What are they so busy doing during those grim winter months, you wonder? As a born-and-raised Vancouverite, I can speak on their behalf: trying to survive.
Below are the things you'll only understand if you've actually pushed through a Vancouver winter — not the curated, golden-hour June version of the city — the real, soggy, slightly feral, character-building one.
Slipping on leaves
In other cities, people slip on ice. Embarassing. Predictable. Logical. In Vancouver? It's the leaves that take you out.
Once October hits, our streets get blanketed with bright, crunchy foliage (really pretty, very Nora Ephron for about three days). However, after the first rainfall, these leaves turn into slick, clumped, brown death pancakes.
You're walking. Maybe even vibing. You're holding your $14 matcha latte from cowdog. Then suddenly… boom. You're horizontal and your dignity is evaporating faster than the rainfall (which, to be clear, never actually evaporates).
Every Vancouverite has a "I slipped on leaves on 4th avenue" story. And if you don't, don't worry, your time is coming.
Clubbing in the rain
I'd like to start by saying that this point is addressed to the 25-and-under crowd. If you're going to The Roxy unironically past that age… therapy is an option.
I also say the word "clubbing" loosely when talking about Vancouver — we don't have a booming nightlife. However, if you're young and ready to hit the dance floor in the wintertime, here's what you need to know:
- A blowout isn't worth it. You'll walk two blocks in horizontal rain and all your hard work will go to waste.
- I don't know if Gen Z has evolved past this, but when I was in my early 20s there was an unspoken rule about not wearing a coat. Maybe it was the $3 coat check. Maybe it was pride. Probably we were just stupid. At the risk of sounding exactly like my mother — please wear a coat. The cold and wet really do get in your bones this time of year. If your reputation can't handle that, at least bring an umbrella.
- Wear waterproof mascara. Trust me.
All this to say, get out there young-ins. Clubbing in the rain builds resilience.
The "February crash out"
Every Vancouverite who has lived through a winter has, at some point, experienced their February-Dark-Night-Of-The-Soul-Crash-Out™. It's not pretty, it's not fun, and it's best if your significant other leaves you alone during this time.
Symptoms include:
- Googling flights to Hawaii.
- Realizing you can't afford Hawaii, then googling flights to Mexico.
- Pretending you can find peace and happiness by meditating every morning instead. You realize you can't.
- Rage-eating cinnamon buns and various other carbs.
- Crying because you saw a photo of summer from last year.
- Texting your sister a photo saying "Miss this. We looked so pretty."
- She responds and says "Because we were tan."
- Texting your friends to say "If it rains one more day, I'm moving to Calgary."
You won't move to Calgary. This breakdown doesn't completely make you lose your mind — only partly. But you will dramatically threaten to.
Your skin tone loses all connection to the human spectrum
This is the one no one warns you about.
Move to Vancouver in the winter and watch your melanin pack its bags and leave. You will become pale in a way that is not aesthetic, not editorial and not Bella Swan in Twilight. It's more like "foundation shades do not go this light and I can see every one of my pores in the grey-light-of-day."
Every Vancouverite has asked themselves at least once:
- "Is my concealer too dark now?"
- "Should I get another SAD lamp?"
- "Am I just ugly?"
People will try to sell you self-tanner. You might buy it. You might not. But either way, you'll have to accept your newfound winter aesthetic — Victorian ghost child.
Dating becomes (if you can believe it) even harder
Dating in Vancouver is already a labyrinth of cryptic texts, situationships, and 37-year-old men who "aren't ready for anything serious" because they're "working on themselves" by doing a "breathwork course" (yes, this is a real person).
Now add winter. Suddenly, no one wants to leave their apartment. You'll work up the courage to message your Hinge match: "Drinks?" only for them to reply "sorry I have a cold," and you'll be relived. Because you didn't want to go out in this rain anyway, and you know a typical winter date involves:
- Pho
- A damp brewery
- Sitting in wet jeans
- At least one person wearing a toque indoors
No one is hot in Vancouver between November and March. We're all vitamin-D-deficient and just doing our best.
Instead, I recommend hunkering down, making a cup of tea, and rewatching all the Harry Potter movies. Love doesn't stand a chance until spring.
The rain ruins your personality
Everyone drones on about how cold the East Coast is. "We're braver! We're tougher!" Sure. Congratulations. Everyone loves a martyr. However, when it's cold and sunny, you can still:
- Go for a walk
- Window shop
- Go on a date
- Remember joy
But Vancouver rain during the winter? It's a dark wetness that soaks into your soul. It's sideways. It's diagonal. It's misty. It's sheets. It's spitting. It's targeted.
Did you know that there are weeks — literal weeks — where we do not see the sun? Vancouver averages just 60 hours of sunshine in all of January, which is basically, I imagine, the same emotional experience as living inside your back-of-cabinet Tupperware.
You can't do anything. Your hobbies will become:
- Baking bread
- Hot yoga
- Cold plunging
- Trying to read
- Reading is hard. Rewatching every season of Love Island.
Your personality will defrost around May.
The streets start screaming
This sounds like a horror movie, and honestly, it kind of is. Picture this: it's pouring rain, it's dark at 4:30 p.m., visibility is awful. Brave (yet slightly delusional) cyclists with tiny, dim lights zoom in front of cars.
Cue: screaming, slamming brakes, a driver honking as their soul leaves their body, someone yelling "BRO *EXPLETIVE*! WHAT THE *EXPLETIVE* ARE YOU DOING?!" into the void.
Nobody's actually mad. Everyone's just overstimulated, wet, and trying their best. My recommendation? Avoid rush hour from November to February unless you're emotionally stable. (And if you live in Vancouver in winter, you definitely aren't).
And yet… every single year, we stay. Because when summer hits? When the seawall dries? When English Bay turns all gold-yellow-pink at 9 p.m.? We forget all of it. We fall back in love.
And then, October hits, and the cycle begins again. Rinse, sun, gloom, February crash out, repeat.
Godspeed, Vancouver.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
