Photo cred - aintedluxe
For an out of towner, Toronto can be a confusing place. There are so many neighborhoods to navigate, cabs to hail, and streetcars to ride (or not ride) that sometimes you just don't know what's what, and least of all, who's who.
There's many a thing you don't understand, I'm sure, and what better way to clear up all the confusion than another list.
1. Why we are better than you
If you aren't from here, chances are you won't understand this. There's no real reason, just accept it and move on.
2. Why everyone calls it the "SkyDome"
Sorry newbie, but long before there was the Rogers Centre, the SkyDome was the main moniker for Toronto's premiere stadium.
3. How transfers work
They are good for one-way travel people, one way.
4. How we afford to live here
"The city is so expensive, I don't know how anyone can live there" - some random out of towner. Somehow we just make it work, mainly be actually working.
5. How to find low profile hipster restaurants with no signage
6. How to eat tapas style
It's rocket science, really. Best to bring along a veteran.
7. How to push your way onto a bus when there is absolutely no space and the driver is telling you not to
Out of towners lack the gusto and ferocity many Torontonians have, especially at rush hour. Get on our level.
8. How to sneak your way on the back of the streetcar
Just do it.
9. How to spend a fortune at a blue jays game on food & drink
Sometimes you just gotta do it. I mean you need something to do while that boring game is happening.
10. How to get a tinder date in the flash of an eye
This is a city. Everything is closer. Even tinder sex. Enjoy.
11. Our political alliances
East end versus west end. Pick one and live your life accordingly (ie. spend all your money on tattoos in the west or become obsessed with quaint cupcake shops in the east)
12. How to text message and walk fast at the same time
It's all about fearlessness.
13. Why we spend so much money to go to Leafs games and they suck
Does anybody understand this? Love can do strange things to you.
14. Why we go to a beach with no intention of swimming
The water is dirty so I guess we'll just not and say we did.
15. Taking the king streetcar is useless
Better off walking.
16. The complex relationship between motorists and cyclists
Just don't get involved, it's easier that way.
17. You shouldn't drive downtown when the Gardner is a shit show
You've been warned.
18. How to not get caught in streetcar tracks
It takes practice people. Some learn faster than others and some end up at the hospital after a bike accident getting stitches in their chin.
19. How to choose a brunch spot
If you don't know anything about our brunch scene how can you expect to make the right choice? Get informed.
20. How to find parking/parking that isn't going to cost you a small fortune
You can park at the Value Village in Leslieville for free. Bet you out of towner's didn't know that. Now you do, and you're welcome.
21. Why you don't tell the guy on the subway listening to music without headphones to turn his music down
This guy could be totally bat shit crazy. Chances are he is totally bat shit crazy, and we do not want to involve ourselves with bat shit crazy.