I Worked Out Like Kim Kardashian For A Week And It Almost Killed Me
It's no secret to the world at this point that the Kardashians are known for their enviable physiques. Though the movement started after Kim's infamous sex tape back in 2007, the rest of the Kardashian clan is now praised for their tight, toned tummies and big fat asses. Each and every Kardashian lady, even Mama Kris J, serves as deserving fitspo for anyone who needs a kick in the butt.
I'll go on record in saying that Kim Kardashian and J-Lo are to thank for the big booty revolution of the late 2000's and for that, we must be grateful. Embracing all bodies and shapes is hella important in a formerly Kate Moss-ruled world. Everyone's shape deserves a shoutout, even though no one ever wrote a song about a girl with a small ass. (That's a Khloe quote, btw.) Anyways, this week I took on the intimidating af task of working out like Kim K for
seven five days straight. And also, to make my life a little easier, dieting like her too.
The Kim K diet isn't super far off what I usually eat. Kimberly is a huge fan of the Atkins diet, which tons of celebrities swear by for weight loss from Jennifer Aniston (QUEEN) to the perma-hot Hallie Berrie.
The Atkins diet is all about high protein, high (healthy) fat foods with not a lot of carbs. This means an emphasis on lots of leafy greens and staying hella hydrated. Therefore, every day this week, I guzzled a S'well bottle's worth of water before eating anything. Some days, even two. Averaging on about 6-7 a day.
Day 1: Booty Bootcamp
To kick off the week, I indulged in an evening bootcamp style workout at my local gym. Kim has been on record saying she luuuuvs Barry's Bootcamp in LA. And while my instructor was named Jorge and for sure lived somewhere in East Toronto, I felt that same Kim K vibe doing resistant band squats around the room. The slow burn through my thighs just made me think of how lean and mean Kimmy's are and gave me a nice (Yeezy) boost.
Day 2: Rise and Grind
The night after my bootcamp class, I set an alarm for 5:30 a.m. to get up and grind at my gym a la Kim. I live for her 6 a.m. workout snaps as they really inspire me to crawl out of my bed at a reasonable hour. After a quick stretch, I hopped on the treadmill for a series of sprints. Though I didn't have a lush Calabasas hill to run up, or a loving personal trainer telling me to 'visualize', I still managed to crush a couple miles, a squat circuit and abs before I had to get ready for work. I snapped my top-friends a classic Kim-K sneaker pic of my Nikes with a boastful "6:30 a.m." time filter over-top. "Ur fucked" - snapped my long time Bay Street bro. "Fucking fit!!1!" I snapped back.
You'll see, you'll alllllll see.
I kept my lunch and dinner to lean proteins, like chicken and fish, with mixed veggies. And only had
one, ok two beers at the bar. We can only be so strong.
Day 3: Graduation (is a Kanye West album not an excuse)
Welp, well, today was my university graduation from U of T. In retrospect, an exciting day! But also terrible. My 5a.m. workout the day before, plus a full workday and an impromptu date night, resulted in me falling asleep during my actual convocation. While the presidentof U of T was addressing my graduating class, my head knocked back like Ye here, sans the adorable accompaniment of a sleepy toddler sidekick. Post grad - and a well deserved nap - I settled for a 5km hike around a park near my house, pretending the hills were ones in Hollywood and praying that I wasn't caught snoozing on anyone's Snapchat story.
Day 4: Work Work Work Work WERK
Idk why Kim had such a huge problem with her breakfast this day, but I was very into the morning eggs routine. I added some spinach, onions and red pepper to my breakfast eggs with some good good tabasco and steak spice. Did I want to cry a little bit watching my mom eat rye toast with butter? Yes. But somehow I kept on keeping on (or keeping up? lol help me).
Though the Vogue Cold Pressed Juices looked fking amazing on Kim's snapchat - they are also super limited edish (and expensive at $13 each). Throughout the week I drank one green juice a day in the morning, right after my eggs. They really gave my wallet a workout but still sustained my hunger and also made me feel like a fking ~*hip*~ millennial in the office for a hot minute.
Today's workout was a classic Kim K 3 mile run, with some simple squats and deadlifts. I threw myself on a treadmill next and tuned in to a random CSI Miami show for a solid 35 minutes of running/high incline walking cool-down. Post-workout, I rewarded myself with buying a ginger kombucha for the next morning and eating a - bunless - veggie burger for dinner.
Day 5: Bound 2 (gain this weight back)
Good morning! It is day 5 and here is a picture of me irl sipping my kombucha and living my best life! (Also, a quick RIP to Kim's adorable cat Mercy. You were a great kitty and an even greater accessory as pictured in this ahmazing shot.) Spoiler, I did not look this cheery waking up for my last 5:30 a.m. workout. In fact, my #mood was very on brand with this Kim K snap:
I mean, we've all been there. Was today a 3-mile day? Fk no. But I did manage to crank out a 7(and 55 second) minute mile! Which is HUGE for a girl who loves a casual 9-minute mile. Small victories, baby.
For lunch, I picked up a chopped salad with tofu instead of Kim's classic chicken. I've chugged at least 4 water bottles since the day started and don't plan on slowing down either.
End of week final thots
This week has been a rollercoaster - and not a fun private ride at Disney Land with the Kardashian Klan. Juggling daily workouts with a work schedule, healthy meals and a tired-gal demeanour was a challenge, but one I ended up really liking. For the most part, I enjoyed being active everyday, just to get out of the house and feel more productive. The diet was seriously not as bad as I thought it would be and I feel more hydrated than ever before.
When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was 5 pounds lighter than I was last week. 5 whole pounds guys! Truly, an accomplishment that I don't take very lightly. I definitely noticed a better glow to my skin and more definition in my abs.
I even thotted it up in true Kardash style by buying some new lingerie (sadly not La Perla) and self tanning to complete my lewk.
Will I continue to do 5a.m. workouts on the reg? Maybe, maybe not. I do like getting my fitness done before the rest of my day. It saves a lot of time and gives me a great jump start. But on the days I'm feeling a little sleepier, I won't feel guilty hitting snooze - so I don't end up snoozing in public again l-o-l.
To celebrate this week of grinding, I plan on having some patio dranks with my pals. Maybe a tequila or two, seeing as it is newly Kim K approved. Hope y'all enjoyed and are maybe inspired to get that a$$ in gear. Who knows, it could make you famous someday.