7 Things I've Learned In Therapy That Have Actually Changed My Life For The Better

How to help stop (or limit) cognitive distortion

Do you, like me, constantly think everyone hates you? There's a good chance they don't, and you're engaging in what's called "mind-reading" in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

For instance, if I spot someone I know while I'm out and about and they don't acknowledge me, my brain immediately says, "wow that person hates you."

In reality, you have no idea what's going on with the other person — maybe they had a bad day at work and were distracted, maybe they just found out some terrible news, or maybe they just straight up didn't see you.

What works for others might not work for you

Given that I write for a living, you'd think I'd be into journaling — but the truth is I can't stand it. Many therapists have recommended I write down my thoughts but it invariably leads to me doodling instead of actually processing my feelings.

Eventually, a therapist recommended I try guided meditations, which I find helpful when I'm feeling really overwhelmed. There are quite a few on Insight Timer that are free and often result in me having a good, cathartic ugly cry.

It's not one size fits all

Sometimes you won't click with a therapist, and that's ok. The really good therapists will tell you that if it's just not working for you to let them know, and they can help you find someone else or refer you to another practitioner.

When I restarted therapy in 2022, I wanted to find a professional with characteristics that I thought were important in terms of them understanding me — a female, a person of colour, and someone roughly around my age.

As it turns out, that therapist and I did not work out at all, and I am instead now working with a white woman who is younger than me. Best therapist I've ever had.

Check in with your doctor about your meds

Just because you're on medications or have started to take medications for mental health issues, doesn't mean they're a cure-all for every person.

After being on a certain drug for a number of years and my depression only getting worse, my therapist recommended that I talk to my doctor.

It's ok to tell your doctor if you don't think the drug that you're taking is doing what it's supposed to do, or if the related side effects are too difficult to deal with.

In most cases, there are other medications that you and your doctor can discuss trying until you hopefully find one that's the right fit.

It personally took me a few rounds of trying out different SSRIs to find the right one, and as my mental health and I continue to evolve, I imagine that the medication I take will also change.

Make time to eat

I'm really bad at feeding myself (to be clear, I've never struggled with disordered eating, I just... can't be bothered to eat sometimes), and it turns out it makes my brain even angrier than it already is.

On days where I'm feeling overwhelmed, I can often go until 5 p.m. without eating anything (or even feeling hungry) but after my therapist recommended I add easy to snack on things to my grocery list, I've noticed a huge change.

Even just eating an apple at 10 a.m. and then taking the time to make a sandwich for lunch gives your brain so much of a boost — I know it's a cliche, but food is literally fuel and your brain isn't working at it's best when deprived of nutrients.

Going on that stupid walk you don't want to go on is a good idea

I can't even tell you the number of times I've been told to go for a little walk to "get some fresh air" only to think to myself, "No f**king thanks."

But truth be told, it often helps me reset and recalibrate my brain a little bit. Even the simple act of going outside and taking a breath of air can do wonders, so if you're feeling too overwhelmed to go for a walk, try just taking one step outside of your door and filling your lungs.

Just one step — I believe in you!

Sometimes it's not OK, and that's OK

Sometimes I wake up and think to myself, "OK, I can do this," and some mornings I wake up and think, "Today is not the day, my dude."

I'm fortunate that I can take the time off when I need to in order to sleep under my weighted blanket and focus on taking care of myself. I invariably feel guilty when I need to do so — why are we so ingrained to think that taking care of ourselves is selfish? — but you gotta do what you gotta do, and if that means a sedative and YouTube, so be it.