I Went On A Really Cringey Dating Show In Toronto & Here's What I Learned

The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.

Ah, to be young and desperate. Don't you miss it? Of course you don't.

Reflecting on my romantic history feels like staring at a car crash. From the first dates ditched after just a few minutes because I simply could not, to validation-seeking texts sent to people who in hindsight were definitely not into me, it's all very cringe.

Perhaps the most humiliating period of my dating career was the one that was caught on camera. Yes, I've been on a dating show. Years ago. No, I'm not going to tell you the name of it. (Don't look it up.) (I'm serious.) (Please don't.)

The show's premise was to use four out of five senses — all but sight — to find a mate, a concept that's cool in theory but absolutely tragic in execution. It was a one-day shoot for which I was paid $100 bucks, so I thought why not?

After my reality TV stint, I went on a long and enlighting romantic hiatus. But since then, I've entered a very healthy, devoted relationship and I feel seriously lucky — both because my partner is incredible and also because it means I am no longer a player in the ubiquitously grim dating scene.

From that televised experience years ago, I can say I gained at least one thing: a big lesson in what not to do.

Don't go on reality TV at a young age

If you can avoid it, don't sign up to be on a reality dating program when your brain is still developing. No matter how intelligent a creature you are, you will inevitably say something very cringe (e.g. "I like Boston accents right now") and the record of that thing will live on forever.

Producers of reality television — God love 'em — are wont to encourage you to act foolishly. They'll mind trick you into doing things...things you would rather not remember...things like...

Smelling someone's armpit won't lead to love

Science says that pheromones are the orchestrators of love at first sight, or at least the olfactory equivalent of "bow chica wow wow."

In this show I was to sniff my way to true love, sticking my nose into strangers' armpits to get a nice strong hit of pheromones (or in this case, Old Spice and BO). That's not something you just get over, pal. Don't do it.

Kissing people is never a requirement

As awkward as it might feel, you can always say no if you're uncomfortable with lip-to-lip action — even if you're on camera.

I kissed people through a hole in a box and it was the gnarliest thing I've ever done. I honestly can't even remember it. My brain blacked it all out, I suppose as a means of self-preservation. Thank you, brain.

It's a basic rule of consent with which you're likely already familiar, but you can say no to anything at any time, folks.

Try not to take rejection to heart

Dating sometimes felt like questing for validation, but that's really not what the goal should be. Dating is about having fun, being vulnerable and getting to know someone. It's also an interesting way of getting to know yourself: your likes and dislikes, your boundaries and your goals.

By the end of the show, the guy I'd narrowed the search down to wasn't a match. We had no chemistry and never spoke again. It's fine to not like someone, and it's also fine if someone doesn't like you.

It took a while for me to build up an abundant reserve of self-love and mental vigour until I realized that second thing.