There's a bit of competition happening in North America right now, so I'm here to expose what Americans really think about us — or at least what the ones I've met seem very comfortable saying out loud.
"Do you say ah-boot?"
This is, no exaggeration, the first thing they say every time. Like, I cannot stress enough how it is Every. Single. Time.
It's either "ah-boot" or "eh" — choose your fighter.
I always say "no" with an eye roll. Because what? How did this cliché pick up so much steam? How could this possibly be the main takeaway from our country??
Oh, and then they go "say it".
Then I don't want to. Because I think there's a 50% chance they're right and I'm wrong. Sometimes I'm with a friend who takes it the extra mile and goes: "say house".
Then it's just a runaway train.
"Hockey."
That's it. That's the whole sentence.
I wait for there to be more, but there isn't. So then the convo is just:
"Hockey."
"For sure... Football."
"Vancouver" or "Toronto"
I know there are AT LEAST 10 other cities in Canada, but I'm sorry to say, I have never been asked if I am from Yellowknife.
2/50 times, MTL will get some love. 1/1000 New Brunswick gets a deep cut shout-out.
Also — as a born-and-raised Vancouver girl — I'm sorry, Torontonians, to be a little proud here but...Vancouver is the first city they think of when they think of Canada, at least 70% of the time 🤷. They always say how gorgeous we are.
They are right. We are Canada's hot older sister who does pilates. Toronto is the headstrong middle child who dresses cool. Yellowknife is the distant relative we only see at weddings and funerals.
"I love Canadians"
This is a real screenshot from a conversation I had with someone 3 days ago.
Sienna Palmeri | Narcity
This one is actually really cute, and happens ALL the time. Like... it literally happened to me three days ago over text (see photo above).
It's also such a matter-of-fact text, too. No punctuation. Just stating pure facts.
I think in the 10 years I've lived in the US, I've met two people who didn't really FW Canadians — and both times it's because they had a bad experience with one Canadian in particular. We should not have to go down with that ship.
"I've never been to Canada, but I've always wanted to go"
I know this is giving Canadian tourism propaganda, but I swear this is not a government-funded paid promotion.
If they have been to Canada, they will usually walk me through the entire trip they had. They'll tell me how beautiful the summer is, how incredible the outdoors are, how breathtaking the mountains are.
I will then politely pretend to be an ambassador for activities I have never personally done. The extent of my ski knowledge is "pizza", "french fry", and "shots at Longhorns".
Most tourists have achieved more in 24 hours than I did in 24 years of living in Canada. Good for them.
"Canadian girls are gorgeous"
Ok, yes, seeing this written out makes it sound a little creepy. But in real life, it (almost) never is because:
A) I'm always flattered, because I am, in fact, a Canadian girl. Blue passport and everything.
B) It is true. I'm not speaking about myself here (because ew). I'm talking about every single woman I know — and even the ones I don't. I feel like Canada is the Sweden of North America. Just models walking around everywhere.
C) Women also say it. Which, of course, means way more. As Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima famously once said: "It's flattering knowing men desire me. But then I remember a man would also have sex with a McChicken. So I don't let it get to my head".
Men's rights activists in the comments, relax.
"You're so lucky you have free health care"
I mean — yes.
This is the thing Americans say to me most reverently, and it doesn't take a brain surgeon to understand why.
While I know the Canadian health care system isn't some magical, socialist fairytale where you break your arm, float into a hospital, and skip back out for free, it's not not that. Comparatively speaking.
Not a perfect system. Wait times can be brutal. Psychiatrists are hard to get. And I understand why those who can afford it would rather pay more for faster care and better access.
But until recently, I think I had — while empathetic — a superficial understanding of the American health care system. Why? Because last month I had to go to the ER, and here's how it went:
I waited for more than eight hours. No one helped me. I didn't get any medications or prescriptions. Somehow, the insurance I'd been paying $300 a month for had a loophole where the hospital didn't even take it. So, I left in the same condition I had arrived.
Oh, except now I have an $800 bill.
So yes — Canada's health care system has issues. But having sampled the alternative, you know where I stand.
"Do you wanna get married?"
Always flattered. Always can see right through them.
Yes. A surprising number of Americans I've met seem at least half-interested in Canadian citizenship. Pimping out my Canadian citizenship is now my fallback plan if everything goes south for me career-wise.
"Your Prime Minister is dating an astronaut"
And that astronaut is Katy Perry.
Yes, if you somehow missed it, former PM Trudeau's midlife crisis has been full-on. Which would be totally fine if he'd fixed our dollar.
But, as we now know, the budget indeed did not balance itself.
Fun fact: Trudeau used to be the substitute drama teacher at MY high school. Yes, that one. With that yearbook. That mysteriously disappeared from the school library.
"51st state!"
Sometimes said jokingly. Sometimes said totally seriously.
There you have it. An extensive list of things that challenge the global narrative right now that Americans hate us.
Quite the opposite.
They're literally obsessed.
They can be the 11th province 😉.
(^I'm kidding. If Homeland Security is reading this, that was a joke!).
The views expressed in this Opinion article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
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