I Tried The App That Automatically Hides Your Nudes And This Is What Happened
Apparently a lot can classify as "nudity."
A new app developed for iPhone software has been released, and it's uniquely designed to hide all your nudies and d*ck pics from prying eyes.
Although similar apps have been developed in the past that allow you to hide your more sensitive images in a vault under lock and key, this app, appropriately named Nude: The Sexiest App Ever, automatically searches your images for any "sensitive" content and hides them for you rather than yoou having to manually add them in.
I had to see if this app would stand up to its word, so I downloaded it.
Since I didn't have any nudies of my own in my camera roll to verify the app's credibility, I screenshot an image from a webpage that was nudity-filled from top to bottom.
But to my surprise, this basically pornographic image did NOT make the cut (at least not yet, the app is still searching the 2,721 images in my camera roll for nudity). But the photos in my camera roll that the app registered as "inappropriate" were hilarious, weird, and confusing.
For the most part, the app accurately chose pictures that might be deemed sensitive, inappropriate, or filled with nudity, like those that showed quite a bit of bare skin, like my many beach pic outtakes or something as scandalous as a post-pedicure pic I took of my bare feet.
But the ones that missed the mark were mind confusing and funny as hell. I've included them below, along with the only logical explanations I could think of that might explain why the app deemed them inappropriate.
1. A screenshot I took and shared to friends of the "hairy man chest" bathers:
This one's pretty self-explanatory but still hilarious. And thanks to the app, I realize I should probably delete this photo from my camera roll ASAP.
2. This nondescript image of my fingers?
Not sure wtf this is but looks like it may have been an accidental photo of my fingers that the app mistook for some bare-skinned private parts? Not sure.
3. A picture of me in this nude-ish dress.
Not sure if it's the "nude" colour of the dress or my barely-there bust that the Nude app found to be particularly offensive, but it locked it up for me. But I'm somewhat grateful because I didn't like how I looked in it anyway.
4. And finally, a clearly compromising photo of my dog in his full glory.
This is a pretty easy case to make - my dog is clearly naked. And what you might not see is that he's actually in bed with another dog (also naked). I actually think this one proves the app isn't wrong but rather genius!
So what's the verdict on the app, then? Personally, I'll definitely keep it on my phone if for nothing else than sheer entertainment. It's clearly missing the mark in some cases, but for the most part it accurately recognizes nudity and collects it for you.
And best of all the app is pink and the branding is adorable. Created by two 20-something women, the Nude app is totally geared toward females who want to protect all of their sensitive images, which is totally relevant in a society where nude photos of women are far too often distributed without consent. It even has a feature that allows you to delete the picture from your camera roll after importing it into the app.
But one of the best features it offers is a branded watermark that will appear on any nudies that you send to others directly from the app, which looks something like this:
Clearly LA palm trees are way too sexy for the Nude app.