You've finally found a guy you like, congrats! In Toronto, with the amount of fuck boys running through the clubs, this is a rare thing. But now what? Does he like you? Does he want to date you? Is this just a physical thing? Do you bring up your feelings? Or do you just hide them? For the love of God, what happens next?!
You ask yourself all these questions and more in an attempt to figure out how dating in 2015 actually works. Amid bad Tinder dates, being your friend's regular third wheel and drinking wine by yourself in your apartment, can this guy actually be the real deal? Is he going to join you in the hype of cuffing season or is he only going to call you bae in secret and never take you out in public? These are the main struggles of nailing down a Toronto guy.
1. Friends - but you want more.
In short, dating today in Toronto ultimately starts with the "let's be friends" conversation. Whether you met at a TIFF after party or in the fresh foods section at Loblaws, you exchanged numbers somewhere between sipping vodka crans or reaching for the same mango. Boom, you have a brand new attractive male friend - game on.
After a few weeks of casual hangouts at Weldon Park and Snakes & Lattes, he brings up the "I'm not ready for anything serious" conversation. However, he'll still expect you to do things with him that generally would be considered inappropriate for a friendship. Hello to the friends with benefits stage - the stage where the sex is good and you secretly hope he'll want to be more after the first few hook-ups. No shame, we've all been there at least once or twice (or eight times... still not judging).
3. Half-Assed Exclusivity
He doesn't want you to be his girlfriend but he doesn't want you seeing anyone else. He wants you to be loyal while he isn't. This is what I like to call exclusively not dating - you have a 75 per cent boyfriend, someone who doesn't consider himself your boyfriend but basically is. Ahh exclusivity, why you gotta be such a bitch? Suddenly you start to catch feelings and he becomes distant, constantly reminding you that he's not ready for a relationship. Okay nvm, back to a zero per cent boyfriend.
4. Circling the Drain
Four months later you're STILL banging the bartender at Come and Get It (or whatever your local bar is) who is STILL not your boyfriend. He's the one with the commitment issues although he'll point fingers at you, saying you're the one who's emotionally damaged (excuse you sir). But you're still secretly hoping that he will just miraculously come to his senses and realize what a catch you are and want to be your boyfriend officially. Nothing wrong with being the girl who tries to make a bad thing work, however, the struggle will be really really real. In a nut shell, this is what it's like trying to nail down a Toronto guy.
Photo Cred - Giphy
5. The Blame Game
Maybe it's the idea of being in a big city that makes guys want to spread their wings... spread them to every girl in the Entertainment District, in the Garden District, in the Business District... well, you get the idea. Maybe it's the sheer fact that Toronto is the most populated city in Canada, thus it has a higher rate of losers for girls to get stuck with. Maybe it's the fact that our millennium cares more about good times at F-Stop and the newest trends at the Eaton Centre rather than meaningful relationships.
Regardless, being a single girl in a big city is hard because Torontonians just don't date anymore. People just hangout and make out for months on end until one of them brings up the "what are we" conversation. The other person then decides whether or not the two of you are boyfriend/girlfriend or just fuck buddies. It seems that no one really cares to get involved in relationships anymore - somewhere along the line from Union to Bloor, we turned into a generation that is complacent when it comes to the matters of love.
However, none of this is your fault. Blame the guy, blame the bar, even blame Toronto if you have to, but don't blame yourself. Being single and developing feelings for someone is not and never should be a reason to be sorry. Don't ever be apologetic for walking away from something that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy. Being caught in a bad cycle or losers is ultimately just a phase. After all, if Jennifer Aniston can get over Brad Pitt, you can get over this dude. Mr. Right is in fact out there, somewhere... he just might be too busy at Zanzibar for now to realize it just yet, but don't lose hope, give it time! As a strong, smart, young female, you have better things to do than fuck boys. Stay for the sex, but leave when you know that's all it will ever be.