I like to believe that in life, nothing happens for no reason. That timing is responsible for everything. That things happen when they are supposed to happen, and despite the unremitting efforts of human beings to control the uncontrollable, we are fall victim to our destiny. I also like to believe that this timing is sometimes awkward. But my God, yours was perfect.
I'm not the kind of girl to feel sorry for myself, but I was starting to get dizzy. Dizzy from the lies that constantly filled my mind and from all the false promises that were only a way of distracting me. I was on board a merry-go-round that I didn't have the height requirements for - it was too much, and I was too little.
And that's where I let go. Have you ever felt so hurt that you can't feel anything anymore? Nothing surprised me, nothing hurt me. It's a pretty scary feeling when you don't think you can ever go back to normal. I was so used to these sh*tty guys. I said that it was my fate, to just own a collection of almost-relationships.
But you...your timing...it was perfect. It's inexplicable. It's incredible. It's as if life was watching me from above - watching me throw myself from left to right, top to bottom, trying to find my way...and then suddenly she flicked on a light.
I don't know if you know this, but I'm telling you, you're a rare pearl. It's the first time someone's listened to me instead of just hearing me and the first time someone's looked into my eyes instead of just seeing me.
I've heard of guys like you, I've even met a couple. Whilst still clinging onto the arm of some fling, I knew you existed. But existing for me? That's another story. I know you might not really understand it, but by random chance of meeting and daring to be with those who shouldn't even deserve a chance, you start to believe that you exist in another world - a completely separate planet from where all your friends who are dating the good guys are. And our planet, it spins fast - so fast that we barely have time to observe what's happening on the other planet that seems to be spinning at a normal pace. It spins so fast that we get dizzy, dazed and confused...until we're numb.
I told myself that the guys I frequented were my "type". But in truth, a "douchebag" is nobody's type. I told myself that we are human and that we are all flawed. But there is a difference between human flaws and choices we have the power to make. I told myself that maybe he'll change if I stay. But once a douchebag, always a douchebag.
But you, your human flaws don't mean anything when I look at the qualities of your character. The word "douchebag" isn't even in your vocabulary. But the word "goody guy" is. You know what that is because being a good guy is just who you are.
I drowned myself in a vicious cycle of unhealthy relationships. Thank you for coming to my rescue. I was lost in a mob of emotions that manipulated and controlled me. Thank you for pulling the plug. I do not know what I did to deserve you, nor how you continue to bear with me, but thank you for showing me that "good guys" still exist.