The struggles of growing up in small town Ontario are all too real. From a lack of public transportation and brutal winters to having absolutely nothing to do for fun, living in a small town can feel like a prison sentence at times. But luckily enough for those of us who made it out, we can look back fondly on the memories of living in our one horse towns. If you've ever lived in Erin, Orangeville, Arthur, Fergus, Elora or any other small town in Ontario... this list is for you.
1.Your local Tim Hortons or Subway was the “hangout spot”
Believe it or not, having a Tim Hortons or a Subway in small town Ontario is a big deal. Such a big deal in fact that most of the time these fast food spots become the towns go to spot for street kids and high-schoolers alike to congregate and gossip about their 14 year old social lives.
2. People at your school had country kid lingo
If you were lucky enough to go to high school in rural Ontario, you probably know that country kids have their own language unto themselves. Using “sauce” as a verb substitution for “give” was both endured and encouraged. “Sauce me a dart, bawd.” “Ya duster”, “Dirty lettuce ya beauty…” Im sorry… what?
3. You've gotten stuck behind a tractor
Every rural Ontarian has at one point in their time living in the middle of nowhere encountered a tractor (or horse drawn carriage) meandering down the road at 20 km/h, usually eliciting a “GET THE **** OUT OF MY WAY.”
4. You attended bush parties
Ahhhh the glorious high-school bush parties of our youth, usually on some sort of farm or random field that you decided to illegally trespass on. Fond memories include passing out in cow shit, camping in the back of pickup trucks, and being eaten alive by horseflies and mosquitos. Good times.
5. You knew all the town gossip
One of the worst things about growing up in a small town is the gossip. Somehow, someway every single citizen of your one horse town knows every minute detail about you and your family. Usually discussed at the post office, or the till at the grocery store, old ladies from your church and your best friends mother love to convene and discuss such pressing matters as messy divorces, affairs, and teen pregnancies!
6. You went to Laser dances
A staple for rural Ontarians growing up in elementary school; Laser Dances were the precursor to our sloppy drunken King Street club outings. A training ground for dirty grinding, twerking and the like, these dances were THE place to be in grades 6-8. Classic laser dance anthems include Flo Rida- Low, Usher-Yeah!, and the Macarena.
7. You had horse girls at your school
Everyone from small town Ontario knows at least one. Equestrian girls. They LIVE for horses. They write sentimental Facebook posts about their horses, they take pictures with their horses, in most cases they even look like horses.
8. Tractor pulls and demolition derbies were your town pastime
You know you’re from an extremely hick town when you’ve attended a demolition derby or tractor pull. Truly riveting events, to say the least, watching tractors pull gigantic weights and people smashing cars into one another? Classic entertainment.
9. You have personally dealt with the town drunk
Every small town has one. The town drunk. Hilarious as they might be, any bonafide rural Ontarian has at one time or another had to talk the town drunk down from belligerency and/or doing something stupid. “NO Linda, get down off of that table, and stop trying to swing around on the ceiling fan."
10.You have at least one family member who absolutely hates Toronto
There’s always that one small town person who absolutely despises the city and anything urban. They lament the buildings, the traffic, the grind, the people and the crime, and when you come home they babble on and on wondering how you put up with it. “Ya know what Aunt Bonnie? Toronto doesn’t like you either, so shut up.”
Follow us on Snapchat: narcitytoronto