Canada is big – but also, not really. This country is one giant high school cafeteria, and no matter what city you're in, the same personalities show up again and again.
From the girl whose entire wardrobe is Aritzia to the chick whose parents met at the NDP rally and will never stop reminding you that "we do not vote for ourselves", these Canadian girl personality types are everywhere.
It's you. It's your best friend. It's your favourite enemy.
The ice princess trio
The cool girls in high school. They would call each other before a party to see what everyone was wearing — and then match.
Black body suit, blue jeans, and black booties were their signature look.
After college, they all moved back home, and are all in relationships with men they resent. Their resting b**ch face is actually extremely powerful.
They are as petty as they are pretty, and don't actually look alike at all, but because they dress identically, they seem a bit interchangeable. Everyone refers to them as if they're one person. One girl in the group is always on the outs. Which keeps it entertaining.
The best people you'll meet are drunk in the girls' bathroom.
Most likely found: at the GRETA Bar (in Vancouver) or at the Stampede.
The stoner chick
The stoner chick was the girl in your art class in high school who had a great head of hair and an army jacket she wore every day. The first time you watched Freaks and Geeks, you realized she basically was Lindsay Weir. She never went anywhere without her Doc Martens
And the best part is?
She hasn't changed a bit. She was a chiller then. And she's a chiller now. She skipped school on 4/20 and added a Blackberry photo of her with the cops to her Mobile Uploads.
She'll take a gummy before getting on a flight, and is not paranoid about going through security (couldn't be me, I would confess immediately!) Her mom was cool with everyone smoking in their basement.
No girl is ever really one of the guys. But if any girl was? It'd be her.
Most likely found: on the steps of the VAG or at the Concordia library
The Aspiring WAG
This girl can exclusively be found on Raya or in Toronto because that is where the only Canadian NBA/MLB teams are.
Note: The aspiring WAG is not the same as the Puck Bunny (see below). The Aspiring WAG and The Puck Bunny have very different energies and looks. One has 32-inch extensions (WAG) and the other has only trimmed her balyaged brown hair twice since middle school (Bunny).
This girl keeps up with the Kardashians. She's got Makeup by Mario's beats on her Pinterest board. Her DM game is unparalleled. She's working her way up from the second string and wouldn't be caught dead in a jersey and anything shorter than a 4-inch heel at a game.
If she's on Raya, she's waiting for her paid flight out. She's convinced she's just the girl he'll change for — O.K., she honestly doesn't even need him to change. She just needs to lock him down.
And she will.
Most likely found: Courtside at a Raptors game.
The Puck Bunny
She looks like she walked straight out of Coyote Ugly, but grew up in a town where the rink was the social hub and has been dating hockey players since she was 15.
Her BF (or brother) has definitely played AAA. She knows what billet families are. She's spent more Friday nights in a freezing arena than at a club. But when she does hit the club, it's a bar, and she's wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt. She's got a solid group of GFs and is a real girl's girl.
Key difference from the WAG: She's not high maintenance at all.
She's not booking bi-weekly acrylic fills. She can demolish a plate of nachos. She'll drink beer out of a solo cup and chirp you in a way that's both cute and cutting.
Low drama. High loyalty. Ironically, the most chill girl in the room.
Most likely found: Turning guys away at a dive bar, looking hotter than anyone who tried.
The Emotional Support Ride-or-Die
One of the perks of Canada's dark, moody weather is that the darker it gets, the earlier you can go out.
Like, NYC has way better nightlife than LA. Why? Bleak, cold, depressing weather bodes really well for drinking.
We've known her for years, and we all have her number in our phones. When you've gone through a breakup and lost all your single friends? It's time to put out the bat signal — she's the hero Gotham needs, and she'll always appear.
Will throw hands for you in the club when you get into a drunk fight where you are 100% in the wrong. She'll get your 3 a.m. pizza and make sure the cab drops you home first — the night's not over for her just yet.
Most likely found: In Toronto, where she moved after turning 30, because the scene in her city was busted.
The girl who's BF went to Western
— or used to play rugby.
This is the most down-to-earth girl of all the types.
She is down to clown and wears her man's XXL Stang's T-shirt to bed. His mom loves her. She can pretty much pick up any sport and is the most likely on this list to play Pickleball.
They've been dating for 10 years. All her BFs' friends are big fans of hers.
She doesn't even care about getting married. Her biological clock doesn't even occur to her because her relationship is actually extremely stable.
This is the type of couple where they really are each other's best friends. Most likely not to get a divorce. For some reason, they have a lot of iPhone couple photos. Referred to as everyone's "mom and dad."
Most likely found: On a man's and women's beer-league softball team
The Muskoka daughter
Note: The West Coast equivalent is "Dad owns a place in Whistler Girl".
