Moving to Vancouver sounds dreamy, until you realize you've only made friends with Australians, your rent is $3,000, and you're still Googling “fun things to do in Kitsilano" a year in.
Don't worry though, I've lived here most of my life, and am here to make sure you don't blow your budget or your personality trying to fit in.
If you've just moved to the city get out a pen and make notes, because here's the biggest mistakes I see you newbies making.
Moving here for "nature" and only going to the Grouse Grind (or worse, Whistler)
If you moved here for the nature but only hit the Grouse Grind or Whistler, I get it — those are the obvious choices. The reality is, though, that they're also the busiest, most expensive, and (let's be honest) not exactly relaxing spots.
So many stunning, low-key trails won't leave you gasping or broke. I rounded up a few of my favourite easy hikes near Vancouver that you should try instead.
Only hanging out with other transplants
The friends thing. I know. I'm ripping the bandaid off.
People love to roast Vancouver for three reasons: it rains, it's expensive, and it's hard to make friends. These things are all true — but only sort of.
Yes, it rains, but that's what makes it so green. Yes, it is expensive, but we didn't even crack Forbes "20 Most Expensive Cities For Expats" list last year! And yes, just like in any new city, making friends is hard, but making the right friends doesn't have to be.
I've moved around a bunch in my life, and if there's one trick I've picked up, it's this: find the people who are from the city you moved to and befriend them, because they're always friendlier. (Case in point: me, of course?!?)
I hear newcomers complain a lot about how hard it is to make friends, but funny enough, I have also heard my long-time, born-and-raised besties complain about how hard it is to meet new friends!
Yes, believe it or not, while we may seem totally bitter, b**chy, and unmoved — us Vancouverites are only friends with people from high school, resentfully!
I know "transplant" is a loaded word. Everyone wants to feel like they have the inside track when it comes to the city they live in, but my two cents? The people who try the hardest to fit in are always the most conscious of who to be "associated" with. Those are — sorry, not sorry — the people who suck the most.
Avoid the people who are always looking over your shoulder for someone better to talk to because, honestly, if you're asking me, that is the least cool thing ever.
You want friends who you have that initial spark with and are comfortable in their skin. And your best bet when it comes to that is befriending a local (only the cool ones though).
Getting an apartment before moving here
A very Vancouver horror story is when I met an Australian couple who told me how they ended up living in a, let's just say, less-than-ideal neighbourhood. They had seen a listing on Craiglist before they moved here and put a deposit down, sight unseen. They did their due diligence of course. They checked out the walking score (97/100), and it was a decent price. Too good to be true?! Yes.
While they didn't get scammed out of their money they definitely didn't know the full picture of the neighbourhood. Long story short, you want to be able to see the area you're living in before getting locked into a year long lease.
Even more, in Vancouver, your neighbourhood is your identity. With about 22 to choose from (and we're not even counting West Van, North Van, Burnaby, or Richmond), picking the right one is kind of a big deal.
So, if you're moving to Vancouver, here's what you need to know about neighbourhoods before committing to a lease or a personality.
Pro Tip: When you do look for housing, always look on Craiglist. You'd think with all our technological advances in modern society we'd have a less sinister platform to turn to, but alas, no. If you're really down bad, FB Marketplace can have some choices, but can be a little pricer than our old tried and true.
Only eating at places that went viral on TikTok
While I am absolutely obsessed with Mello Donuts as much as the next guy in line, there is something to be said about being able to go to a hole-in-the-wall place and pay $10.25 for a flat of donuts and a bucket of fried chicken that bangs.
Vancouver is a pretty low-key city when it comes to the foodie scene. Before you get mad, we're not New York guys. Sorry. Savio Volpe is good but it's not wait 3 hours for a table good. (If you're reading this, I love you and your wood-panelled walls, Savio. I just need you to stop turning tables over so fast; it stresses me out!)
So next time you're craving Pho, instead of trekking to Anh and Chi (bless), just go to the nearest one near you in your neighbourhood. I promise you, it's just as good. And if you don't know where to turn, don't worry. I've compiled a list of the most overrated restaurants and where to go instead, to get you started.
Wearing actual outfits
When it comes to Vancouver fashion (or lack thereof), for the last 2 decades, I fought the war, and lost. With the exception of maybe three people I know — shout out to the eternally chic and effortlessly cool team at Boboli —Vancouver fashion is bad.
Yes, even the SSENSE influencers who think they're slaying — honestly, especially you. Take off your Mejuri earrings and unslick those buns. I have no patience for your glazed donut nails or your teeny tiny Charli XCX sunnies. Just because you have an oversized coat with strong shoulders does not make you fashionable, babe!
I have come to accept that when it comes to clothes, it's either Lululemon or Aritiza — but hey, at least we shop local!
Thinking a "drinking city" is the same thing as being a "party city"
When people say Canada is beautiful, they mean Vancouver. When they say it's cool, they mean Montreal. ("Fun"? That's Toronto, obviously.)
Vancouver isn't a party city — it's a drinking city.
Whether it's craft beer or craft cocktails, it's a sit-down-and-have-a-drink kinda vibe. We don't dance on tables — unless it's Loula's on a weekend — we sip natural wine in converted garages (La Fabrique, I see you) and talk about how we're "taking a break from weed to be more present."
Or, just get absolutely smashed with our boys at The Warehouse or Two Parrots for under $10.
Forgetting that Vancouver is boring as hell — and that's the point
If you don't get this one right away, don't beat yourself up about it. It took me two decades, three boarding school applications, and one very long and disappointing wait for Aslan in my parents' wardrobe to come to terms with this.
Vancouver is always said to be "a great place to raise kids" because it's a pretty safe, suburban city with not a lot going on.
We definitely try, don't get me wrong — and you can absolutely have a weird weekly hobby or find underground punk shows to spice up the mundane — but for the most part, it's boring. The world can be so loud and chaotic though, it's okay to just wear sweats and walk the seawall with your Small Victory in peace.
The views expressed in this Opinion article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
