A First Date Fell Apart Over Splitting The Bill & There's A Huge Debate Over Assumptions

Who pays on the first Tinder date?

Senior Global Editor
A man paying for dinner during a date.

A man paying for dinner during a date.

A guy has set off a heated debate about who should pay on the first date after sharing an awkward encounter that ruined a night out at a restaurant.

The whole thing has generated thousands of comments on Reddit's Am I The A**hole community, where people have been quick to share their takes but slow to decide on who the real villain was in his situation.

The user explained that he agreed to meet up with a girl he met on Tinder, and that he picked a "kind of expensive" restaurant for the date. However, he didn't push that restaurant and said he sent her the menu first to make sure she was OK with it.

"I assumed that if it was out of her price range she would've suggested a more affordable option," he wrote.

He says the dinner "went well," and they were having a good time.

Then the bill arrived, at which point he assumed they'd be splitting it and she assumed that he'd cover the whole thing.

"When I asked her how we were going to split it she got embarrassed because apparently she earns minimum wage and lives with her parents, so she couldn't afford what she ordered," he wrote.

He says he was a little annoyed because he assumed they'd split the bill. However, instead of making a scene, he paid for both of their meals, and they went their separate ways.

"Later that night I got a long text message from her calling me an asshole for embarrassing her like that in the restaurant," he wrote. "I apologized for assuming we'd be splitting the bill, and told her she shouldn't expect for someone to buy her a meal she can't afford herself."

She blocked him after that, which is why he turned to Reddit for some advice.

Many users went off on both parties involved for making assumptions instead of talking about the plan ahead of time.

"[Everyone sucks here] simply because you both made assumptions," reads the top comment. "You shouldn't [have] assumed you'd split the bill, she shouldn't have assumed you would pay."

"I'm speaking as a woman here, if I ask someone out on a date I would assume I am paying for the whole thing," the commenter continued. "For a first date I'd just go somewhere not expensive."

Many ripped the guy for taking a Tinder match to a nice restaurant on a first date, and suggested that coffee or a cheaper place would be more appropriate.

"Coffee or a drink is just better all around when it’s the first time you’re even meeting the person," one user wrote. "Or something active, so you’re not just staring across the table at each other!"

Another woman shared that she's from a "conservative country," and every date she's been on has been initiated and paid for by the guy. However, she still would never expect it. "Why would anyone?" she wrote.

Others shared that paying for the activity is assumed if you're the one extending the invite.

"I was raised thinking that to invite someone out to something that costs without at least offering to pay was the height of rudeness," said one user. However, they also added that you should be prepared just in case that's not how it goes, especially when you're meeting up with someone you don't know.

"Honestly, you should always assume to go Dutch," the woman from the conservative country replied. "Nobody should pay for their date’s time, it sets up unequal relationship from the start."

Who should pay on the first date?

This article's cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.

Josh Elliott
Senior Global Editor
Josh Elliott is a Senior Editor for Narcity’s Global Desk focused on celebrity interviews and is based in Toronto, Ontario.
Recommended For You