6 things you should never say to a Tim Hortons barista, according to someone who worked there
The views expressed in this Opinion article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
I was a Tim Hortons barista during my senior year of high school. It was my first job, where I learned the ropes of the working world and cut my teeth. Naturally, I hated it.
I should preface this by saying I have nothing against the coffee chain as an omnipresent force. A double-double is swimming through my veins as I write this — I don't mind the brand. I just couldn't handle its customers.
Every time I walked into the Tim Hortons near me expecting to spend the day wiping down tables and pouring coffee, I'd find myself answering a barrage of confounding questions from strangers who, because I worked there, thought I had the answer. It was a lousy experience that made a lasting impression on me. So, I've decided to use this article to help the latest generation of team members avoid being subjected to the inquiries that shaved minutes off my life.
Below is a list of baffling things that too many people asked me during my time as a Tim Hortons coffee slinger. My hope is that if you read them, you will understand and avoid asking them.
Can you make the coffee extra hot?
What do you mean, extra hot? It's already boiling; the pot lives on a burner. If it gets any hotter, you'll be sucking caffeinated vapour.
A lady used to ask me this every single shift without fail; when I finally stopped pretending to fulfill her requests and confronted her about what she meant, she told me, "It's not that complicated," so I poured her a coffee from the same pot I used for everyone else, and she left.
Word to the wise: Tim Hortons coffee is regulated to be served within a specific temperature threshold, 155°F to 175°F, to prevent immediate burns. So, asking your barista to overheat your drink is, in fact, against fundamental safety.
Why is the Wi-Fi so slow?
I understand the frustration of settling into a coffee shop to grab a quick bite and get some work done, only to realize that their Wi-Fi is garbage. I don't get why people ask their baristas if they know why the magical thing floating in the air that none of us fully understand is working.
Why? They don't know. No one's getting paid minimum wage to diagnose problems like that.
I got this all the time working at Tim Hortons; every time I would say "no idea," occasionally they'd ask me to get my manager, who would promptly turn the router on and off, and when that didn't work, we just apologized and moved on. Please save this question for your internet provider.
I need a dozen Tim Hortons donuts, but can you make sure they're all fresh?
Okay. We all want things fresh, but by the time you're in your 30s, you should know that things get baked in batches on a schedule. Asking for a fresh batch of Tim Hortons donuts just for you is grossly entitled.
When I worked there, I got this request a lot, which bugged me to no end. Here's the subtext: "Please make mine fresh to order for no extra charge because I like that."
That's not how the world works. If you want fresh donuts, find out when the bakers make them and come at that time. Even then, there's no guarantee, but at least you'll have increased your chances instead of asking a lame question.
Can I speak to your manager about how slow the service is?
A customer once hit me with this doozy in the thick of a morning rush. The drive-thru was slammed, and they pulled up, livid about the wait time for their order. They demanded that I stop taking orders and get my manager so they could "speak to them about how slow things are moving."
I don't know which is worse — his logic at that moment or the fact that I actually did what he asked me and got my boss, who promptly scolded me for abandoning the drive-thru. It was one of those awesome moments where nobody got what they wanted, and everyone felt bad afterwards.
I'd advise anyone stuck in a line to let go of that frustration rather than dumping it on their barista and slowing things down even more.
Why don't you have this seasonal item anymore?
For every dollar Tim Hortons spends advertising that its latest menu item is seasonal, someone asks a barista why it's no longer available. I say we break this endless cycle by collectively agreeing to read the fine print. It's a pipe dream, but you can't deny it saves a lot of wait time.
Half the time, I would just look behind me and read verbatim what it said on the board. There's no corporate newsletter for part-time Tim Hortons baristas; that's an email question, not an any-person-in-a-beige-uniform one.
Can you break a $100?
Empty my whole till of bills, so I have to give everyone else chump change because this is your bank now? Sure thing. Let's do it.
I can't tell you how many lines came to a grinding halt during my time at Tim Hortons because someone wanted to pay for their $2 coffee order with a $100 bill. If it wasn't me, it was some other drained barista walking over to our manager to get the keys that unlock the vault where all the $20s are to save someone a trip to RBC.
It's an annoying thing to do; there's no way around it, and no one wants to be annoying, so don't do it.
We all benefit from relating to others' experiences. I hope my preemptive answers to these avoidable questions will help you have more empathy the next time you're stuck in line for a double-double or foaming at the mouth over a stale Timbit.
If you see yourself on the list, don't feel bad; we're all guilty of thinking before we speak. Just try to do it less while you're getting coffee.
