I've Been Single For Over A Year & These 7 Hacks Make Dating In Toronto Way Less Painful

Don’t take things too seriously

Dating is supposed to be fun!

Society puts so much pressure on people to settle down and start pumping out babies – and while there is nothing wrong with that (babies and weddings are objectively cute), you shouldn't rush to find a partner just because you feel the pressure of some societal clock ticking.

Take your time with dating and let things develop naturally. You're not interviewing for a pivotal position that needs to be filled ASAP, so don't act like it.

It's corny, but just be yourself and focus on getting to know whoever you're seeing without the pressure of needing it to become something long-term or serious right off the bat.

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean you can't date intentionally. If you know you want a serious relationship, keep that in mind but get to know the person you're dating before you decide whether or not you actually want to be in a relationship with them.

Some of the best dating advice I've ever been given is to relax and enjoy the ride.

Have fun meeting new people, and take the time to get to know each other before you start hiring for the position of partner.

Date around until you find someone you actually like

I'm a serial monogamist with a guilty conscience.

So when I first started dating, the thought of talking to more than one person at a time made me physically ill.

I'm talking guilt-induced stomach aches that a 9-year-old gets after stealing a lollipop from a grocery counter kind of sick.

But after a few seasons in the dating game, I can confidently say that dating more than one person in the early days will help you in the long run.

In online dating, chances are you're talking to a handful of people, and maybe you set a date with someone you're clicking with but that doesn't mean you should close yourself off.

Keep your options open. Seeing more than one person will help you from focusing too much on one person.

It also gives you a chance to explore and have different experiences with different people, which will help you figure out what you're actually looking for.

Think of dating like the tasting menu of love. You have to shop around before committing to one dish.

If you’re online dating get off the apps ASAP

You're an adult. You don't need a pen pal.

If you're on dating apps, get a day in of chatting and get off the apps or at least on a Facetime call.

There are so many factors in attraction, and you'll be able to tell if there's a spark much faster over the phone or in person. So don't waste your time talking to someone for weeks only to be disappointed in person.

Practice setting boundaries and get comfortable saying no

​Don't be a people pleaser with your needs!

Dating is all about setting and respecting boundaries, so you need to be comfortable saying no and advocating for your wants and needs. 

When I first started dating, I was a mess. I frequently kissed people I didn't like simply because they asked at the end of a date, and I felt too awkward saying no, so I'd peck and dash. (Which is as uncomfortable as it sounds. Imagine a grown woman kissing you like your grandma and running into her apartment.)

Nowadays, I can confidently and comfortably say, "No, thank you, I'm not feeling that connection, but I had a good time."

Which is really better for everyone involved – and if anyone doesn't respect your boundaries, that's a reg flag you shouldn't ignore.

So get comfortable saying no, whether it's to another round of drinks or a kiss at the end of the night.

Don’t act busy – be busy

There is so much shit dating advice floating around on the internet, and the idea of acting uninterested or waiting an hour to text someone back is just silly.

You don't need to act busy or like some ethereal being with no needs. Just have a full life of friends, work and hobbies and answer your phone when you can.

If you're in the middle of a pottery class, yes, that text can wait, but if you're chilling on your couch surfing Netflix, you don't need to pretend that you're too busy to answer.

Having someone text you 24/7 can be smothering if you're both not on the same page, but you don't need to waste your time playing mind games trying to get someone to like you.

Just be yourself and fill your life up with an abundance of good things, so dating isn't your only priority.

Have single friends

If you're single, you need single friends.

Chances are some of your best friends are getting married, having babies or getting into serious relationships – which is amazing, and that joy doesn't take away from your friendship, but you also need friends that are in the same life stage as you.

If all you talk about over cocktails is couple trips, wedding plans and lovers' tiffs, you may start to feel out of place.

So it's important to have friends you can call up on a Saturday or Thursday night to grab drinks or dinner on a whim where you can talk about the person you're seeing with someone who can actually relate.

Figure out what you want and ask for it

The first step to a healthy dating life is knowing yourself.

Do you want an exclusive relationship, or are you just looking for something casual?

Once you know what you actually want, dating becomes a whole lot easier, and you can tailor your experience to fit your needs.

If someone just calls you after 11 p.m. on weekends, they probably aren't looking for something serious, and if that's not what you want – don't entertain it.

On the other hand, if someone wants you to meet their mom and you're just trying to have some fun, it may be time to let them down easy.

Once you know yourself, you can communicate your needs with others and find people who have similar values without any of the messy confusion.