Elliot Page Got Real About Feeling Like An 'Abomination' & Being Threatened By Another Celeb
Elliot Page's memoir Pageboy is finally out and the Canadian actor has shared some intimate details of his life.
Page, who rose to fame in the film Juno and who currently stars in the Netflix hit The Umbrella Academy, revealed some of the more uncomfortable moments they had while navigating gender dysphoria before eventually finding joy in their trans identity and body.
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"Imagine the most uncomfortable, mortifying thing you could wear," he wrote, as per The New York Times. "You squirm in your skin. It’s tight, you want to peel it from your body, tear it off, but you can’t. Day in and day out.
"And if people are to learn what is underneath, who you are without all that pain, the shame would come flooding out, too much to hold," they continued. "The voice was right, you deserve the humiliation. You are an abomination. You are too emotional. You are not real."
According to the American Psychiatric Association, gender dysphoria manifests as "psychological distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity."
It seems that Page is in a better position now as he recently shared a shirtless selfie on Instagram where he got real about the discomfort he used to experience in the summer.
"No layers, just a T-shirt — or layers and oh so sweaty — constantly looking down, readjusting my oversized T," they captioned their post.
"It feels so f’ing good soaking in the sun now, I never thought I could experience this, the joy I feel in my body. I am so grateful for what gender affirming care has allowed me, and I look forward to sharing more of my journey soon," he wrote, along with the hashtag #transjoy.
Excerpts published by People ahead of the book's June 6 release date revealed shocking moments, including an unnamed A-list celebrity who allegedly threatened Page after he came out as gay in 2014.
The actor apparently told Page that he wasn't gay and that he was "just afraid of men."
The unknown celeb then issued a troubling threat.
"I’m going to f*ck you to make you realize you aren’t gay," he allegedly said.
A few days later, the actor told Page that he didn't have "a problem with gay people."
"I've had some version of that happen many times throughout my life," Page said in his book. "A lot of queer and trans people deal with it incessantly. These moments that we often like don't talk about or we're supposed to just brush off, when actually it's very awful.
"I put that story in the book because it’s about highlighting the reality, the sh*t we deal with and what gets sent to us constantly, particularly in environments that are predominantly cis and heterosexual," he continued. "How we navigate that world where you either have more extreme, overt moments like that. Or you have the more, like, subtle jokes."
He also shared with the publication how he now finds joy.
"It catches me by surprise sometimes," Page said of the feeling. "A friend will simply take a photo and then I get a glimpse, and it just sends this electric thrill through my body, this sort of spark.
"Because it’s funny — it’s seeing something new, but also not," they explained. "I realize I look different to people now who’ve known me from before, but I’m thinking, 'Oh my gosh, there’s that person I’ve seen but never thought I’d actually get to see.'"
After coming out as trans in an open letter he posted on social media in 2020, Page shared how The Umbrella Academy incorporated his transition into the show's storyline in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter.
"I felt so supported by everyone," Page said about the show introducing his character Viktor Hargreaves. "We were shooting right after I disclosed that I’m trans, in total isolation.
"That was definitely an overwhelming period, but I feel so lucky that I was going to work and getting to be with so many supportive people. [...] And in any moment that I did express fear and anxiety, I felt listened to and cared for."
The showrunner for the Netflix show, Steve Blackman, disclosed that he purposefully made things a little awkward between Viktor and his sibling Luther out of a place of love.
In one scene, Luther hesitantly asks his other siblings if they should throw a party for Viktor to show that he's welcome.
"I think that was, for me, a scene that was important to show that not everyone understands what it is," Blackman told The Hollywood Reporter. "So I wanted at least one of the family to ask a few of those questions. 'What are we supposed to do? What’s the next step?'"
Back in December, Page shared just what being able to write this book meant to him.
"Trans people are facing increasing attacks, from physical violence to the banning of healthcare, and our humanity is regularly 'debated' in the media," they captioned their post along with a peek at the cover of the book.
"The act of writing, reading, and sharing the multitude of our experiences is an important step in standing up to those who wish to silence and harm us," Page shared.
"Books have helped me, saved me even, so I hope this can help someone feel less alone, feel seen, no matter who they are or what path they are on."
Now that the book has been published, he shared further thoughts on the process and his gratitude.
"We are all pressured to become a narrow version of ourselves, encouraged to fit rather than blossom. I never thought I’d have the strength to write my story," he wrote on Instagram.
"I hope that by sharing my journey it can help demonstrate that we all — queer, trans and anyone who supports the basic human dignity to live authentically - will not be silenced," Page continued.
"I am so grateful for all the support I've received along the way. With love and much respect for those who came before and made this possible."
Pageboy is out now.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or mental health concerns, please reach out to a trusted peer, parent or health care professional. You can also contact the Crisis Services Canada helpline, which is available 24 hours a day, or consult these additional resources. If you need immediate assistance, please call 911 or go to your nearest hospital. Support is available.
This article's cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.
