7 Olympic Events That Canadians Would Definitely Win If They Actually Existed

The Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics are just around the corner and the athletes are already gathering to prepare to compete.

Across 16 days, as many as 215 Canadian athletes will compete in 14 different sports, including curling, ice hockey and snowboarding, among others.

During the summer games that took place in 2021, the performances from Canada's top athletes were extraordinary and the medals and podium-places didn't stop rolling in.

However, there are some events that aren't currently in either of the Olympic Games that could make Team Canada even more successful:

Apologizing

If apologizing was an Olympic event, Canada would take home the gold medal every single time. We'd say sorry to the countries in second and third place for winning though, naturally.

Bear dodging

Canadians have been doing their best to steer clear of bears for a long, long time. If dodging them was an Olympic sport, we'd almost certainly make the podium. Russia and the United States could be fierce competition here, though.

Door holding

After winning a gold medal for apologizing, we'd take the top spot for this politeness-based event too. Athletes would compete to see who can hold a door open for an approaching person the longest. Canada's entries would stand there for the rest of time.

Temperature test

Sweltering? Freezing? Canadians can take it. Watching the athletes stand there and just tolerate different temperatures would probably be a little boring but then again, so is Olympic golf.

Milk bag cutting

Canada would probably have a headstart with this event, given that many people don't even know what milk bags are. However, Canadians in many provinces have been slicing them open since the '60s and '70s, so we must be pretty good at it by now.

Snow pants racing

Yup, we're talking about doing the 100-metre sprint with snow pants on. Athletes from warm climates could never!

Maple syrup canoeing

Ok, it's niche. Although Canada does already have Olympic canoeing teams, they'd probably really come into their own if the water was, well, maple syrup. Canadians just KNOW what to do with maple syrup. We're born knowing what to do with it.