I asked 12 Vancouver men what a good first date is and 7.5 of the answers are so worrying
You know how at the beginning of horror movies there's a disclaimer that says "based on true events"? This is that. If you're currently in the trenches and dating in Vancouver, consider this your trigger warning.
Recently, I asked 12 men what they think makes a good first date.
I should make an important clarification: this was not a scientific poll. I did not stop random people with a clipboard. These people are all friends, friends-of-friends, and extremely distant acquaintances, meaning, the sample size wasn't huge but the honesty level is… unfortunately quite high.
The goal was simple: figure out what men actually think a good first date looks like in Vancouver.
Here are the most common first-date philosophies I uncovered and what I deem approved or entirely concerning.
Concerning: the guy who just wants to date his friends...
One man described his ideal first date as "chilling at mine and then maybe going to The Tank."
When he tried it for real, "chilling at mine" meant his date visiting his house full of roommates, and all six of them were already drinking when she arrived.
They never made it to the CopperTank Grill, which was potentially a blessing in disguise.
This "date" was essentially a mixer. The girl quickly realized she wasn't into the original guy at all, but did end up vibing with one of his roommates.
In a roundabout way, I guess it's half a success story. But for anyone missing the point: a first date should never resemble a frat house orientation.
Approved: the guy who is a coffee realist...
One man said, "Call me crazy or boring, but coffee is the best first date. It's like a pre–first date. You meet for an hour or two during the day and if it goes well, you plan a real one."
I can get behind this line of thinking. Efficient. Low commitment. And it allows both parties to exit gracefully if the energy is off. Men who understand this are generally doing good work (as long as you buy your date's coffee).
Concerning: the guy who doesn't want to be on a date at all...
One man told me he took a first date to "Heroes Welcome and played pool all night long."
Cute? Wrong. By this he meant he spent most of the evening playing pool with random guys (yes, strangers), occasionally returning to the table where his date was sitting to chat and sip beer before the next game.
The worst part was, he said he liked the girl. He just liked playing pool more.
Approved: the guy who picnics...
One man told me his ideal date is a beach picnic: "sushi, a bottle of natural wine, and a blanket thick enough to make sure your bum doesn't get wet."
All his date had to do was simply meet him there. So long as you choose a not-muddy, not-buggy spot, I think this is a very sweet summer date. A little effort really does go a long way.
Concerning: the guy who takes you to a movie...
This is a terrible first date where you learn nothing about a person and just eat less popcorn than you normally would in lieu of not wanting to shove your hand in the shared bag too many times.
This was only made worse when the man told me he "took a recent Hinge date to see Wuthering Heights."
I'll set aside my personal grievances with that adaptation (the English major in me wants to die) to point out a more immediate issue: taking a first date to watch two gorgeous people passionately hook up on screen is a questionable strategic choice. If the goal is relaxed conversation afterward, forcing both parties to sit through intense eye contact for two hours is not kicking things off on the right foot.
Once you've been out on at least four or five proper dates, a movie night is an adorable thing to do on a rainy evening in your sweatpants. Before that? A cop out.
Concerning: the guy who took you to El Furniture Warehouse...
Almost enough said. He couldn't hear anything his date was saying because it "was so overwhelmingly loud".
Then he ordered a draft beer which was written on the menu as "draught." He pronounced it like "drought" as in a lack of water — "I'd like a drought beer." He knew this was misguided. We all miscalculate from time to time. Moving on.
Approved: the guy who does his research...
One man asked his date's best friend (this was a mutual-friend setup) what her favourite bar in the city was and made a reservation there.
"I picked her up, opened the car door when she came out, drove her home, and did the same at the end of the night."
I think most women would agree this is the ideal level of effort: thoughtful, simple, respectful — and not quite as serious as a full dinner date.
Concerning: the guy who's an outdoorsman...
Listen up men, far and wide. Attempting to take a woman into the woods the first time you meet them is SCARY. That whole man or bear debate exists for a reason.
A friend of a friend took his date on a "pretty intense bike-hike." For context, this particular friend group has a strange philosophy that anyone they date needs to share their exact hobbies — inclusive of the ability to survive in the woods for days on end.
Unfortunately, during this romantic wilderness adventure, a rock fell on his leg. His date had to run around the mountain seeking help from fellow hikers, then had drive him to the hospital.
I repeat, outdoorsy first dates are always a bad idea.
Almost approved — then concerning: The guy who takes you to pottery...
"A pottery class is cool because it gives you something to talk about if conversation stalls."
I agree. However, unfortunately for this man, the studio charged by the pound, and he somehow ended up spending over $300. Even more ambitious, he'd planned that they would come back together a month later to pick up their finished pottery.
Planning a second meetup before the first date has even wrapped up is a bold move. Sure enough, by the time the pieces were ready, the relationship had fizzled and he had to go pick them up alone. He later gifted the pottery to a different girl.
Romantic recycling.
Concerning: the guy who suggests Netflix and chill...
Unless you're looking for something extremely casual and that has been outwardly stated, do not, under any circumstance, suggest "Netflix and chill." Even as a joke (if it's a first date she probably doesn't know you or understand this medium sense of humour).
It is lazy, boring, disappointingly predictable, and a concept that came up in my polling multiple times (in jest, but still). If anyone suggests this with sincerity, beware!
Concerning: the guy who "super dates"...
This is hard and I almost didn't want to put it in. The last messaging I want to get across to young single men is to try less. Obviously, 99% of the time, women would be much happier if men tried way more.
However, the "super date"...the date where "I filled a gigantic cooler with all of her favourite food, sat in traffic driving her to Squamish (her favourite place), and talked about our dreams and futures for hours..."
Dial it back. I love the commitment, but maybe save it for later once you know each other a little more.
Approved: the guy who let's you plan the date...
This man's date had just moved to Vancouver and wasn't familiar with the area. He was at Pizza Coming Soon in Chinatown having dinner and drinks with his family (priorities) so casually brushed the date off until later in the evening.
He asked the date to meet him at The American (a sticky floored barcade spot — definitely not the first place you should take an out of towner to introduce the city). But it was close and convenient for him...
SPOILER: That man is me. And despite it all, I've been with that same date for nearly four years.
I guess all this to say, no matter if your first date is concerning or approved, the person you're meant to be with will probably stick around anyway.
Good luck out there, Vancouver!
The views expressed in this Opinion article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
This article's cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.
