19 Things That Will Get You Punched In Toronto
Just because Toronto may be known as one of the nicest cities in the world doesn't mean Torontonians don't have human flaws (I know, I know; hard to believe with these looks). Some of those human flaws include pet peeves that may or may not motivate us to resort to our more animalistic side and ditch the brain for brawn. We've adapted our travelling, eating and work out regimes throughout the years to get by in this city. That means there's a certain way and manner that comes with being a decent human being in the 6ix. Long story short: Do these things in Toronto and your bruise will shine bright like a diamond!
PSA: Don't actually punch anyone. One, it's rude. Two, why should you bruise your hand model worthy knuckles for some assholes comment?
1. Stealing a blue seat on the TTC.
She's CREATING LIFE, you can give up your seat.
2. Cutting the line at Wildflower, Sweet Jesus, Warehouse.... Or pretty much anywhere where there's more than 2 people in line.
Pissing off a long line of hungry/tired/cold people... You really want to test that out?
3. Dissing the Raptors in any type of way.
Oh you're not a fan? You don't get why we got that far? You think we got lucky? You see my hand coming towards your face?
4. Saying you live in Toronto... When you live 2 hours away.
No, no, Whitby is not "basically downtown".
5. Claiming you're part of Drake's entourage for a pick up line.
Oh so you were the one who inspired 6 God? Really!
6. Wearing excessive amounts of OVO swag, and judging anyone who's not wearing it.
We get it, you like Drake! So do I I just don't need a large owl on my chest 24/7 to remind me.
7. Stealing someone's table at one of these brunch spots.
Brunch isn't a joke here, it's a lifestyle. Don't steal life.
8. Cutting off a cyclist in Toronto when you're driving.
9. Cutting off a car in Toronto when you're cycling.
It's a lose-lose in this city.
10. Standing still on the left side of the up escalator.
Very specific, but very accurate. Commuters are savages, you'd think every morning was a time trial for the next Olympics at the pace Torontonians travel (or attempt to).
11. Not picking up your dog's mess in the park, especially on the sidewalk.
Dogs and the city go together like the CN tower and Views. And you're guaranteed to get 2 times the punch for the latter, pun intended.
12. Defying all rules of basic road etiquette on your electric bike.
What is an e-bike!? And why do they feel the need to not stop when cars have to, yet they can magically take up an entire 50km/hr lane going half the speed?
13. Bringing your leather purse to one of these Vegan restaurants.
With a huge surge in the amount of Vegans (whether fad clingers or true believers) in Toronto lately, don't be that person who claims their vegan clutching their new hand-stitched Louis Vuitton.
14. Calling Norm Kelly "un-cool".
He's the best city councillor/rapper/twitter celebrity fusion of a seemingly average joe Toronto has ever seen. If you diss him you better believe he's just short of 300k twitter followers will come at you with a vengeance, and probably that kid in Michigan who has Norm's picture as his phone case.
15. Not saying sorry in any context possible where you could have offended someone.
"I'm so sorry I didn't mean for my face to get in the way of your hand! Let me buy you a coffee at Tim Hortons!" A necessary byproduct of being Canadian is apologizing for things we don't need to; it's pretty much expected.
16. Picking up a cougar at Crocodile Rock and running into her husband.
Investment-benefit ratio worth it? We say no.
17. Ruining someones photo op at The Porch.
I paid 20 dollars for this comedically large drink, let me at least get ONE good picture with it.
18. Changing a song right before the beat drop when you're pre-ing with your squad.
I was waiting TO GET IN FORMATION , just let a girl slay okay?
19. Cutting then standing right in front of someone during a concert, then have the audacity to request more space to booty pop.
Festival season hype comes with basic manners people.
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