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Happy "Hump Day" and first day of February — Andrew from Narcity here. ☕

Off The Top: A company called Sleep Junkie is on the lookout to hire five "dairy dreamers" to test out the long-held hypothesis that eating cheese before bed impacts the quality of sleep and perhaps even increases the likelihood of having nightmares. Candidates who successfully complete the work will receive $1,000 — or roughly enough dough to put together a solid charcuterie board given today's grocery prices.

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Good morning and TGIF — Andrew from Narcity here. ☕

Off The Top: Two men from Florida were filmed having a physical altercation in Utah while trapped on an ascending chairlift headed up a ski hill. On one hand, this seems like a classic turf war between two Floridians vying for alpha Florida Man status. But the real moral of the story? Never ski.

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Good morning — Andrew from Narcity here. A big thank you to all my colleagues who filled in over the holidays. ☕

Off The Top: You may have missed it in the end-of-year shuffle but adult-sized polyp Andrew Tate was arrested in Romania on human trafficking and rape charges. The twist? The location of the former MMA fighter turned misogynist influencer was apparently discovered in part because he posted a video clip taunting climate activist Greta Thunberg by saying he wouldn't recycle his pizza boxes — boxes that featured the phone number of a local Romanian restaurant. The moral of the story? Always recycle.

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Happy "Friday Jr." and first day of the final month of 2022 — Andrew from Narcity here. ☕

Off The Top: French scientists say they have successfully revived a so-called "zombie" virus that had been safely frozen in Siberian permafrost for about 48,500 years. But have no fear! The revival effort is apparently just a practice run to prepare for the event that climate change could unearth thousands of other long-dormant viruses, according to one scientist at a remote research base who is becoming increasingly agitated while quite obviously hiding the gash on his arm from his colleagues.

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Good morning — Andrew from Narcity here. ☕

Off The Top: A Florida man stole a women's wallet in Tampa over the weekend, then attempted to evade a police chopper by swimming out into the ocean — perhaps the greatest indication of the hazards of letting your kids play Grand Theft Auto.

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