A negotiation can be awkward and uncomfortable. It can feel almost impossible to strike the right balance of asking for what you want without pushing too hard.
Whether it's negotiating a salary before starting a new job, negotiating a raise, or countless other examples in everyday life when you might take that extra step for something you want, there are plenty of reasons why you might want to become a better negotiator.
Narcity recently spoke with an expert on the topic to get some tips on how to negotiate. Alexandra Dickinson is a therapist and negotiation coach as well as the founder and CEO of Ask For It, a consulting firm. She has spent years writing about the topic of negotiation for Forbes.
But before we get into her tips, including three words that could help you get what you want in almost any negotiating scenario, it's important to look at why this topic is important and relevant in the first place.
Canadians aren't comfortable negotiating
Of course, we've all found ourselves in a spot where we have the option to negotiate. Whether that be related to our career, buying a car, renting an apartment, or buying or selling something online. But data shows most of us are far from comfortable in any of these scenarios.
According to a 2022 survey from Indeed, 35% of Canadians admitted to not knowing how to negotiate their salary, and just one-third said they feel comfortable enough to do it.
While the most consistent data on this topic comes from the workplace, it's hard to believe these statistics would be much different outside of the office, where negotiations still happen often.
Another survey conducted by recruitment agency Robert Half added further context to this internal struggle with negotiating, as 19% of Canadian workers admitted they wanted more money than what was offered to them but said they were uncomfortable negotiating.
So how can these negative feelings be reversed?
"We fear this uncomfortable moment of like, 'Oh my God, what are they going to say?'" Dickinson explained. "And I guess my question back to somebody who has that fear of like, 'what are they going to say?' What is the worst thing that they could say?"
Sure, there are different examples and situations, but Dickinson's point here is the worst response you can get is no, "as long as you are coming from a place of evidence and respect."
Where to start in a negotiation
She went on to explain her advice for negotiation in any situation, beginning with the quote:
Speech is silver, silence is golden.
Dickinson explained that learning to be direct and then knowing when to stop and wait for a response is important in any negotiation scenario.
"Say your peace and then zip it. Just let them come to you, let them react to you," she said. "You don't know what they're thinking. You're not a mind reader."
Now, we've arrived at the big question in any negotiation. What exactly do you say, and how do you word it politely but clearly?
Dickinson believes using three simple words can help you get what you want.
I would like.
"It's better to make a statement," she explained and further clarified why this simple phrase can be so effective. "It's right down the middle. It's not like, 'I want, I need, I deserve,' and it's not wishy-washy."
The negotiation coach added that this statement also removes the possibility of a yes-or-no question getting a yes-or-no answer that could lead to an awkward moment in the conversation.
Alexandra Dickinson.Courtesy of Alexandra Dickinson
Dickinson shared a story of how this negotiation tactic has worked in her own life, with an example of how she once received a discount on a dress at a department store after having to wait for over an hour for a tailor to fix an issue with the zipper.
"I didn't expect this to take too long. I was wondering, you know, I would like a discount," she said, recounting her interaction with the store clerk. "Do you think that's something you'd be able to extend to me?"
She said the combination of her careful wording and politeness got her 10% off.
"Did they have to give it to me? Definitely not," Dickinson said. "But I was polite, and I knew that they might say no, but I thought it was worth a try. I knew, in my mind, I was probably going to buy the dress either way."
Know your alternatives
Knowing that she was prepared to buy the dress regardless of whether or not she received the discount brought Dickinson to her final piece of advice when it comes to negotiating — knowing what you'll do if you don't get what you want.
Whether you're aiming for a higher salary or a lower total cost for something you're buying, Dickinson posed the question, "Are you willing to walk away?"
And once again, every situation here is different.
The walk-away tactic might be most common in a car-buying setting, where you make it clear you're willing to walk away unless you can get a vehicle for a particular price.
In that case, the buyer either hopes they hear the salesman calling on their way out the door or they know that there are other places they could go car shopping. In the workplace, there typically aren't as many options to choose from.
"Wish, want, walk is also another tip that I really love sharing," Dickinson said, dishing on another coined phrase that you should have figured out in your mind before any negotiation. "Wish is the high number, your great outcome. Want is your target, and walk is the point at which this feels no longer good for you."
So, the next time you find yourself involved in a negotiation, remember these tips and don't forget to intentionally start with those three words: I would like.
Dickinson said what's important to remember alongside all of these negotiating tips is you probably won't get what you want unless you're both respectful and polite.
"That's the interpersonal communication aspect of it. Delivering the message in a way that it's hard to say no to," she said. "It's easy to say no to somebody that's being a jerk."
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.