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8 Things That Will Happen To Anyone With Resting Nice Face In Toronto

By now, we all know about Resting Bitch Face syndrome (or RFS for short). Better yet, we all know some -or perhaps many- people who suffer from this condition, especially in Toronto. If looks could kill, these people would be straight up serial killers. Of course, they can’t help the general look of disdain and silent anger that controls their resting expression while they glare into space on the TTC, but it can still scare the sh*t out of the rest of us.

But what about the often forgotten counter-part to RBF; those of us who suffer from RNF: Resting Nice Face? We are people too… people who happen to be graced with constant, nice resting facial expressions that make us a literal moving target for every cringe-worthy interaction imaginable. Yes, our faces may be plastered with a smile, but the struggle can still be very real. With that said, here are a few things that will happen, without fail, to anyone with RNF in Toronto on a daily basis.

1. Everyone (no really, everyone) talks to you

Not a single day goes by where you don’t have multiple conversations with total strangers, as if you’ve known each other your whole life. That 10 minute wait for your $10 gourmet sandwich at Holt Renfrew Café? Might as well be speed dating. The wait for your skinny vanilla latte at Starbucks? New friends for all. “Hey, how are you?” quickly transitions into you explaining where you live, where you work and any other personal detail someone might require to stalk or kidnap you. And of course, you will continue to smile pleasantly as you slowly attempt to back away from the conversation, usually to no avail.

Gif via Giphy

2. The Jesus Guy Will Scream in Your Face

I’m talking about the older gentleman at the corner of Yonge and Dundas who lets out a guttural noise I honestly can't even begin to explain because I'm not sure if it's actually English. Regardless, he will set his sights on you, scream his weird musings in your face while simultaneously shoving a pamphlet your way. Meanwhile, you'll silently smile back at him while you try to regain your internal equilibrium because he just scared the sh*t out of you and you spilled your Starbucks all over your shirt. Thanks, good day.

Gif via Giphy

3. You Are a Walking Target for Cosmetic Samples At The Eaton's Centre

Hudson Bay, Shoppers Drug Mart, Sephora... have you ever gone into one of those stores without getting literally maced with perfume or gaining a swath of make-up sample applications that turned your arm or face into the Jersey Shore Massacre? Probably not. I'm now crying poison tears of perfume but thank you for the samples, no really, thank you!

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4. Personal Space Or "You-Time" On The TTC Does Not Exist

You have no bubble, your need for personal space does not exist based on your angelic looking face. Oh, you want to rub knees? Sure. Oh, you want to look over at my phone or Kobo? What's mine is yours! Oh, you want to show me that pic you photo-bombed with Drake at the Lost and Found? So cool! Oh, you want to delve into all your deepest, darkest, secrets and gush about the horror you felt when you found your ex's name on the Ashley Madison leak? I'm all ears. Let no lines be left un-crossed.

Gif via Giphy

5. People Always Think You're Into Them

Listen, romantic or sexual advances in Toronto can be legitimately cringe-worthy. Just because our face betrays the actual repulsion and horror we feel when you yell "Hey baby, you want some of dis?" while twisting your face into gross, suggestive motions, doesn't mean we will ever want some of that. More importantly, if you ask for our number while waiting for a drink at Citizen on Saturday and we attempt to (very nicely) change the subject, please do not persist relentlessly, we are likely very uncomfortable [insert internal screaming here].

Gif via Giphy

6. People Assume You Are Incapable Of Getting Mad

Excuse me miss, but you just used your Michael Kors purse as a battering ram to wedge in front of me in the bathroom line at EFS and pierced my foot with your stiletto. No, I am not impressed. I may look like I am a sweetheart (I mean, I am) but you need to back yourself up because this RNF is about to explode.

Likewise, on the off chance that you ever find yourself in a tiff with your friends, they will most likely think you're just kidding. "Oh, you're so cute when you try to get mad!" Thank you for making me feel like a pit-bull trapped in a kitten's body.

Gif via Giphy

7. People Will Always Ask You For Directions

Toronto is a cultural hub and a major tourist attraction, which is great, until carloads of "We Are the Miller-esq" families start pulling over on Dundas to drill you with direction-related questions. Listen, I know where I am going probably less than 15% of the time. Unless it's the Roger's Centre or my Sunday brunch spot (Smiths, of course), my attempt at directions will probably lead you into some deep, dark corners of Toronto that I didn't even know exist and that you and your family do not intend to end up in. Trust your map, not my RNF.

Gif via Giphy

8. Your Face Is The Equivalent Of A "Free Hugs" Sign

Maybe you don't want to be touched, maybe you're uncomfortable, no one knows and no one cares. Hugs for all.

Gif via Giphy

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