4 Reasons Why Caesars Are Hands Down The Worst Thing I've Tried In Canada So Far

Sorry, not sorry Canada!

Calgary Staff Writer
People clinking their Caesars. Right: Two Caesars that have been prepared.

People clinking their Caesars. Right: Two Caesars that have been prepared.

This Opinion article is part of a Narcity Media series. The views expressed are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.

There are so many things I love about living in Canada but when prompted to talk about the thing I hate most, the answer is easy. It’s the Caesar.

For the uninitiated, the basic ingredients in a Caesar are vodka, clam juice, tomato juice, some kind of hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce.

It’s only when talking to some of my colleagues that I realized just how divisive the Caesar really is. Some people hail them as the ultimate hangover cure and an essential brunch beverage. Others seem to hate them just as much as I do.

I’m not beyond eating weird foods. I’m obsessed with marmite which is the ultimate love or hate-it food product in the UK. But I just can’t get my head around the Caesar.

Clam juice has no place in a drink

If you ask me, clam juice has no place in a beverage and it’s a hill I’m willing to die on.

I would truly love to know what was going through Walter Chell’s - the inventor of the Caesars - head when he decided to mix clam and tomato juice together.

It's savoury?

Because most Caesar’s also have hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce, the whole thing is super savoury.

As what point does it stop being a drink and become an alcoholic gazpacho instead? I’m really confused about where the line is.

There are a lot of weird garnishes

Because Caesars are so popular around here, there’s a lot of competition from bars and restaurants to make theirs the most Instagrammable.

The result is often a huge amount of food marketed as a “garnish”. The list of things I’ve seen called a garnish is bacon, grilled cheese, fried chicken, pickled eggs, and many more. Even the regular old standard garnish of some kind of pickled vegetable is too much for me.

“You have to learn to like them”

This is something I’ve heard a lot when it comes to the Caesar.

Honestly, I’m not interested in drinking something I have to learn to like. Cocktails aren’t cheap and I’m just not willing to pay $10 for a drink I hate just to build up some kind of Caesar tolerance.

Even as I was writing this story, my friend tried to assure me that I just “haven’t tried the right one yet”. I just don’t think the right one exists.

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