A place where strangely good looking people, hockey, beer and just having fun are the order of the day. Only city where smoking a joint on the street isn't frowned upon, it's encouraged. Referred to as the Canadian Europe. Home to bands such as the Arcade Fire, Malajube, Mobile, Sam Roberts Band, The Stills, and many, the greatest city in the world, Montreal exudes awesomeness.
Submitted by: Montrealer1994
For Halifax definitions, click Next.
1. The capital of Nova Scotia and the hub of the Maritimes. Halifax is home to weird hip hop artists like Sixtoo and Buck 65.
Submitted by: Agent Chainsawlady
2. The most beautiful City in Eastern Canada. Life slows down once you step off of the aircraft. Lots of friendly people who hold the door open for you. No shopping on Sundays. Also the bars close at 4 am!!!
Good times for sure in Halifax!
Submitted by: Troy-O
3. Beautiful eastern seaport on the Atlantic coast. The best place in Canada to get crabs. Locals speak an interesting patois of English and Norse.
Hey Jimmy we should get some lobster in Halifax and maybe see about picking up a case of crabs by Jez.
Submitted by: gnostic1
4. Halifax is a sex knight! Shing! Shing!
Boy: I went to Halifax this weekend.
Girl: Oh really? Did you have sex?
boy: Of course! halifax is a sex knight! Shing! Shing!
Submitted by: theonewholikesbacon