So you've got another dodgy election on your hands and you want to move to Toronto because you've heard it's like a Canadian New York.
We don't blame you, but we're really going to have to stop you right there. Toronto is not a Canadian New York, or a Canadian Chicago.
Toronto is Toronto and it's awesome, but it's also very different from what you're used to.
So before you hop a one-way flight to the 6ix, here a few things you should know.
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We call it the 6ix
It's pronounced "six" but, yeah, that's how it's spelled. It's kind of a numerical abbreviation for 416, the original Toronto area code. We used to call it YYZ, for our airport code, but then Drake happened and, well, now it's the 6ix. (The rest of Canada doesn't get it either.)
It's not as cold as you think it is
Sure, we get winter and stuff freezes, but we're farther south than Seattle and Portland and most of New England. Buffalo gets way more snow than we do. Can you picture the border between Nebraska and South Dakota? You're American, of course you can. That's how far south we are.
We have a holiday called Family Day
It's a real holiday, not like Arbor Day or something. It's the stay-at-home-from-work-to-be-with-our-families kind. And it's around Valentine's Day. Because we're cute and cuddly that way.
We don't visit the CN Tower
We like to take our picture with it. We liked it when Drake put it on his cover, and it's how we tell where south is. Unless you live right next to it in what nobody-at-all calls SoCo, which was a thing some people tried to make happen, like SoHo, but for South Core. But because we're not New York (or London), it didn't. So if you want to take in the view, or eat at the actually really nice restaurant up there, do it before you move here.
Restaurant bathrooms are in the basement
It makes no sense. People slip and fall. If you're disabled forget about it. But that's where they all are.
All the hospitals are in one place
That one doesn't make too much sense either, but it probably makes things easier for ambulance drivers. They're free though, as you may have heard, so there's that.
We don't really speak French that much
Anishinaabemowin, Kanyen’kéha, Italian, Cantonese, Punjabi, and Tagalog? Often. But though the majority of us are legally required to study French for at least four years, we can mostly just say "poutine."
We build houses for our trees
We love our trees in Toronto, and whenever we think something might hurt one of them, like a big truck that has to come to help somebody build something, we build little houses to protect them until the danger has passed. We build them out of wood, which is a little like building dog houses out of dogs, but we don't think about that too much.
We love our raccoons
We call them trash pandas, because look how cute! We also hate our raccoons. Their feelings about us also seem to be mixed. We're complicated.
Almost every tall building you see was built in the last 10 years
[rebelmouse-image 26000330 photo_credit="Lance McMillan" expand=1 original_size="2016x1512"]So don't expect us to know what it's called, what's in it, or even that it's there. It's news to us, too.
We have black squirrels
Our best squirrels are black. We had a white one once, though. You'd have thought it was the only squirrel in town. Everyone thought it was really special. We'd make pictures of it, put it on t-shirts, tell stories about it. How we loved and favoured our entitled white squirrel. Then it died. I wouldn't read too much into it.