She calls it a "cottage". It's a mansion on Lake Joseph (AKA Billionaire's Row).
She learned how to waterski before she learned long division. She got her boat license before any of us could drive, and we all thought that was really sexy.
She knows whose dock is whose and had the best summer crush story in the 10th grade. A real-life The Summer I Turned Pretty!
She's not flashy about her privilege, which somehow makes it worse. Her IG in July is all golden-hour boat selfies, linen button-downs, and hunter boots with shorts. She is a horseradish on her oyster girl.
Her Dad is in "real estate" or "investments", or something vague but reassuring. She will probably marry someone cut from the same cloth – good for her.
She's not mean or loud. She's just never worried about how to pay to replace the brakes on her car.
It's a White Range Rover.
Most likely found: barefoot on a dock with a glass of white wine she put on the account at the club.
The Pierre Poilievre supporter
During the pandemic, this girl got super into Candace Owens and Q-Anon Reddit threads. She was anti-vaxx, but only after she got the first jab. Yes, she refers to it as the "jab".
She's not outspoken about it on social media because —optics, duh. However, a 2-minute conversation with her at the afters will make it clear what side of the political spectrum she is on.
She is a liberal's worst nightmare, because she has unfortunately got her degree in political science and is on some Limitless Pill sh*t (Adderall) when it comes to recalling facts. She is also super hot, and men simp for her trad wife values.
She hates Trudeau with the fire of 1,000 suns and has no desire to have friends or lovers who don't share her values.
Most likely found: In the kitchen in a heated debate at the AP.
The public health care baddie
She's in nursing. Full stop.
This girl was and is Queen Bee. She's got a chaotic friend group who were labelled the "mean girls" in high school. May or may not be part of the Ice Princess Trio (see above).
This girl just doesn't feel the need to hold back. She says what's on her mind. Probably the oldest daughter.
If this is you? Good news. You were a baddie in high school, and you're a baddie now. Bad news? Your patience is always wearing thin. In fact, it has never once worn thick.
Your bedside manner? Nil after your first 6 months on shift. You're a little too savage at times, but it's also what makes you so good at what you do. Softie lover girl underneath the girl who bullies her BF exterior.
Her selfies in scrubs are making the rounds in group chats everywhere. But she doesn't care. She gets off on the haters and knows it's all jealousy.
People clapped for you when your shift ended in COVID, as you damn well deserved.
Most likely found: Flirting at the hospital check-in desk.
The McGill international student
She was the hot girl with an accent in her name. You always felt very chic typing it out when you texted her.
She was basically European (British), and immediately disrupted the social hierarchy upon arrival. She never lived in res, so she had the best place to pre-drink.
She wore a fur coat and somehow managed to pull off waxed black skinny jeans even when they were out of trend. When she did it was very Kate Moss.
She smoked real cigarettes outside in -15 degrees. She can carry her wine glass, wallet, car keys, and smokes all in one hand. She rolled her eyes when someone asked to bum one, reluctantly giving one up.
Her IG had almost no photos of herself, which somehow made her even hotter. She was just that effortless.
Most likely found: Scrolling through stories on Instagram.
The adrenaline junkie on her J-1
From Australia or Ireland, there is no in between.
She is here for the hikes and the powder and the great outdoors. Sh''s probably blonde. She burns instead of tans. She wants to stay here forever.
Nobody knows why. And by nobody, I mean me.
Most likely found: Banff or working during ski season in Whistler.
Just a regular Canadian girl
Wears minimal makeup. Likes a little bit of everything. She can be found anywhere. She's had basically the same wardrobe since high school — and is totally O.K. with that.
Guys love her because she's down-to-earth but also whip-smart. Homegirl will not go anywhere without her tote bag that probably has a random farmer's market apple in it, because she has a healthy relationship with food (could not be me).
She reads at least two books a year (in this day and age, that's mindblowing). She knows what offside is — but isn't gonna go full-blown "I'm a cool girl" pick-me with it.
The one time of year she gets hammered, she's not an alcoholic about it — definitely saying the savage things she's always secretly thinking, but it's cute because she's normally pretty polite.
Still has a couple of close friends from high school and has made some new friends in her adulthood. She's got a good work-life balance, leaning more toward work. And when she does have a BF, she doesn't make him her world. She could take a ceramics class and make a really cute bowl on her first try.
She is 9/10 times brunette and not taller than 5'6".
Most likely found: at her neighbourhood coffee shop, grocery store, or on a mental health walk.
Oh! And don't forget the girl from high school who moved to the U.S. and now thinks she's Carrie Bradshaw.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
Shake Shack burger.
Two burgers from The Burgers Bros.
Rudy burger.
