​I judged your personality based on the Canadian city you live in (yes, one is the coolest)

Calgary

Sorry, Montreal.

I know this is gonna hurt your feelings, but Calgary has the most loyal hockey fans in Canada. Vancouver, you have the least.

Not because the Calgary Flames win the most. They absolutely do not. But because Calgarians will support that team through thick and thin. Mostly thin.

In fact, loyalty might be your defining personality trait.

You're loyal to your hockey team, loyal to your friends and loyal to the city itself. Half the people I know from Calgary spent years listening to the rest of Canada make fun of Alberta and responded by simply refusing to leave.

Your perfect day starts outdoors. Maybe it's a hike. Maybe it's a dog walk. Maybe it's a drive to the mountains. Maybe it's all three before noon. But unlike Vancouverites, you're not checking your metrics on your Aura ring or your Whoop watch and trying to hit a personal best on the Grouse Grind. You're outdoorsy — but for fun and for free.

Unlike Toronto, where everyone is trying to get ahead, or Montreal, where everyone is just here for a good time, not a long time — Calgary people are trying to build a good, honest life.

You care about having a nice house. A family. A backyard big enough for your Golden Labrador.

And yes, if you don't have a lab, you have a German Shepherd.

Sometimes it feels like every dating profile in Calgary is just photos of someone hiking with their dog or holding a craft beer. My condolences. This one's tough. But somehow it's also charming? The thing I f**k with most about Calgary is that, despite being a major city, it still has small-town energy.

People actually talk to strangers and enjoy the conversation. You help your friends move, and don't resent it. People's moms are still trying to set them up with someone.

You're outdoorsy, practical, and surprisingly wholesome. I mean — how could you not be? Banff is basically your backyard.

And if you're not any of these things, you are a pro-pipeline oil tycoon dating a 20-year-old with lip injections who may or may not be the worst.

Toronto

You're ambitious, but in a way that's somehow inspiring and exhausting.

Unlike Montreal, where people seem committed to enjoying the life they already have, Toronto is a city full of people trying to improve and get closer to the life they want.

If you're not an angsty art student/filmmaker, your perfect day involves a workout class, a coffee meeting, a dining reservation you booked three weeks ago, and at least one conversation about real estate. You have seen the movie American Psycho (it's your favourite Halloween costume), and you wish people still did business cards.

Note: The Torontonian workout class is for fitness, not fun. Very different from the Vancouverites' fitness class.

Toronto is one of the only cities where "what do you do?" feels less like a conversation starter and more like an opening round of an interview. Yes, even if you're on a date. In fact, especially when you're on a date. You don't mean it to be this way. It's just that most Torontonians are trying to build something. A career. A business. A side hustle. A personal brand. Sometimes all four at once. You need collaborators more than you need drinking buddies. Which is cool — you actually enjoy being busy.

The funniest thing about Toronto is that everyone complains about how expensive it is while actively refusing to leave. You spend half your life talking about housing prices and the other half talking about neighbourhoods you'd move to if housing prices were lower.

But for all the jokes, Toronto is one of the most multicultural cities in the world. Your friend group probably consists of people from six different countries and three different continents, and somehow everyone agrees on where to get the best food.

At your best, you're driven, curious and endlessly motivated. At your worst, you're ripping down Bloor St. in a Lambo blasting Drake.

Montreal

You think you're cooler than everybody else, and annoyingly, you usually are.

Unlike the rest of Canada, you don't believe life is something to squeeze in around work (the anti-Toronto). Work is something you squeeze in around life. The long-term European-inspired plan should be to separate from Canada and then implement a 4-day workweek.

Your perfect day involves wandering around without a destination, sitting on a patio for three hours longer than originally planned and somehow ending up at a bar on a Tuesday night.

Montrealers are committed to having a good time. Almost everything else is negotiable.

