Well, as an intense movie hound, I have a few opinions about what snacks are best to get when you go to watch a movie. Because, as you probably know, all snacks are not created equal.
Not only am I a lifelong movie fan, but I'm also a former movie theatre employee, so you know my expertise is wide and deep.
Of course, as you probably know Cineplex theatres are getting more and more creative with what they serve, with some places offering full meals and the VIP options allowing for alcoholic drinks.
But for the purposes of this rundown, I will be looking only at snacks and treats that are available at your run-of-the-mill Cineplex.
So, to prepare you for your Barbie-Oppenheimer double feature, here is the definitive ranking, from worst to best, of food you can get at your average Cineplex.
What to avoid:
Hot food
Call me a purist, an elitist or a snob, but personally, I hate having a hot dog or nachos at the movie theatre.
For this, I'm lumping together hot dogs, nachos and anything else you get hot at Cineplex because I have equal scorn for all of them.
They're almost never worth the amount of money they cost. For example, if you get the Nachos Grande, you're paying nearly $10 for some corn ships, processed cheese sauce and a lacklustre red salsa.
And don't even get me started on the quality of the hot dogs and other items, and this is coming from a hot dog lover!
Another reason I don't like these things is they can honestly smell up the place. I never find it appetizing to be sitting next to someone munching down on the hot food from Cineplex.
Plus, with all the dipping, hand wiping and more, you'll be forced to take your eyes off the screen and that just seems counterintuitive.
Score: 1/5
Chocolate
Within this category, I put everything from bags of chocolate-based candy like M&Ms to chocolate bars such as Kit Kats, Coffee Crisp and more.
And you might be thinking "What! How could these be so low on the ranking" and it's because it's really possible to have too much of a good thing.
Personally, I think every time I have chocolate in the theatre, I'm eating it far too quickly and I'm eating WAY too much. And while that is likely mostly a me problem, it's hard to deny that this doesn't really happen with any other of the treats on this list.
I just think chocolate is too heavy of a treat for the movie theatre experience. It also can very quickly lead to an intense sugar crash and if you're watching a three-hour-long movie like Oppenheimer you REALLY don't need that happening.
That being said, having a little chocolatey sweet treat can be a lot of fun, but maybe not a giant bag of Skor Bites.
Score: 2.5/5
What you need:
Popcorn
I'll pause for the gasp......
Yes, popcorn does not make the top of my movie snack list. Maybe because during my time as a movie theatre employee, I would eat mountains and mountains of free popcorn and I've been spoiled on it, but popcorn is not my favourite movie snack.
Don't get me wrong, I do love it and there is something really really satisfying about crunching into a handful of popcorn right as a movie starts.
But, popcorn is the quintessential example of diminishing returns. That first bite of popcorn is so amazing, followed by the second which is maybe close to it, and then the enjoyment of the snack immediately drops off.
Halfway through the movie, your tongue is burning from the salt and, for some reason, you're still reaching in and grabbing more morsels to eat, chasing the dragon of those first few bites.
And let's not even get started on the price because it's basically a fact of life that popcorn is way too expensive.
That all being said, popcorn is pretty undeniable. Few things hit as well as warm, perfectly salted popcorn with butter on it. I would be lying to you if I said that, despite everything, I didn't love it.
Score: 3.5/5
Non-Chocolate Candy
And now for the undisputed king of movie theatre snacks, according to me.
This somewhat invented category of "Non-Chocolate Candy" includes everything from Swedish Berries to Twizzlers to anything else that's a little bit gummy and a lot bit yummy.
Since I was a kid, I've always loved parking myself in a crowded theatre and sucking back all manner of candy from Skittles to Nibs to Twizzlers.
For whatever reason, these treats don't give you the same sugar crash that chocolates do and they often have some of the biggest variety in kinds you can get.
Of course, the biggest downside is that the bags are among the loudest and if you're not careful there's a good chance you'll be a distraction to your neighbours. But, to me, it's all worth it.
And I find with these types of candy, it's not as easy to get sick from them so you can munch your way through a whole two-hour-long movie and not feel like death at the end.
And of course, like all of these, the candy you get at the movie theatre is excessively expensive, but it's all worth it to enjoy those little treats in the darkness.
Call me Bow Wow Wow because "I Want Candy!"
Score: 5/5
So, there lies my definitive ranking of the best movie theatre snacks that you can get at Cineplexes across Canada.
I know my takes might be controversial, but I stand by them wholeheartedly. Of course, this is also just my opinion and my own personal tastes, so if you disagree, that's fine with me!
As long as we're all enjoying the movies we love in the ways that we love, it's all good .
Happy Barbenheimer Canada!
