A Canadian Ashley Madison Member Spills On Why She Joined The Site & What She Gets Up To On It
"Just be aware that you'll find all sorts of people on there."
The Ashley Madison site open on a laptop.
Ashley Madison is a notorious dating site known for its slogan, "Life is short. Have an affair."
Affairs and sexual escapades have been going on since the dawn of time, so it's not surprising that someone made a discreet online site for like-minded individuals to mingle.
But what goes down on an individual level for someone to join Ashley Madison? Are they looking for excitement or an escape?
Since 2002, 4.3 million Canadians have joined the online dating site, and while there are plenty of reasons someone might join the site, Ashley Madison says a common theme is a want for something less traditional.
"One thing all of our members have in common is a desire for something less confining than traditional monogamy, and Ashley Madison is a discreet place for people to explore their sexual and relationship needs," Ashley Madison tells Narcity.
"In fact, 58% of Canadians believe society could benefit from moving toward a more open style of monogamy, and 60% say that their ideal relationship type would be one serious romantic relationship or marriage with some sexual activity outside."
This article contains graphic content that might not be suitable for some readers.
Narcity connected with a Canadian Ashley Madison member and asked her all the questions you're dying to know, whether you're searching for a sexual fantasy of your own or out of plain curiosity.
Ashley Madison also sent us the woman's testimonial, which explains what she is looking for on the site.
"I entered my first marriage at a very young age and went from the good girl who always tried to please her family to the good girl who always tried to please her husband—even at the expense of my own happiness," it reads.
"After nearly 30 years of marriage, I realized how unfulfilled I was and decided to remedy that. I joined social sites and chat rooms to meet men who could introduce me to a kind of pleasure I had never known."
In her testimonial, the woman also said during that time she ended up meeting her current husband. The two were both married to other people at the time but were "unsatisfied" in those relationships. The two of them have now been married for over 18 years.
"I am a hot wife, and my husband and I use Ashley Madison to find men for me to play with. We connect, have a quick visit between the three of us, my boy toy and I have our alone time together, and then I have sex with my husband to finish it all off," she continues in the testimonial.
"I'm having the time of my life with the man of my dreams, and I honestly feel like I'm just getting started."
What made you want to join Ashley Madison?
"It's kind of a joint thing with my husband [Second husband]. I don't do anything without his participation," she told Narcity.
"We've done a lot of swinging lifestyle activities. We actually met in the lifestyle. So we were looking for ways to continue that forward without having to go long distances to go to clubs and things like that."
She also noted that these types of activities aren't readily available where they live so it involved long road trips to get there.
"Ashley Madison allowed us to find people in our own community that were of the same mindset."
What's it like being a single woman on Ashley Madison?
"Technically, I was married, looking for different experiences. But I had a single mindset, I guess."
She highlights that what she enjoys about the online experience is not having to meet with the person right up front.
"You are able to chat and kind of get to know the person for a while. That helps to weed out the bad characters that will just tell you whatever they think you want to hear."
What are most people looking for on Ashley Madison?
The woman says when Ashley Madison first came out it was more for "the affair."
"I think more so as our culture is evolving into polyamory and different things. It is becoming an addition to a couple's relationship."
How does a married couple date on Ashley Madison?
"It's mostly for me, and the way we do it is completely open communication. So we will talk about it, I have my husband do all the organizing of get-togethers or who fits as far as personality-wise or physical attributes.
She also shared that due to work, she's busy and doesn't have time for "extraneous chitchat."
That's why her husband does it for her.
"When somebody approaches us for a meet-up, they don't always know that they're talking to my husband until after they've met us and we have a discussion, and it's just like, 'You know when you contact me, you're talking to both of us.
It's not my husband deceiving them and chatting them up. It's him talking for me because I just don't have time for it."
What makes Ashley Madison different from a regular dating site?
"I think it's, it's more for the sex," she explained.
"It's not for finding a life partner and getting married. It is more casual."
She noted that once her and her partner find someone they're compatible with, they may see them for years or just a few months.
"So I mean, it's not like you're looking for a lifelong relationship, although we do have friends that we have known for probably 12 years.
[We] maybe see each other once every four or five months. They come into our home, and they sit down, and they visit with us as a couple.
We have a friendship outside of the sex, and then, you know, we might sit and have a drink and have a visit and catch up on life, and then we'll go off and maybe have some playtime. My husband will sit and watch TV in the waiting room kind of thing."
Would you recommend Ashley Madison?
"I would," she shared.
That being said, she noted that you do need to have the emotional maturity to not feel hurt if you get rejected and to keep looking around if that does happen.
What are your tips for making an Ashley Madison profile?
"Be as honest as you can. Be open to new experiences," she explained.
"Everybody's different."
As well, she shared some sage advice.
"So just be aware that you'll find all sorts of people on there that are looking for things that you're not, and to just keep looking, be patient, and you have to jump into the sack with someone."
What is Ashley Madison?
According to their site, Ashley Madison is a "network to find discreet relationships of all kinds" and says it's "the leading discreet, like-minded dating community in the world."
It also says it's the first website created for people to be open and honest about married dating and claims to be the international leader in the married dating space.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.