The 5 Vancouver Guys I Met Online
As awkward tweens, we imagined the young dating world to be a magical web of people you could meet in charming situations. Leaning in for the same book at a library or reaching for the last cookie in the cafeteria… you know the stuff. We have unfortunately been born into a generation where, with revolutions like Tinder, dating has morphed into the casual swipe.
The truth is, despite our pronounced hatred for the little flame app, we all vary between what I refer to as periods of ‘hardcore Tindering’ and periods of ‘tinder sobriety.’ It’s as if one day we will have full faith in this platform of “social discovery” as Tinder’s CEO Sean Rad likes to refer to it. The next, we’ll see it for the desperate dirty hook-up service that it sometimes truly is.
If you’re hesitant about meeting someone from an app in person, have funny experiences of your own, or just need to procrastinate, here are the five people I met online in Vancouver:
Photo cred- @jordelai
The Animating Engineer
A smart UBC grad who created quirky cartoons on the side, he was shorter than his pictures and shyer than his texts. I ordered a marshmallow-dream-cake and expectations were high. The results were much like the date: dry and overly sweet. Although the animating engineer was smart and very kind, we spent the majority of the time talking about his dead canary bird. After I politely declined an invitation to go to Granville Island on Valentines Day, the date came to an awkward close.
Photo cred- @shane_pinder_travel_stories
Surfer Small Townie
This dreamy guy’s hair swayed like the waves of Wreck Beach.We walked the entire sea wall while I spewed out a variety of political spiels. He answered back with an impressive amount of facts about salmon; the fish. While I talked about my adventures in South Africa, he asked me who Nelson Mendala was. Needless to say, we didn’t have a lot in common. As beautiful as he was, our minds were miles apart.
Photo cred- @tinder
The Spanish Stallion
The Spanish Stallion was a tall, foreign exchange student from Spain with a deep accent. The date kicked off with one of my go to questions in any awkward situation: "do you have any pets?" He had horses. HORSES… in SPAIN! The rest of the night followed with him exerting optimum European chivalry; letting me choose what we ate and offering to pay for a cab ride home instead of waiting in the rain for a bus. Although he was an amazing insight into a world of elegant courtesy, listening to Opera and watching art films was just not my thing.
Photo cred- @weheartit
The Stoner Musician
Two things I learned from the Stoner Musician: what a Charango is and some Vancity slang for weed. As you can tell… I’m highly inexperienced. The day started with him coming over to my apartment to play some music and to my amazement, take a few hits of his fancy bong. The biggest surprise was when he decided to come with my roommate and I to our vet appointment. A beautiful self-written song was played and we collectively learned that our fat cat Sugar needed to lose a few pounds.
Photo cred- @tinder
F*ck Boy Flame
To end my stream of online first dates is the perfect Tinder stereotype. With bright red hair like the iconic Tinder flame and a f*ck boy attitude, it was as if Tinder itself had morphed into a living and breathing boy. After a semi awkward coffee date and a few shenanigans, our night came to a close with a halfhearted promise of a second date. A few weeks later I spotted him on the street with his not so ex girlfriend, desperately avoiding eye contact. Boys...