Toronto Facebook Group Lets People Share Bad Experiences With Men To Keep Daters Safe

"I just think that people who date men really have to take care of each other."

Toronto Staff Writer
Allie, a Toronto-based influencer. Right: Facebook App on phone.

Allie, a Toronto-based influencer. Right: Facebook App on phone.

If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual assault, call the Assaulted Women's Helpline at 1-866-863-0511. You can also contact support services for male survivors of sexual assault at 1-866-887-0015. If you need immediate assistance, please call 911 or go to your nearest hospital. Support is available.

You can review your UberEats order, landlord and pretty much every other experience in your life, so why not the men you date?

Allie, a 31-year-old influencer, is one of the admins of an exclusive Facebook group that allows women, non-binary people and anyone else who dates men to share their negative experiences with men in Toronto in a spreadsheet.

"I just think that people who date men really have to take care of each other because men can be awful," Allie told Narcity. "It really is just about sharing information and helping each other make the most cautious, informed decisions when we can."

The group has four rules, no last names, no harassing any of the men mentioned or members of the group, and no doxxing or screenshots.

The burn book-esque space allows people to share their experiences with men, from slight offences like ghosting to serious incidents like sexual assault.

How it started

Allie says the group started about three months ago and was inspired by the West Elm Caleb debacle in New York.

Where a woman posted a TikTok of a man she had met named Caleb on a dating site who ghosted her after the first date, and multiple women flagged having similar experiences with another man named Caleb, infamously dubbed "West Elm Caleb."

"It was basically created to avoid that same situation in Toronto because I know Toronto dating is just notoriously bad," says Allie.

Although Allie recognizes that all information should be taken with a "grain of salt. [...] Every story has two sides, and everything is subjective. It's just sharing information."

The men shared in the group are given general identifiers, so anyone currently talking to or dating the person would be able to deduce their identity.

"We don't do last names just for as much anonymity as possible. But they tell us the guy's first name, and then what areas of the city he lives in, if he went to school or not."

"We want to keep it a little bit anonymous but also have identifying characteristics just in case you are dating that person," she clarified.

Allie joined when the group was it was still relatively small, with 20 to 30 members, and it now hosts about a "few thousand" members.

However, they recently had to archive the group after an influx of attention after Allie posted a TikTok, advertising the group.

@alliekrystal PSA to toronto girlies. i’m a virgo i love a spreadsheet #torontotiktok#torontolife#torontodating♬ original sound - Allie Krystal

Allie fears that heterosexual men may try and infiltrate the group and "creep" on members, so they're taking time to vet requests before reopening the page.

Why is there a need for a little burn book on the internet?

"It's not about trashing people. It's just kind of for making informed decisions. So if you see a guy you're chatting with on the list, and you see that he ghosted someone or something, you can then use that information and move forward cautiously."

Allie says not everyone has responded well to the group online. Notably, men in her TikTok comments have been posting questions about how women would feel if men created a similar group.

Allie argues that the group (which allows men who date other men to join) isn't sexist.

"Men are the group that historically holds the power and currently holds the power, so you can't say this is a sexist thing. It's really just women being careful and non-binary people – everyone who dates men. It's just about being careful."

When it comes to the possible legal ramifications of the group, Allie says she feels there should be more legal ramifications for the men on the list who are allegedly sexually assaulting people.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Brooke Houghton
Toronto Staff Writer
Brooke Houghton is a Staff Writer for Narcity Canada's Ontario Desk focused on celebrity news and is based in Toronto, Ontario.
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