All kids with bad pantries know the most important day of the year is Halloween, because that's the day that determines your candy supply until next October. I'd spend weeks rationing my haul, hiding the good stuff from my siblings and sneaking downstairs after my parents went to bed to watch Family Channel (channel 51 burned in my brain) with a mini chocolate bar that had no expiration date – which is actually more concerning.
Moving to the U.S. made me realize just how many iconic Canadian candies Americans are missing out on. From Mr. Big and Coffee Crisp to Fuzzy Peaches, Wine Gums, Swedish Berries and Big Turk, many of the chocolate bars and gummies I grew up eating are surprisingly hard — or impossible — to find south of the border.
I've found a few American stand-ins over the years, but most just aren't the same. These are the Canadian candies I constantly crave — and what I reluctantly buy instead.
Mr. Big
Mr. Big had a lot going against it — namely, the fact that it looks like a Toblerone that got chewed up and sh*t out. But don't judge a book by its nasty cover.
The anatomy of a Mr. Big is simple and yet sophisticated: 1) Vanilla-coated wafer 2) Crunchy peanuts 3) Rice Crisps. It's like a Kit Kat meets an Oh Henry! meets a Crunch Bar.
What I buy instead: Take 5
Fuzzy Peaches
When I think of Fuzzy Peaches, I think of the 6th-grade movie-theatre dates we'd go on with 40 people. Only two people were on a date. And by now, if you are a loyal reader of mine, you will know — that person was never me. I didn't come for the date. I came for the candy.
There were two factions of candies. The sweet candies (Fuzzy Peaches) and the sour candies (see #4). The fuzzy peach girls got A+'s and did dance. The sour candy girls got detention and were me.
What I buy instead: Haribo Peaches Gummi Candy
Big Turk
Ah yes, Canada's most polarizing candy bar. And if you think I'm exaggerating, there are several Reddit threads titled things like: r/AskACandian: Does anyone actually like Big Turk bars?
The answer is not conclusive.
What I buy instead: Charleston Chew
Sour Cherry Blasters
These were my sh*t. I loved sour everything. In fact, I only got into chocolate bars when my palate matured at age 15. In elementary school, I was all on my sour candy game. Including the individual mini Sour Keys at 7/11 that had been sitting out for so long that when you bit into it, it snapped in two.
What I buy instead: Cherries the fruit, because I'm an adult now with a credit score.
Crispy Crunch
Crispy Crunch relies on the oldest formula in the book: Chocolate and peanut butter.
And palm oil. And soy lechtin. And monoglycerides. And gasoline (kidding). It works every time.
What I buy instead: Butterfingers
Swedish Berries
If you're a Fuzzy Peach person, you're a Swedish Berries person. I don't make the rules. (Except I'm writing this article, so I actually do).
The Swedish Berries formula isn't actually top-secret. In fact, I'd argue it's widely available and is basically identical to Swedish Fish, BUT the formula isn't what stands out here. It's the berry shape they use.
Swedish Berries are one of the staple movie theatre candies, and it's popcorn but for people who don't want popcorn. Because it's candy. But you eat it the same way as you eat popcorn. Because it's shaped like popcorn, but it's candy. You get what I'm saying, right?
What I buy instead: Swedish Fish.
Wine Gums
10/10 candy. Exclusively found loose in Nonna's purse.
What I buy instead: A bottle of Pinot Noir and a pack of Trident.
Smarties
Truth time: I hate Smarties. But I know ya'll love them. So this one is for my fans. I'd say this is Canada's #1 most well-known candy that you can't get in the U.S.A. Even Americans know about Smarties.
What I buy instead: M&Ms
Glossettes
Glossettes are such a Dad candy. It's like Pistachio ice cream; I can't explain why, but it just is. As a kid, they grossed me out, but as an adult teenager, I've really come around to Glossettes.
More recently, I've been trying to eat healthier, so I've been dabbling in chocolate-covered raisins and working my way up to a naked raisin, and then, at some point, I hope this translates into a love of steamed asparagus.
What I buy instead: Raisinets
Eat-More
Growing up, I always thought these were protein bars. Turns out they're not. They're actually kind of the opposite. But still, I've categorized them as a health treat for when I want something sweet.
Pro Tip: Whenever I say I want a "sweet treat", don't you dare suggest fruit.
What I buy instead: Baby Ruth
Caramilk
As a kid, two great mysteries of the universe kept me up at night:
1) What was actually going on in the Bermuda Triangle? (Great Suite Life on Deck episode, IYKYK.)
2) How did they get the caramel inside the Caramilk bar?
To this day, I still don't know the answer to either one.
What I buy instead: Cadbury Caramello
Big Foot
Someone needs to start a Bigfoot-themed social media. I have a feeling you could get sponsored by CBC for bringing "uniquely Canadian stories" to the global forefront.
What I buy instead: Swedish Fish
Coffee Crisp
Writing about Coffee Crisps is my day job. How lucky am I? But as a Canadian girl living in the U.S.A., I don't have access to any Coffee Crisps, and it's really starting to annoy me.
It's 9 a.m., and I want one STAT. *B.R.B googling specialty candy importers now*.
What I buy instead: Kit Kat
Aero
I used to eat Aero bars in the dumbest way possible. I'd try to let the chocolate melt in my mouth as they did in the commercials, but I had absolutely zero self-control. I'd end up inhaling the whole mini bar in one bite while my friends somehow made theirs last half of recess, walking around with little pockets of melted chocolate in their cheeks like happy little chipmunks.
What I buy instead: Dove Milk Chocolate (closest texture)
Mackintosh's Toffee
The Mackintosh's Toffee packaging takes me back to my middle school days of Remembrance Day assemblies, with the sound of bagpipes echoing through the gymnasium. For that, we love it.
What I buy instead: Skor
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
