If 'Love is Blind' did a Toronto season these are the 7 people you'd meet in the pods
Toronto dating is already a social experiment — and anyone single living in the city knows exactly what I'm talking about. This place has a cast of characters like none other, and it would most definitely make for a wild season of Love Is Blind.
If the Netflix show (which I'm currently addicted to, despite where it may land on the corny scale) came to Canada, there would be some distinct personalities that only true Canucks would expect — and I'm here to break them down.
For the sake of this list, we're going to focus on people who'd be cast in a Toronto version of the show. Why? Again, if you're a fellow single girl living here, you already know the answer to that question.
Toronto manages to produce some of the biggest (and possibly the most memorable?) singles in the country. Spend five minutes on your friend's Hinge, one happy hour on King Street, or a Sunday afternoon in Trinity Bellwoods, and you'll know exactly what I’m talking about.
So, give us the pods, the walls, and the iconic golden goblets and let the city obsessed with the hustle finally try falling in love sans the visual. If love were truly blind in Toronto, these are the exact people you’d meet on the other side of the wall.
The "Toronto is mid" Miami escape artist
While she's technically still living in Toronto, emotionally she's been living in Miami for at least three years — and physically there for three winters. Her Instagram story is a rotating carousel of passport photos and condo balcony sunset pictures captioned “Toronto's okay sometimes.”
Every February, on repeat, she announces that she’s "so over this winter." She insists that Toronto has "nothing to do" but has never been anywhere outside of King West. Every summer, when the city defrosts and the sun comes back out, Cabana Pool Bar remains the pinnacle of nightlife culture in her mind.
You'll find her at STK once a month; she has a Revolve order perpetually on the way, and she frequently mentions how the men in Brickell are way better-looking.
In her confessional, she'll say she's "just looking for someone who's ready to leave this city."
And in her defence, Toronto winters can test even the strongest relationship.
The Toronto-Run-Club-Cold-Plunge-Philosopher
Outside of the pods, you'd never be able to meet this man unless you found yourself at a 6 a.m. Toronto Run Club Saturday morning meetup, where he's already finished a protein shake and his morning meditation.
While you're lying on the couch under a blanket in the pod, he's using this time to tone his abs. You know he's really opening up to you when he starts explaining how discipline really equals freedom.
Somewhere between training for Hyrox and regulating his nervous system, he finds time to stop by Othership three times a week – and that's when fitness stopped being a hobby for him and became a lifestyle. Indulgence to him looks like a trip to Nutbar before lunch at IMPACT kitchen.
His Instagram FYP flips back and forth between stoicism and men with podcasts. More than anything, he wants you to know that while he has a corporate job, that isn't what defines him.
His greenest flag is the way he always arrives in the pod before you, and his idea of intimacy is sweating together. Inevitably, he'll ask you the question that changes everything: "What's your relationship with movement like?"
The Dundas West line cook who's "not really into labels..."
Working in a restaurant is everything you need to know about this man. You'll come to understand each other through long conversations about favourite childhood meals and what your family eats on holidays.
He's a line cook at a small plates spot somewhere on Dundas West, where the menu rotates seasonally, and everything is served "family style."
He’s off Mondays and Tuesdays, what he calls industry nights, and will absolutely ask you to hang out at 1 a.m. after his shift.
Perks include knowing everyone at Bar Raval and carrying all your belongings for you in a tote bag from Famiglia Baldassarre.
Despite spending most nights cooking for others, he eats mainly Red Bull and a sesame miso cucumber salad straight from a deli container.
He'll remind you over and over again that "we do things a little differently over here," referring to both his restaurant’s approach to dining and his dating philosophy.
The "phone eats first" foodie influencer
She came to the pods looking for love, somewhere no one would know who she is — a rare experience for Toronto influencers. You'll know exactly who she is the moment food comes up in the pods.
This woman treats OpenTable like a competitive sport, keeps her Resy notifications on, and has one of those phone cases with a ring light on it.
She went to Giulietta one time and hasn't stopped talking about it since. She somehow knows about every restaurant opening before the press release is out. Her idea of date night is late-night dinner at a low-key spot.
Be prepared to never order for yourself again, she'll insist on ordering for the table on the basis of "trust me." She'll never steer you in the wrong direction.
CAUTION: this match comes with ten to fifteen pounds of happy weight in your near future from all the meals.
The self-appointed Ossington creative
This man is by no means an artist, but he definitely believes he is. He lives under the assumption that he has an untapped creative energy and spends every week exploring a new outlet.
This is Toronto’s version of the performative male; instead of a matcha and a quarter zip, he'll most definitely show up to your first reveal with a cortado and a thrifted leather bomber.
Your first date outside the pods will most definitely be at either Baby Huey, Bar Bowie, or Sweaty Betty’s. His Instagram is filled with film photo dumps of all his exes, and he’ll often ask you if you've heard of Henry’s.
Sunday afternoons could be spent exploring the streets via city bike and discussing the ethics of Kubrick’s directorial style. If he sounds like your match, make sure you have your Letterboxd top four ready.
The "I'm from Toronto" (Woodbridge Edition)
She will begin every introduction the same way, regardless of the fact that this is a Toronto-based show:
"I'm from Toronto.”
If you ask where exactly, it’ll take a few tries before she admits:
“Like… Vaughan.”
She grew up in Woodbridge and still calls Toronto Metropolitan University, Ryerson.
Her high school group chat has been active since 2014, and her parents own something adjacent to a construction company or a banquet hall. She drives downtown strictly for King Street and refers to her cottage in Muskoka as "The Lake."
Public transit is merely a concept to her, and she can parallel park roadside in Toronto better than anyone you know. She came to the pods looking for someone "who just loves the city as much as she does." Which really means she loves coming downtown but never living downtown. She’s looking for a detached home in the suburbs, a driveway and a space big enough to host her big Italian family dinners.
Ironically, she might be the most emotionally stable person in the entire experiment.
The King Street crawler
By day, you’ll find him at King and Bay; by night, he migrates West.
Somewhere between business and pleasure, this financial advisor finds that the majority of his investments are tied up in club ownership.
After spending his early twenties promoting at all the hottest clubs (of the time) — Early Mercy, Spice Route, Door Three — he then spent the latter half of his twenties and early part of his thirties turning nightlife into his whole life. He turned promotion into an investment, has an in at every INK Entertainment spot, and can't say no to happy hour.
He lives under the philosophy "you're never too old to go out," and he’ll prove it to you.
As many Torontonians already know, none of these personalities are hypothetical. They’re already on Hinge, on our favourite patios, in our run clubs, and dining next to us at the newest restaurants. They’re a large and necessary component of what makes up this city’s social ecosystem.
The views expressed in this Opinion article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
