If you're dating in Toronto right now, it can genuinely feel like the city is running the same rotation of men with slightly different haircuts on your Hinge.
After years of working your way through the single city girl summer, the situationship fall, the cuffing season winter, and back again — the texts sent from the King West condos are starting to get tired. Eventually, you realize that every guy falls into the same category.
And if I'm being honest (or trying to be my nicest self), I can admit that some of them can be endearing.
If these are the men you're looking to date, it looks like Toronto might be your city.
The retired hockey player
Unfortunately, we're not talking about an actual retired NHL player (if only).
We're talking about the guy who played AAA hockey (as most of them do, seeing as it's the Canadian pastime) throughout his childhood and somehow still talks about it like he just left practice.
He most likely still plays in a men's league twice a week, owns at least four Maple Leafs jerseys, and firmly believes he "could've gone pro" if it weren't for his devastating knee injury or something similar.
He watches every Leafs game religiously, but immediately switches sides when they lose.
He'll drive through any snowstorm to help you move a sofa and texts you "are you home?" after every date.
The true Canadian golden retriever.
The Joe Rogan-ist
You'll know immediately.
He either has a podcast, wants to start a podcast or has explained his future podcast concept to you within seven minutes of sitting down.
His Instagram bio probably says "high-value man," he listens to motivational clips while working out, and he somehow turns every conversation into "society nowadays."
He gives dating advice despite not having had a girlfriend since the pandemic.
And yet… he's strangely confident in a way that almost works? Like you leave the date thinking, "That was wild," but also, “He definitely believes in himself.”
Which, unfortunately, is attractive
The once-a-frat-guy-always-a-frat-guy
He's 29 now, and nothing has changed since his second year of university.
He lives with his roommates, which is completely normal in Toronto because rent costs as much as a small European castle, but his apartment still runs like a frat house.
There are labelled shelves in the fridge.
There are bananas on the counter with names written on them in permanent marker.
Someone owns a traffic cone for no reason.
He hasn't been home to visit his parents in three years because he’s "just been slammed lately."
Every date with this man will have you rolling on the floor laughing and, more importantly, have your group chat entertained, and somehow, they always have the best speaker setup you’ve ever heard.
The guy who only dates women under 25
This one raises some red flags.
His picture is posted in the "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook group. He uses the word "expired" to describe women. He only follows 19-year-old influencers and describes himself as "traditional," when he actually means "controlling."
He wants a girlfriend he can "teach" things to, which is always horrifying, no matter which way you slice it.
Toronto women over 25 see this man coming from a mile away.
The Italian guy from Vaughan
As a Vaughan girl myself, I say this with love – because this may or may not be my type.
He wears enough cologne to enter a room before he physically does, his hair has never moved once in his life, and there is a very real chance he owns a white BMW.
He’ll also bring you home for Sunday sugo after two dates.
His mother already has opinions about you before meeting you.
He calls everyone "bro," smokes the occasional cigarette and genuinely believes Woodbridge is the centre of the universe.
Honestly? The hospitality is unmatched. You will eat well, laugh a lot and leave with enough leftovers to survive the week.
#7. The underground artist
You'll find him at a listening lounge, a gallery opening or DJing an event with exactly 43 attendees.
By day, he works a corporate job in tech or marketing, but in his soul, he is an auteur.
He needs you to be passionate about something. Anything.
He dresses significantly better than you, owns rings, probably plays three instruments and somehow knows about restaurants before they open.
He may accidentally prioritize his art over you, but he'll also introduce you to the coolest parts of the city.
Dating him feels like getting a better personality.
The 30-year-old still going to King West
He met the love of his life (his last girlfriend) on King Street in 2019 when he was 23. They dated for six years, and he's finally ready to put himself back on the market.
One problem: he doesn't know how to.
Every weekend, he says he's "done with the club scene," and every Saturday at 11:48 p.m., he's back on King West in his white button-up.
He still talks about how much he misses Early Mercy's smoking pit and claims to know every promoter in the city.
He wants to settle down but exclusively hangs out in spots for underagers and can't figure out where all the single 30-year-olds are.
He knows every spot, gets you into every restaurant and knows some pretty stellar late-night food spots.
A professional Toronto socialite.
#8. The guy more into his Instagram than you are
His phone eats first.
He asks you to take candid photos of him "walking naturally," spends dinner editing Stories and refers to photo dumps as his "passion project."
He knows his angles better than most influencers.
He will absolutely post himself. He may never post to you.
But he also somehow always knows every viral spot in the city, takes you to the nicest hotel bars and knows how to take better pictures of you than your friends do.
Dating him is exhausting, but your camera roll will look incredible.
At this point, dating in Toronto is a bingo card of sorts: collect all the characters to win.
And while some of these men absolutely deserve some side-eye, most of them are just deeply Toronto in their own specific way.
Single girls of Toronto, we're all out here surviving the same dates. No experience is unique with these men. Ladies, stay strong.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
