Moving to Toronto is an accomplishment. It is something that should be celebrated and looked upon as a huge step in the right direction, regardless of your career, hair colour, or your stance on public holidays.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Toronto is the centre of the universe, and you made it here. So congratulations, here is a list of things you can now look forward too.
1. You’ll become cooler
- You live in Toronto now, congratulations and welcome to the club.
2. You'll avoid marrying someone all your friends have dated too
- You escaped some hell hole small town and now you see the light.
3. You will make plans to go to the island often yet never go
- Not really sure why most people don’t get around to doing this.
4. You will become far too opinionated about tacos
- It’s true, there is A LOT to say about tacos in this city.
5. You’ll start to hate chains and go to independent coffee shops
- There are a myriad of coffee shops here, why support the man?
6. You’ll develop or perfect your resting bitch face
- The Toronto streets have a way of changing even the friendliest of people.
7. You will learn to ignore building fire alarms
- They have a way of “testing” these alarms at very convenient times. Usually sunday mornings at about 8am. Fuck you fire alarm, I’d rather burn alive then wake up right now.
8. You’ll drink at Trinity Bellwoods Park
- Whether drinking in parks is your thing or not, you’re bound to wind up here at some point.
9. You will push over people at union station gutlessly
- Meh. In all fairness she was in the way.
10. You’ll refuse to go north of Bloor
- I don’t know what happens north of bloor but I do know it’s not important.
11. You’ll join Bumble
- Torontonians love their Bumble, always fun running into your friend's profile.
12. You’ll start to hate hipsters, yet you yourself will continue to wear thick rimmed glasses and toques
- Don’t be such an effing hypocrite.
13. You will talk about Drake more
- Yup, he’s from Toronto, and yup, we talk about him a lot.
14. You will start hating streetcars
- Nothing like a streetcar gridlock in rush hour, in the heat, to bring out everyone’s nice side.
15. You will try to avoid ever going to Yonge and Dundas
- Between tacky street performers & religious causes, this is a scene everyone wants to avoid.
16. You will meet a serial dater
- Serial dating is a thing now.
17. You will hear about Rob Ford more times in a day than you want to
- I just don’t care about Rob Ford…
18. You will make fun of people who go to tourist spots for dinner
- We all went at these places for our birthday one time or another, and now we’re over it.
19. You’ll get a bike
- Most people bike around here.
20. You’ll almost die on your bike
- It’s a civil war out there people. Car vs bikes vs streetcars. Prepare thyself.
21. You’ll drink craft beer and become super snobby about it
- It’s happens to the best of us and craft beer is just so so much better.
22. You’ll always be broke
- Going out all the time just can’t be avoided.
23. You will learn very quickly that it’s all about brunch
- Eat. Sleep. Brunch. Repeat.
24. You will become a foodie or know at least five
- Horse tartare anyone?
25. You’ll start buying vintage/used clothes that are more expensive than new clothes from the store
- So many good shops near Ossington
26. You’ll go to shitty music and/or dj events that suck but still go because they’re considered “cool”
27. You won’t think hooker Harvey’s is the least bit entertaining anymore
- You’re over it.
28. You’ll pay a ridiculous amount in rent just to brag about the area you live in
- “I live at king and spadina therefore I’m better than you”.
29. You’ll spend far too much time in a line-up waiting to get into a restaurant because they don’t do reservations and it’s the “in” spot
- Oddseoul, Black Hoof, Grand Electric...to name a few.
30. You’ll either love or hate Leslieville
- East or west. Pick one.
31. You’ll be in awe once you go to the Loblaws on Carlton
- Pretty sure they have a full functioning bar there.
32. You will become embarrassed of our subway system
- It’s small and crappy.
33. You will suggest tourists go check out the distillery district or take a tour at Steam Whistle Brewery
- Seriously so pretty. For tourists.
34. You will end up alone and drunk at Poutini’s at 3am gorging on poutine
- There might even be some tears, but whatevs, no judgement here.
35. You’ll get into an argument with a TTC employee
- Seriously why are these people so miserable?
36. You’ll become really good at ignoring people on the streets approaching you to care for their cause
- Caring is so 2006
37. You’ll be faced with the question “omg have you been to Khao san road?” on the reg
- And the answer is yes, you’ve been and it’s delish.
38. You’ll go on a date at Snakes and Lattes
- Who doesn’t like board games and drinking and dates?
39. You’ll love over paying for drinks on rooftop patios
- “Do you have a rooftop patio?” “Yes but our drinks are a billion dollars.” “I’m in”
40. You will have a complicated relationship with street meat
- One minute I want it and the next minute I don’t...
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