Photo cred - CueDigitalMedia

Sometimes you just gotta go. What do you do when you’re in greasy Toronto and you can’t hold in your number two? When you’re sober you really DO mind if it’s a disgusting washroom. So where do you go when you’re walking down College Street and you HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW? Alleyways aren’t an option in the daytime, so before you pop a squat, check out this list and make a beeline for the closest one to you.

Click here for 7 Toronto Public Washrooms You Would Not Think To Take A Really Relaxing Shit >

The MaRS Washrooms on College and University

  • Cleanliness: 5/5
  • Emptiness: 5/5

I have no idea what this building is for or what goes on there. All I know is that is has one of the nicest, cleanest, fanciest public washrooms in the city. Even better-- it’s pretty much always empty, so you can evacuate last night’s chili dog binge in peace.

Hero Burger Yonge & Sheppard

  • Cleanliness: 4/5
  • Emptiness: 5/5 (single stall)

As an avid Hero Burger fan and lover, I’ve been to a few locations around the city. The Queen and Spadina one is convenient, but the bathrooms are filthy. If you ever happen to find yourself on the outskirts of the city, a little too close to the suburbs for your liking and craving a burger and a poop, this is the place. Then immediately hop back on the subway and go downtown. Right away.

Ryerson Library Bathrooms

  • Cleanliness: 4/5
  • Emptiness: 2/5

I guess it’s a little creepy to randomly walk into a campus, especially if you’re an adult. But hey, just act casual and blend in and you can get away with anything. The third floor bathrooms in the POD building at Ryerson are recently renovated and pretty decent.

Photo cred - UofT gallery

Robarts Library Bathrooms

  • Cleanliness: 3/5
  • Emptiness: 3/5

Speaking of campuses, U of T has a gigantic one. Theoretically, you could walk into any building and find a bathroom, but what you really want is the library bathrooms at the Robarts library. Only U of T students can get up to certain floors, but for now

TIFF Bell Lightbox

  • Cleanliness: 4/5
  • Emptiness: 4/5

Awe yeah. Catch yourself on King Street, pop in here and think about what movies you might want to see while you’re sitting on the john.

McDonald’s on Queen & Spadina

  • Cleanliness: 3.5/5
  • Emptiness: 1/5

This 24-hour joint looks disgusting and, frankly, is. But the upstairs washrooms are always weirdly clean. The lineup for ladies on Nuit Blanche was unbelievable. But it was clean. Don’t question it-- just take advantage. It might not be empty, but it’s good enough in emergency situations.

Urban Eatery at Eaton Centre

  • Cleanliness: 4/5
  • Emptiness: 0/5 but this is a plus for me

Yeah, malls suck and mall bathrooms suck more. But if any mall is worth braving, it’s this one, because the Urban Eatery washrooms downstairs are clean, big, and shiny. There’s almost never a line (at least in my experience), and any weird smells tend to dissipate fast. And because it usually tends to be quite loud and busy, you can poop without worry of any sounds and scents being traced back to you. Bonus points if you have a friend with a baby or can somehow sneak into the private nursing washroom-- there’s a microwave and an orchid and if it’s empty, it’s gigantic. You’ll feel truly #blessed.

Looking for more? Click here for 30 Things You’ll See On Any Toronto University Campus At Any Given Time >