Public transit is way too public. Anyone with a little change- alright, more than a little #fareincreases- or a stolen subway token can ride the rocket. Which is great because being the lovely, inclusive city that we are we do not want anyone to feel left out, well except for the loud cell phone talkers, the seat hoggers and the space invaders, we want them to be left out.
Not everything that you see on the the TTC is negative, for example, what about the bad ass old people who ride the TTC with their walkers and refuse to take a seat offered to them by a student because they are only as old as they feel? or the... Okay 99% of things you see on the TTC are just plain awful. Here are the 31 Things You Will Almost Certainly See While Commuting With The TTC.
1. Germaphobes
The people who refuse to touch any aspect of the TTC with their skin and will thus use their t-shirt sleeves even if they have to remove their entire arm to do so and look incredibly silly in the process. We don't blame them because the TTC is nasty but we just aren't as dedicated.
2. Smelly People
Okay, okay, so maybe this isn't something that you see on the TTC but rather, something that you smell. We do, however, argue that 9 times out of 10 you can spot a smelly person before you even smell them.
3. Way-Too-Large-For-the-TTC backpacks
Why are you leaving your 80 pound backpack on your back during rush hour? you could seriously hurt someone with that thing not to mention it takes up space that could be occupied by at least 9 more people.
4. Travellers
It always sucks when you have to take the TTC on your way to the airport because you know you're going to get dirty looks from everyone and their mother when they have to squeeze passed your massive luggage to get on or off the subway.
5. Litter Bugs
The TTC may be garbage but it isn't a garbage can. Take your trash with you, asshole.
6. Feasting
People who eat full meals on the TTC need to be stopped. First of all, be sensitive some people may have allergies or, you know, may be dieting. The last thing we want on our commute home is to smell your tuna.
7. PDA
There needs to be a new movement started, #StopPDA2014. Hand holding and an innocent kiss goodbye is fine but anything else should not happen on the TTC or anywhere else for that matter.
8. Loud Talkers
Go transit has implemented a quiet zone during rush hour and we think that the whole TTC should be a quiet zone. No one should be allowed to take phone calls on the streetcar, especially not if they are going to yell and scream about what their best friend did on that date with that guy the other night.
9. Front End Settlers
Why do people settle at the front of the streetcar instead of filling from the back to the front? Don't worry you're going to get off at your stop and this way people don't have to bump and grind you just to find a spot by the back of the car.
10. Nose picking
Never ok. The gross bodily things that happen on the TTC are unfortunately, not limited to nose picking, there is also coughing and sneezing into your hand before losing your balance and having to grab onto the pole.
11. Unwanted conversation
You can spot unwanted conversation a mile away. It's usually one part senior citizen and one part polite student with headphones in.
12. Doorway Invaders
People who crowd the doors long before their stop and then push any man, baby, dog, unicorn in their path out of the way to be the first one to escape. We know the TTC is no haven but jeez, relax, you won't melt after just one more second.
13. Illegal Activity
There's always that one guy/girl who thinks they are so sneaky between the pages of their textbook or blocked behind their bag- Stop it, we know you're rolling a joint.
14. Flirtin'
The TTC can be romantic.
15. Creepin'
Similar to above only this is the dude who is hard core creepin,' not necessarily in a scary stalker kind of way but in the "Oh you won't give me your number? Fine i'll move on to the girl sitting directly across from you because there's no way you can see that far"
16. Seat Hoggers
We have one thing and one thing only to say about this: Did you pay 2 subway tokens for this ride?
17. Blocked Seats
Don't you hate the jerk who sits on the outer seat of an empty two seater? Slide in to the window seat so we don't have to crawl over you in all awkward glory to sit down, thanks.
18. Travelling Office Space
Some people are so dedicated to their job and/or schoolwork they find it absolutely absurd that they be expected to break even on their daily commute. They have their laptop out, despite the lack of Wi-Fi and their day planner spread out across the 2 seats beside them, not to mention pens, coffee and cell phone within reach. Dedicated to the grind.
19. Arguing
Apparently the TTC is a great spot for couples to argue, friends to argue, businessmen to argue, meat heads to argue or hell even strangers to argue. "Naw babe I am telling you, we need to get off at St. Clair" "oh my god, you're such a jerk!"
20. Some Asshole Playing His Music Out Loud
Headphones were created for a reason and a number of places and we're pretty sure public transit was high up there on the list. You can buy cheap ones at the Dollar store- get a pair, asshole.
21. Stressed Students
The people you see panicking by the door or start hysterically crying when the lady comes on the loud speaker to announce a delay? Late for an exam, because of the TTC, again.
22. Messy Coffee Drinkers
That poor girl who goes to take a sip of coffee right when the TTC jerks to a stop and it goes all over her clean shiny white blouse. #Rough.
23. Balancing Acts
Sometimes there isn't a seat for you, or heck even in a seat you find yourself having to hold on sometimes.
24. Lots of Apologizing
There's a lot of accidental pushing and shoving on the TTC and we are a canadian city after all.
25. Drinking
It's noon somewhere.
26. Die Hard Sports Fans
The guy who wears his full Leafs/Raptors/Jays body suit the day after a big game, that they lost.
27. Proud Pet Parents
Does your lizard really need to leave the house with you on a leash today? Probably not.
28. Lost Tourists
The Toronto transit system is one of the least complex we've ever seen. It goes North and it goes South and then there is one line travelling East and West along Bloor, super easy right? Apparently not for tourists who seem to always be on the wrong side of the tracks (#punny.)
29. Badass Old People
Every time a little old lady gets onto the streetcar with her walker and 5 grocery bags we cannot help but be moved to misty eyes. She is so bad ass, all out and about doing her thing. We also get afraid for her every time the subway screeches to halt so we are always there, arms ready, to save her if she tips but she never does. So. Bad. Ass.
30. Space Invaders
These are the people who have no idea what personal space is, the person who sits next to you when the whole streetcar is empty. Here is my bubble, kindly step out of it.
31. Dead People
I wish I were kidding. A friend of a friend who is also a friend of mine was riding the subway last week beside a girl he thought was just sleeping with her mouth open, harmless right? WRONG! she turned out to be dead. He hasn't stopped showering and we haven't been the same around subway sleepers since.
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