10 things Americans say that will automatically make a Canadian annoyed
Bonus points for being the WOAT if you say it in a fake Canadian accent.
Girl takes selfie after lasik eye surgery in Canada. Right: Toronto skyline at sunset.
I'm a Canadian girl who's lived in the U.S. for 10 years. And before sitting down to write this, I ran an experiment for my own twisted enjoyment. I called up one of my American besties and asked what she thinks of when she thinks of Canada, and her answers were equal parts charming and insufferable.
Without missing a beat, she goes, "I think of them in little hats."
"Toques?" I ask.
"No," she replies.
I take a deep breath. "Beanies?"
"Yes," she beams.
The list carries on. She paints a picture of life in Canada as she imagines it. Apparently, we all ski or snowboard. In fact, we all wear winter gear year-round. We eat Tim Hortons. We exclusively listen to Drake (some of us — the worst of us — are guilty as charged).
She said she'd never ask a Canadian to get pancakes because she'd be worried the maple syrup wouldn't be good enough. Though TBH, she may be onto something with that one. Every time I cross the border, I get a few jars from duty-free.
So, after 10 years of living in America and answering the same questions about Canada about 4,000 times, here are the things to say if you really want to annoy a Canadian.
"So you're basically American"
Canadians are the "pick me" girls of North America.
Say this to a Canadian? Then the list of our superiority complexes comes out:
"We have free health care."
"We're polite."
Whatever it is we're clinging onto as a society these days. We spend 90% of our time insisting we're basically the same as Americans, and the remaining 10% are absolutely furious if an American — or God forbid, EUROPEAN — agrees.
"Do you say aboot"
I think some of us do. But just like bagged milk — I don't claim this one.
I've lived in America for 10 years, and if you think I'm exaggerating about this one, I'm not. People ask me ALL the time. Like, legit every time I say I'm Canadian.
I will not perform for you. O.K., fine, I'm a middle child, so I will do anything for love. BUT JUST THIS ONCE.
"You guys don't have [insert extremely normal thing here] do you?"
It could literally be peanut butter. I've been asked versions of this question about everything. Stores. Restaurants. Products. Technology.
"Wait, you guys have Costco?"
Yes.
"Do you have Charleston Chews?"
Ok, no, actually. But we have superior snacks that you don't, so watch where you step.
"I could never live in Canada, it's too cold"
First of all — you live in Chicago.
Second — we do get summers, you know? Really nice ones. Yes, winter can be brutal, but I wouldn't exactly say Minnesota in March is giving Turks and Caicos either.
Also, Canada is massive. A Vancouver winter and a Montreal winter are two completely different experiences. One is grey and rainy and mildly depressing. The other makes you question why people live there at all.
"Isn't Vancouver just like Seattle"
As someone who was born and raised in Vancouver, when people ask me if it's "just like Seattle," I tell them it's not.
It's actually worse (just kidding.... kind of).
Do we have rain? Yes. Starbucks? Yes. A spiritual connection to Twilight? Yes, with my whole chest. But Vancouver is Vancouver, and Seattle is Seattle.
I don't know why this one bothers me so much, considering I actually like Seattle. Maybe it's the Canadian inferiority complex again. We just need you to know we have our OWN rainy, overpriced West Coast city, thank you very much.
"Canadian Thanksgiving is fake Thanksgiving"
In my first few years in the USA, I tried to get a Friendsgiving going. It would have gone off without a hitch if it hadn't been the second Monday of October.
My besties boycotted because apparently Thanksgiving is only in November.
"Your money looks like Monopoly money"
The first time someone said this, I chuckled because I knew it was low-key true. The 50th time someone said it, I knew there was a meme or a Tweet going around that hadn't made its way onto my algorithm.
Yes, our money is colourful. Yes, we have loonies and toonies.
But guess what? We have our own annoying money fact to hit you back with: the $100 bill smells like maple syrup. Is that actually true? No idea. Am I still going to tell an American that it is? Absolutely.
"At least you have free health care..."
O.K., this one is bratty and also niche, but if you're a Canadian expat living in America, hopefully you can feel me on this one.
Any time I complain about ANYTHING in Canada — and most of the time, yes, I'm complaining about the CAD currency exchange — an American will hit me with, "at least you have free health care."
Yes, I know. We have so many things to be grateful for. But Canada isn't a utopia. We have stuff we need to figure out too.
And also, "free" doesn't mean a doctor magically appears at your front door the second you cough. We can appreciate our health care system and complain about other things at the same time. Two things can be true. We're complicated like that.
"Canada is so sweet, nothing bad ever happens"
Two words: Robert Pickton. Ok, that got dark.
But I don't know where Americans got the idea that Canada is one giant Hallmark movie where everyone knows their neighbours and the biggest crime is somebody forgetting to shovel their sidewalk.
We have crime. We have scandals. We have weirdos. We have politicians.
"Canadians are so nice"
This one is controversial because sometimes, we love it. Obviously, there are worse national stereotypes to have. Oh no, everyone thinks we're polite and pleasant. How will we ever recover?
But sometimes we don't love it—especially when "nice" starts feeling like code for "naive." Like we're all sweet little Canadians who have never experienced conflict because we grew up drinking maple syrup and saying sorry to furniture after bumping into it.
We're not necessarily nicer than you. We just have different social rules. And trust me, Canadians can be mean. We're just going to say sorry after.
And 75% of the time, we probably don't actually mean it.
The views expressed in this Opinion article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.