I'm not going to lie to you — I'm not a nude beach b*tch. I'm barely even a naked-in-the-locker-room b*tch. I don't need to see all that.
However, as a born-and-raised Vancouverite, visiting Wreck Beach feels like a rite of passage. The famous stretch of sand near UBC is not only Vancouver's most iconic clothing-optional beach, but it's also Canada's largest nude beach.
So, despite my reservations — and my overwhelming preference for keeping my clothes on in public — I decided it was finally time to see what all the fuss was about.
From the infamous stairs and the impossible parking to the strict no-phone rule and surprisingly respectful atmosphere, here are nine things that stood out to me during my first trip to Wreck Beach.
You WILL be offered mushrooms
If you've never been to Wreck Beach before, then know this — someone will offer you some down there. Maybe even for free.
Within minutes of setting up my towel, I watched vendors stroll up and down the beach selling everything from cold drinks and snacks to, well, more mind-altering products.
The hippy energy at Wreck Beach is honestly one of my favourite things about it. There's something undeniably charming about spending the afternoon in the sand with my friends, pretending to read a book, while entrepreneurs who take e-transfer wander past me.
It's part beach, part FB marketplace, and part time capsule from 1973.
You will see more seniors than influencers
I'll admit it: I had a very specific image of a nude beach in my head before I went. I imagined bronzed twenty-somethings, impossibly attractive Europeans, and at least three people filming a "day-in-my-life" TikTok.
Instead, the average age skewed much closer to "eligible for a seniors discount at White Spot."
And honestly? I loved it. Wreck Beach has been around for decades, and it shows. The people who frequent it don't seem interested in impressing anyone. They're there to swim, read, walk their dogs, catch some sun and enjoy the beach exactly as nature intended.
Let's just say, if you're hoping to meet the cast of Love Island, you might leave disappointed. If you're looking for proof that body confidence gets better with age, you'll find plenty of it here.
The no-photo rule is serious
The quickest way to make enemies at Wreck Beach is to pull out your phone and start snapping photos. Even selfies. Even the ones you think are sneaky. They're not. We see you.
Rule of thumb: if you wouldn't do it in a locker room, don't do it here.
Most people are there to relax without worrying about ending up in a stranger's Instagram "photo dump". Before I went, I assumed the rule was mostly about not taking pictures of other people. What I didn't realize was just how seriously everyone takes it.
Even if you're trying to get a cute beach selfie, people are understandably cautious. When everyone's naked, no one wants to see your iPhone raised in the air.
The good thing is — no phones means Wreck Beach is one of the few places people are actually present. For a beach full of naked people, it's surprisingly private.
It's not a crime to wear a swimsuit
Hell, you can even wear your Canada Goose. No rule says you have to strip down to your birthday suit, or even that you need to wear a swimsuit at all.
My pro tip is — if you're curious about Wreck but feel super uncomfortable about being nude in front of people you don't know (fair), just wear your swimsuit under your clothes. And if after an hour you warm up to the vibe, you can slowly strip poker your way to your birthday suit.
No need to dive in headfirst. Floaties are welcome.
Parking is a b*tch
If you're meeting your friend at noon, don't get there at 11:50 a.m. thinking you're gonna snag a parking spot.
Wreck is by UBC, which means parking can already be a nightmare. Add a sunny Saturday afternoon into the mix, and you're basically entering the Hunger Games.
You'll circle the lot. Then you'll circle it again. Then you'll start considering parking in another postal code.
By the time you finally find a spot, you'll still have the stairs ahead of you. The good news? Once you make it down to the beach, you'll forget all about it. The bad news? You'll remember exactly where you parked when it's time to climb back up.
The stairs are as bad as people say they are
Unless you're someone who enjoys the Grouse Grind or whose favourite subject was P.E., you will agree with me that the Wreck Beach stairs aren't fun. Especially in sandy, wet flip-flops on the way back up.
Is it worth it? Yes. But is it a pain in the butt? Also yes.
It's one of the few places people are actually respectful of your space
Vancouver has gotten wildly crowded over the last decade. When I was a kid, getting from Kerrisdale to Downtown was 20 minutes, max. No bumper-to-bumper traffic on South Granville. No endless lineups. No feeling like the city was bursting at the seams.
These days, it sometimes feels like everyone is on top of each other. Sidewalks are packed, beaches are packed, and somehow there's always someone standing six inches behind you in line at Nemesis coffee.
Which is why one of the strangest things about Wreck Beach was how much personal space everyone seemed to give each other.
I was pleasantly surprised at how aware everyone was of each other's boundaries. Oddly enough, one of the most respectful public spaces I've been to in Vancouver was also the one with the fewest clothes.
It feels totally safe
Wreck Beach is pretty populated, which at first may seem like a negative, but it's actually a positive. Being naked in front of a bunch of strangers isn't exactly the chillest thing in the world. And you'd think the more people that are there, the more eyes that are on you. But this couldn't be further from the truth. For me, it felt like the number of people around
a) desensitized everyone to the nudity.
b) made me feel way safer.
Wreck Beach has a good community with good vibes. And even while no one is looking at you, it feels like they're looking out for you.
On the off chance someone was making you uncomfortable? There are plenty of people around who'll stand up for you and have your backside.
It's the nicest beach in Vancouver
Let's address the naked elephant in the room: Wreck Beach is actually one of the nicest beaches in Vancouver.
I know. I didn't expect my biggest takeaway to be, "Wow, this place is beautiful." But, here we are!
The beach stretches on for what feels like forever, the views are incredible, and because it's tucked below the cliffs near UBC, it feels surprisingly secluded despite being in a major city.
There's something about making the trek down all those stairs that makes it feel like you've discovered a local secret. Even though hundreds of other people had the same idea.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
Sign at Hanlan's Point Beach.