12 Things That Will Definitely Get You Punched In The Face In Vancouver

Protect yo' neck.
12 Things That Will Definitely Get You Punched In The Face In Vancouver

Let’s admit it, living in Vancouver is pretty sweet. There are endless cute cafes to eat at, loads of places to do yoga, and of course, we have Dude Chilling Park. It really doesn’t get much more badass than that.

However, as awesome as living in Vancouver is, there’s still a long list of things that annoy its citizens daily, whether it’s a Compass card not tapping properly on the first try, or maybe a driver that doesn’t quite understand the concept of a bike lane.

With so much rage hiding just below the surface, attempting any of the following is a surefire way to make even the calmest of Vancouverites totally snap.

Photo cred- @__lalalalaine

1. Being “that” person on the SkyTrain.

You know the one. It’s crowded and the ride seems to be even rockier than usual. Everyone is grumpy and wishes they could sit down, but they can’t because the only free seat is occupied by a bag or a longboard or something equally inanimate that does not need a seat for any reason at all.

Photo cred - @weheartit

2. Not following proper umbrella etiquette, especially on Granville Street.

Granville is notoriously bad for umbrella etiquette, so here’s a tip: if you have an umbrella, please just walk in the rain. The dry strip provided by the building awnings is reserved for those of us who are terrible at planning ahead. Don’t steal that from us.

Photo cred- @weheartit

3. Saying, “Craft beer is overrated”, anywhere in Gastown.

Good luck. Everything in Gastown is craft beer. You want a bottle of water? Sorry, you get a craft beer. You ordered a milkshake? That sucks. Enjoy your beer.

Photo cred- @hewasazombie

4. Hogging the harmonograph at Science World.

It’s been half an hour and the line hasn’t moved at all. Up front, some jerk is on their third drawing, adjusting the pen and kicking the pendulums like they own the place. We all wanna make cool spirals, man. Hurry up.

Photo cred- @shay.la.vie

5. Having literally any opinion about the Canucks that is different than that of the person you’re talking to.

Even worse, be from Vancouver, but like a team that isn’t the Canucks. If there’s one thing we can all agree on though, bandwagoners are the worst.

Photo cred- @tomhill_photography

6. Lying about being from Vancouver just to add to your street cred.

We all want to be from Vancouver, I know. However, there’s a huge difference between living in Vancouver and living near Vancouver. Surrey isn't Vancouver. Richmond isn't Vancouver. You're not from Vancouver.

Photo cred- @secretattire

7. Pulling the classic, “I NEED to get through, my sister/friend/great-great grandma twice-removed is up there”, move at the Vogue.

No one is up there waiting for you. We all know no one is up there waiting for you. If you want to get closer to the stage, maybe don't come an hour after the doors have already opened. Plus, everyone who waited outside for hours in (most likely) the rain now considers you their worst enemy.

Photo cred- @uncglobal

8. Standing right in the middle of the escalator at any busy SkyTrain station.

How do you not realize you’re in everyone’s way? Can you not feel the angry gazes burning a hole in you? Can you not hear everyone behind you cursing you under their breath?

Photo cred- @zsoldosszandra

9. Going to a concert at Deer Lake Park and saying, "Man buns and plaid are sooooo 2014”.

Watch in fear as thousands of heads swivel in your direction, hitting you with a barrage of unimpressed scowls. This will most likely be followed by everyone self consciously patting their buns and straightening their plaids.

Let's be real though, this is Canada. Plaid will never die.

Photo cred- @stephendrover

10. Feeding the dog-sized seagulls at Granville Island

So you have a couple fries left, and figure you’ll help out a loitering bird. Unfortunately for you, that bird’s entire crew just saw what you did, and they want in. Now there’s fifty seagulls swarming you, and you’ve ruined lunch for everyone within a ten metre radius. Congratulations.

Photo cred- @uroutfitgirl

11. Assuming everyone from Vancouver knows each other, as if this place isn’t huge.

No, I don’t know your friend Janice. No, I’ve never met Doug, even if he hangs out on Robson Street as much as you say he does. Oh, you want me to keep an eye out for your friend James at the show tonight? Great, I’ll be sure to scour all of Roger’s Arena for him.

Photo cred- @nakunnamcuong

12. Walking in front of someone as they’re getting their photo taken at the Gastown Steam Clock.

Yes, there’s tourists everywhere, but have you seen how nice that clock is? Let them have their moment and wait the thirty seconds it takes for them to have their picture taken. Maybe even use that time to admire the clock, it’s probably been a while.

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