Love can be pretty blind.
You're in a new relationship, you've got butterflies in your stomach and you spend every waking minute thinking about that special someone. You want to be around them all the time, and maybe you're guilty of ditching your friends and family to hibernate at home and Netflix and chill with your new boo. Everything in your mind is perfect.
After all, it's pretty normal to be a tad obsessive during the start of a new relationship, but sometimes when the desire to spend every moment together turns into actually spending every moment together - something way sinister might be at play.
When your relationship starts moving at warp speed and not too long after that initial first date your new s/o is practically all moved in, beware. This is such a common occurrence, that there's a label for those who manipulate themselves into your life and space.
The term hobosexual was coined by writer Nakita Nicci, and she describes a hobosexual as a person "who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay – not a genuine romantic interest.”
These people are serial daters and jump from home to home, just as quickly as they jump from relationship to relationship. This person will eat all your food, borrow money, have you always foot the bill, be emotionally manipulative - all while hanging out on your oh so comfy couch.
If and when you get frustrated with the emotional and financial abuse, this person finds themselves a similar set up with new partner.
If you don't believe that this happens, the LA Times just released a podcast called Dirty John, which follows the story of Debra Newell, a successful interior designer who falls for John Meehan – the ultimate hobosexual – a handsome man who seems to check all the boxes: attentive, available and successful; only to have him slither his way into her heart and home, with deadly results.
Delays, bad weather, and baggage fees? @realdirtyjohn can help you pass the time. All episodes are streaming on @ApplePodcasts. http://apple.co/2xmrOaN— Dirty John (@realdirtyjohn)
Now if you're starting to feel uneasy, and that some of the above mentioned information is hitting close to home, here are 7 signs that your bae is actually a hobosexual, using you for your living space.
1. Your relationship moves at warp speed
You've only gone out for coffee twice and maybe dinner once but this person is already pushing for more. Maybe they want to spend the night, become official right away, and get serious way before you've both even gotten a chance to really get to know one another. It could be a magic fit or something else - so stopping to take a minute and figure it out shouldn't bother your new boo. If it does this could be a major red flag.
2. They have a key, drawer and are leaving personal items around your home - but you've never actually invited them to live with you.
Somehow, without your conscious permission or a discussion this person has found themselves in your space and has slowly moved all their personal belongings there.
3. They've been down on their luck or in between jobs for forever.
They're in between jobs, thinking of going back to school, just taking a minute to 'figure it out'. Maybe before you, they were crashing at a friend's and before that it's a little hazy.
Which is all totally fine except it's been three months and this person hasn't actually done anything to improve their situation. They haven't printed resumes, they aren't going to interviews and they aren't looking for a place of their own.
4. They've never been single.
When asking about their dating history, if they seem to have been in a string of relationships in a short amount of time, this could be a major red flag. It's totally normal to date around but if something sounds or feels fishy, take note.
5. They have somehow forced you to make lifestyle changes that in no way benefit you.
You're expanding your home or purging things you love to create more space for them. You're turning your guest room into their office and you're shelling out for pet food and kids toys but you don't personally have a cat or a child in your life. You've changed your lifestyle to fit them into it and they haven't done the same for you.
6. Everything just seems to good to be true
This person likes everything you like, believes everything you believe, hates everything you hate, and never disagrees with you. You're thinking that you're both just so “іn sync”, but ѕtор and take a step back.
If this person is the real deal taking a minute to stop and think іѕn’t gоіng to fаzе them. If this person is tоxіс, they'll likely move оn and find someone who is more ассерtіng/ gullіblе оr try to rееѕtаblіѕh the relationship bу рlауіng on your еmоtіоnѕ and insecurities.
7. You've caught them telling you white lies
Yоu catch them telling lies or making contradictory statements. This doesn't just apply to you but also to other people they converse with. Fibbing, еxаggеrаtіng асhіеvеmеntѕ, оr contradicting themselves are a good sign that you should ѕtор аnd ѕtер back.
Shaky credibility and dishonestly isn't a great foundation for a relationship anyways.