8 Things You Need To Know For August 5

Good morning — Andrew from Narcity here! ☕

Off The Top: Do you remember that story about the guy who kept trading his items until he'd essentially flipped a paperclip for a house? The 2022 version is a man buying a massive billboard in downtown Toronto to swap his Cheestring.

Psst... You can now sign up for the (far superior) email version of the Canada Morning Brief right here.

In Case You Missed It

1. Here's What It's Actually Like At One Of Toronto's Sex Clubs

Putting a new spin on "Love in This Club," Toronto literally has establishments where discerning adults can go and, uh, play around. And by "play around," I mean have consensual sex with their partners (and other guests, should an invitation be extended). Our Sarah Rohoman went down to the Oasis Aqualounge to see what all the fuss is about and it sounds kind of like if your local poolside bar and the Tom Cruise orgy movie Eyes Wide Shut had a baby.

2. With Movie Theatres In Full Swing, Relearn How To Behave

The average film-goer unknowingly subjects theatre staff to countless inconveniences that make their lives — and the experiences of fellow guests — a little worse. From leaving your empty soda cup at your seat when the movie ends to complaining about the price of admission, our own Tristan Wheeler, an ex-theatre staffer in his youth, breaks down seven big no-nos that are guaranteed to make movie theatre workers hate you.

3. WNBA Star Sentenced To 9 Years In A Russian Prison

When U.S. Olympian and WNBA superstar Brittney Griner arrived at an airport near Moscow in February, she soon realized she'd forgotten to remove the vape with cannabis oil from her luggage. Now, thanks undoubtedly to the current geopolitical situation between Russia and the rest of the western world, the 31-year-old has been sentenced to nine years in prison on drug smuggling charges, Sameen Chaudhry writes.

• My Take: This situation was always going to get worse before it could get better, and that is entirely by design. It's unlikely Griner will serve anywhere close to nine years; the clearly over-the-top sentencing — which the U.S. has officially designated as wrongful detainment — is aimed at engineering a prisoner swap. Still, one must hold out hope that Griner is treated safely and fairly while in custody; even if this latest development amounts to political theatre, she is still a gay, Black woman in a country that has demonstrated institutional hostility toward gay people, Black people and women.

What Else You Need To Know Today

🎉 HOLIDAYS
Happy Blogger Day to all those digital content writers who aspire to eventually rise to the prestigious status of newsletter writer. August 5 is also a time to celebrate everyone's favourite natural aphrodisiac; it's National Oyster Day.

🎥 WIDE RELEASE
We've reached the first weekend of August, historically when film distributors dump their second-tier summer fare. That doesn't bode well for the literal Brad Pitt vehicle Bullet Train nor the incongruently timed family comedy Easter Weekend, both in wide release today.

🏖️ LIFE'S A BEACH
Don't pout because it's August; smile because it's still summer — and then pack your bags and head to the beach. Presqu'ile Provincial Park in Brighton is about a two hour's drive from Toronto. Madeline Forsyth makes the case for why you should visit.

📌 JOB BOARD
Metrolinx, the entity that overseas public transit in much of the Golden Horseshoe, was recently named one of Greater Toronto's Top Employers of 2022 — and as Mira Nabulsi points out, they're currently hiring for a ton of positions. Check our role round-up here.

🎂 BIRTHDAYS
Emergent NBA star Anthony "Ant-Man" Edwards dunks his way into 21. Jesse Williams — and those piercing eyes that look straight through your soul — is 41. John Olerud, the former Blue Jays star who notably wore a batting helmet while manning first base, is 54. Over-the-top superhero flick director James Gunn turns 56. Adam Yauch ("MCA, where have ya been?") would have been 58.

Thanks for reading Narcity's Canada Morning Brief — the newsletter that should never be read once the theatre lights have dimmed.

Let me know which movie you'd actually demand a refund for after watching at andrew.potter@narcity.com.

Have a great weekend, be well and I will see you back here on Monday!