My friends in Kelowna are married, pregnant, or shopping for strollers. My friends in Montreal are still falling in love with strangers, having existential crises over natural wine and ending up in situationships that somehow last longer than actual relationships. And they're definitely not worried about being a homeowner and having kids before 30.

Montreal is terminally unmarried. But not in a depressing way. It's single in a Sex and the City way. Everyone is still going out, still looking hot, and still acting like life is just getting started.

You're also way more direct than the rest of Canada. You'll say exactly how you feel, and look confused when someone gets offended.

The Anglophones work at SSENSE and know about the hottest new restaurant six months before it opens. The OG Francophones remind me of my friend's silver-fox Dad with a bad attitude, an incredible collection of button-down shirts and an ability to become more attractive every year.

Vancouver

Ah yes. Vancouver. My hometown I have a serious love-hate relationship with.

I lived in Vancouver for 18 years straight, which felt like competing in the Olympics — and as someone who failed PE 10, I got last place. Now, I live in LA, but I haven't been home in a hot second, which means you're catching me in my love phase. Buckle up, Vancouver is gonna get a little extra airtime.

Story time: The other day, I spent 5 minutes looking for a garbage can on a major street in Los Angeles. I couldn't find one anywhere. And I was getting increasingly pissed off until I looked down and realized there it was. The street was the garbage can. Suddenly, I was homesick.

Vancouver is the hot girl of Canada. And like many hot girls, Vancouver has spent so much of its life being beautiful that it never really had to develop a strong personality. Relax. Before you get all defensive — hear me out.

Vancouver is objectively gorgeous. Mountains. Ocean. Seawall. Every time I go home, I breathe out and then get to breathe in clean air.

The flip side? The city lacks a bit of a pulse.

The restaurants are good. The fashion is fine (it's Zara for men, Aritiza for women). The nightlife exists. The people are deff good-looking (credit where credit is due).

But unlike Toronto or Montreal, the vibe isn't particularly cutting edge. Then again, I don't think it wants to be.

Vancouverites have two factions: the born-and-raised and the transplants.

The born-and-raised are a whole different animal. 90% of them leave for university. 89% come back.

Then there are the Whistler-loving Australian transplants, but they don't even have time to go there. The transplants come for one of two reasons: for the nature or for the film industry.

If you're living in Vancouver and loving it? You're probably a creature of habit. You have three favourite restaurants. You have your favourite coffee shop. You have your pre-determined Seawall route. And probably the same friends you've had since high school. And honestly? That's just how you like it.

If you took every major city in Canada and threw them into a blender, you'd get Vancouver. And a $28 smoothie that was totally worth it — if smoothies are your thing.

Vancouverites aren't the coolest people in Canada (Montreal, that's all you), but they are the most popular (I know, it's a weird phenomenon).

They're comfortable with who they are, look good dressed up or dressed down, and have a healthy relationship with their remote work/life balance.

Edmonton

Nobody loves Edmonton more than someone from Edmonton.

And honestly? It's kind of infectious.

The rest of Canada likes to make fun of Edmonton, which means Edmontonians spend an alarming amount of time explaining why it's actually great.

The festivals. The river valley. The restaurants. The affordability. The fact that you can still buy a house without selling a kidney. Edmontonians got a counterargument for everything — while still having a good sense of humour.

You're also surprisingly social. Every Edmontonian I know is either volunteering, joining a rec league, or spray painting a mural on a brick wall in the Arts District. You show up for life. You're on your "Carpe Diem" sh*t.

and are just as happy going to your brother's Minor League hockey game as you are going to an Oilers game. Even though — yeah, an Oilers game is pretty sweet. Even if you don't watch hockey, you actually do. There are a lot of cool girls in Edmonton who can explain offside better than any Vancouver/Yaletown f*ckboy in his Saint Laurent Wyatt boots (yes, I came for you).

At its core, Edmonton feels like the city for people who actually live in their city. You're not constantly planning your next escape — *cough cough* Torontonians who summer in Muskoka.

Nah, Edmontonians are always finding things to love about where they already are.